Revenge Sweeter Than Sweet Tooth: A Handicap Revenge Tale
By Bong & Schoolgirl Studly
Sponsored by the Logic Stream Network
Artie hadn't slept for weeks, and the last time he did catch some z's, he only slept for about two hours. He hadn't been right since the horrible things Coach Beiste did to him that were so horrible I could only describe it to people who paid me through and was unable to put it in the actual story because they were sooooo horrible. Oh yea they were horrible. Oh yeah*
So like, Artie was hella pissed n shit for what she did to him, and especially for where she did it to him, if you catch my drift. The last story's title was incredibly telling, ya dig? But being in a wheelchair, it was hard for him to do anything about it. He tried going to a support group for sitcomians in wheelchairs who get molested by trans individuals, but was tackled by an opposing football team on the way there. So Artie did the unthinkable, he contacted Axel from Twisted Metal.
Axel from Twisted Metal was busy drinking a beer at his house. Well, really, a woman was assisting him, since his arms were stuck in those wheel things of his. But they were BBQing nonetheless. Oh yeah. Artie called up Axel on the phone, as they one time met at some function or something. It's not really important how they know each other, it's just important that they know each other. You really don't need to make a big deal, ever, about how or why or where they met. You'll probably never find out, but it's not important to the story so just chill out already.
"Hey Axel, it's Artie, we met at that party at The Pope's condo in South Beach."
"Artie, Artie, wait, the kid in the wheelchair who had feet that couldn't play football but wanted to play football anyway?"
"Yep, that's me! But don't mention football, in the second paragraph we covered it makes me hella pissed."
"Ah sorry bruh, wasn't here for the second paragraph."
"I know my dude, it's cool."
"So what's up yo? Everything good?"
"Nah bruh, nothin be good up in my hood. I need some new wheels, so I can get some revenge, Charles Bronson style."
"You ain't going to be a typical white kid and shoot up a school now?"
"Nah bruh, I'm going to kill this gym teacher who *censored except to those who have paid on * to me a few weeks back."
"Bet, I got you bruh."
"Bruh."
"Bruh."
Axel had Artie come over, and the two of them were drinking beers with the woman Axel had over at this place. It doesn't matter who she is, so stop worrying about it. She's not integral to the story in the least bit, so her identity can remain a secret.
"Hey Sharon Chambers of 273 WIlshire Lane, Chicago Illinois 60290, grab us some more beers."
"Okay honey!" She did what she was told because she was a good woman who did what she was told.
Artie then began telling Axel what sort of guns and rockets and freeze rays he wanted on his wheelchair. They then made it together, telling lots of funny jokes to each other the entire time. They were so funny, the jokes, that you, the reader, are totally laughing alongside them, imagining them telling jokes and laughing like you are.
Some time later, when the wheelchair with guns and rockets and freeze rays was finished, Artie made his way to Coach Beiste's house and then killed her in such a gruesome fashion I can't describe it to you without, you guessed it, you paying me money on .
THE END
