"Suki!" His knuckles ached as he rapped them against the ornately carved wooden door. "Suki! Open up! Please just let me explain! I didn't mean—"
"GO AWAY, ZUKO!" she shouted at him, voice muffled on the other side of the door. The carvings seemed to be mocking him. "I don't want to talk to you right now! I can't even look at you!"
"Please, let me just explain…" he started, and dropped his aching hand at his side. He put his forehead against the door and sighed. "I swear, that wasn't what I meant!"
"Oh really?!" Her voice rose in pitch and wavered and he cringed at his own stupidity. He knew that tone. She wasn't just angry; she was hurt and crying, and he had caused it. Suki's temper was slow to ignite, but once set ablaze there was no appeasing it. He'd learned that the hard way, and had no wish to repeat the only other major fight they'd had. He definitely hadn't been the winner in that situation, and this one was no different.
One of these days I'm going to learn how to shut my stupid mouth. Why does everything I say come out wrong?
"So you're telling me that you didn't say that? You didn't say that in front of the whole freaking royal court? You basically shouted it and then you pointed at me. YOU POINTED AT ME! Like they couldn't freaking miss me!"
Zuko winced and banged his head on the door. Shit. Shit. Shit. Dammit, shit fuck DAMMIT!
"Uh…well, yeah, I did… But honey, I didn't mean it the way it sounded! "
"YOU DIDN'T?"
"No! Honey, open the door, please," he cajoled, banging the curl of his fist against the door. He caught movement out the corner of his eye and spotted a servant rounding the corner. The servant saw Zuko, stopped dead in his tracks, grimaced, turned on his heel and walked away.
Fantastic. Now the whole palace is going to know that the Fire Lord is locked out of his bedroom suite.
"NO! You can go find some other bed to sleep in! Apparently, ours isn't big enough for the both of us anymore!"
His head jerked back from the door. "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID!"
"THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT!"
"Don't put words in my mouth!"
"HOW CAN I? YOUR FOOT'S ALREADY IN IT!"
"SUKI, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"
"NO!"
Frustration roared through him and he lashed out with his foot, kicking the door several times, but the heavy oak didn't budge an inch. Fire ignited inches above his palms as his temper flared out of control.
He paced back and forth and then burst out, "AS…AS FIRE LORD I COMMAND YOU TO OPEN THIS DOOR!"
He regretted the words instantly the moment they left his mouth. And the regret only deepened when he heard her insulted gasp on the other side of the door. He heard the latch go and then the doors were yanked open to reveal his wife's livid, tear-streaked face.
"Did you just command me?"
"Uhhh…" Zuko started, eyes wide, a rising panic freezing him in place. The flames died in his palms and he guiltily hid them behind his back. Instinct told him to run, flee, beg for forgiveness, anything to soothe the rage in her blazing eyes, and to settle the stubborn thrust of her usually elegant jaw. He started to say something else and Suki cut him off with a wag of her finger and an impatient hiss of breath.
"Nuh-uh! NO. Stop whatever is about to come out of your mouth right now."
"Okay," he said in high voice, nodding as Suki stepped up to him. "Yeah. I'm sorry. Shouldn't have done that."
Her eyebrows lifted and she sniffed. "Noooo…. You really shouldn't have."
"I, uh, got you to open the door, at least," he said and a tenuous smile lived and died on his face. His voice softened as he reached out and wiped a tear from her face with his thumb. "Suki…seriously, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said to sound the way it did, I really didn't."
"You really hurt my feelings, Zuko," she said, sniffing back another angry tear.
"I know. I'm sorry. But I really didn't mean—"
But she wasn't listening. "It's not like I don't know how I look."
"You look beautiful!"
"No. No. What you said, you were right! I…I AM as big as a house! Look at me!" And she gestured to her swollen, eight-month belly and her sobs broke with a loud snort. "I'm a gigantic, fat whale and everybody knows it! I'm never having this baby. I'm just gonna be pregnant forever!"
"No, Suki…" he started as she dissolved into tears. He gathered her up in his arms and pulled her against him, but she resisted. "Honey, you're gorgeous!"
But the floodgate had been opened; he had a feeling it had been coming a while. Suki wasn't normally the type of woman to obsess over her physical appearance. It was one of the things he loved most about her. She was effortlessly beautiful and irresistibly sexy, pregnant or not. However, her pregnancy had been especially hard on her and everyone had their breaking point.
"No, I'm not! Nothing fits right and my feet are swollen and I'm gassy and I have to pee every five minutes and I can't get comfortable when I sleep and I have a double chin and I'm getting stretch marks!
I hate my body right now…and I know you hate it too… That's why you told them all I was as big as a house!"
"I meant it in a good way!"
"There's a good way to point at me and call me fat?"
"I didn't mean that you were fat! I meant that you were pregnant! I was…spirits, this is going to sound stupid…but I'm proud of how you look!"
"Proud?"
"Yes! That's our child you're carrying! You don't look fat to me, because you're not! You look beautiful. Seriously, I can't keep my hands off of you… I thought you might notice that, actually."
Suki sniffed and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand as she no doubt thought of just that morning. Sex was off the menu at the moment, but he'd kissed her and her lovely body until the demands of the day had unwillingly driven him from their bed. "Well…"
He smiled gently at her and wiped away another tear. "I'm sorry you thought I was insulting you. I really didn't mean it that way. I should have chosen my words better. Suki, you're beautiful. Everyone knows it. In fact, the General was remarking on how beautiful you looked when I put my foot in it."
The tears slowly stopped and Suki blew out a breath. "Maybe I overreacted a little."
He shrugged. "If anyone deserves to overreact, it's you. You've been wonderful this whole time. I know your back has been killing you and you're not getting enough sleep. I would have snapped at everyone months ago. You were right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have said it like that. It was all a big misunderstanding."
"Can we just forget this whole fight even happened?" she said, flushing. "I feel really stupid now. And shallow."
"You're many things, but shallow isn't one of them," he said and kissed her forehead. She sank against him and he felt her belly push into his stomach, and then felt the steady kick of their unborn child. He smiled to himself and then said, "Come on. Let's go to bed. I'll rub your feet and your shoulders."
"Now that's my idea of an apology…" she said as she stepped away from him.
She started toward the open door of their suite as he said, "Also, I'm sorry for commanding you to open the door."
He started to walk into the suite and stopped when he saw one of the servants peaking around the corner. He glared at them and they scampered; probably with more reports about their fight. He sighed and walked forward—and ran smack into the closed and latched bedroom door.
"Suki!"
"I never said I forgave you for that," she said from the other side of the door and he groaned and banged his head against the wood.
"When am I going to learn to shut my big mouth?" he whispered to the closed door. The carvings only mocked him.
(end)
