QUEST FOR GUINEVERE -(In Faith We Trust)

Hey ya'll please excuse the confusion with my uploads! Sorry guys I always seem to be stuffing that side of things up! *Smiles* Anyway for some of You" You may or may not have already read and seen snippets of this story before; The Title of the story has been changed' reasons being that' this particular Arwen telling, pertains slightly more to Guinevere and her family background" but obviously Arthur, Lancelot, Merlin and another couple of recognizable Knights will also play their parts in this Arwen telling as well." So that being said...here's hoping some of you may give this story another glance and hopefully this time around it'll be a little bit more of an enjoyable read!"Also because I don't have a beta" please forgive any grammatical errors/mistakes" anyway enough said" no more of my ranting" up and on with the Story...

MERLIN: ARTHUR & GWENUIVERE

Rating: M (A Little Violence & Sexual Content may not be suitable for persons under 18yrs)

Disclaimer: DONOT OWN MERLIN BBC, Content or characters.

Summary: ARTHUR /GWEN/LANCELOT, A Tale of Love and self-discovery. Guinevere finds herself embarking on a Journey of self discovery" where both her and Arthur find themselves in a emotional battle of the heart. Faith, trust, love and jealousy, and for the first time in Arthur's life he fears it may well be a battle he might stand to loose!"

CHAPTER 1

Guinevere awoke lifting her head from her tear stain pillow she had not realized that she had spent most of the night crying in her sleep, sitting up in her bed, her thoughts drifted back to the events that had played out the night before. Did it really happen' had Arthur really accused her of such an unspeakable betrayal, deep in the pit of her stomach Gwen shuddered at his words"…

"You are not whom I thought you were Gwen, he Spat!'

Hearing the way Arthur called her GWEN sounded more like an insult leaving his beautiful lips, reminding her of his once former arrogant self. It now seemed so unlike the Arthur that Gwen had recently come to know & Love" surprised at the disdain in his voice as she knew well that Arthur had always called her Guinevere" as no other had. Before Gwen had a chance to continue' Arthur's words felt like daggers piercing her heart as he cut her off.

"Why Guinevere, why now? after all this time, are you telling me that you have feelings for Lancelot!

Gwen shifted nervously' biting down on her bottom lip she'd never seen Arthur this angry before, had he not just heard what she had said'.

Gwen struggled to try and take control of the conversation; Arthur was not allowing her to speak and would not have a bar of it. It now seemed Arthur absolutely void of rational thought. Guinevere knew that Arthur had only now heard what he'd wanted to hear and had not allowed her to finish or intervene with what she had wanted to say. She tried to explain that "she had once had feelings" for Lancelot, but no longer." But just the very mention of Lancelot's name' was enough to send Arthur over the edge, Gwen was not prepared for what was to come next…

"So did you?"

Gwen cringed at the at the sound of Arthur's booming voice' as she now looked up at Arthur, still not quite comprehending his meaning…

"Did I what?" …

"Did you willing give yourself to him? he spat, or should I be asking who the hell" else have you given your virtues too?...

Because I sure as hell know Guinevere, that I have not sampled such intimacies or pleasures!" or maybe I just need to change my name to "Lancelot" or better still, maybe I should just make you my whore! would you prefer that?"

The tears flowed freely now down Guinevere's cheeks as she tore herself away from her thoughts she smoothed her rough hands over her face splashing fresh cool water over her now swollen eyes. Gwen shook her head as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she needed to leave. And with that thought, she speedily made preparations to sort her belongings. As Gwen closed the door slowly to her house, she shut her eyes briefly and the memories of her life there seemed to flash before her eyes. She took a depth breathe, opened her eyes, held her head high and made her way up to the Castle only briefly stopping to see Thomas the Court Messenger, thanking Thomas she quickly placed two letters in his hand one which was addressed to Gauis' and the other to Merlin.

Gwen was leaving Camelot; it was all she could do now she could not stay, not after what had transpired between her and Arthur. Gwen's heart sank with over whelming feelings of love for Arthur even after his cruel harsh words' she could never stop loving him…but Gwen knew that leaving Camelot & Arthur was inevitable, and she knew it was going to be one of the hardest things that she would ever have to endure. But she could not stay now, still remembering the feelings and the raw emotion that had passed between them, it pained her greatly, the sting of his cruel words cut like a hot knife slicing through butter. Her reasoning to pass her letters on to the court messenger was partly her way of avoiding any further awkwardness if by chance she accidentally bumped into him.

She had remembered that it had taken every ounce of her will power as she struggled to refrain herself from slapping Arthur fair square across the cheek had she been a man she was certain he'd be laid flat right where he stood. She just couldn't believe what she was hearing, did he really believe' & think her capable of such unspeakable deeds not only that for had they not just less than a month ago confessed that he loved her & she him. This whole Lancelot escapade had actually happened long before they had realized or spoken of their true feelings for one another but knowing what Gwen knew now she would have waited a little longer, to clear the air between them & the whole Lancelot debacle.

It pained her to see that Arthur had still held a lot of pent up emotion over the fact that her and Lancelot had been held captive together at Hengist's Lair. But Arthur and Merlin' had come to rescue her, she herself had suffered emotionally & in a time of great crisis had turned to lean on Lancelot during the whole horrible ordeal, but very soon after realized her mistake when Arthur himself had come to rescue her. Against his own better judgment & even against the commands of his King. She knew then that Arthur loved her that much, that he had risks his own life for her. Gwen knew that she had hurt Arthur deeply and wished that she could have spared him the pain.

Her mind drifted back to the night before…

As Arthur continued his tirade against her his words felt like a sword gashing deep, un healable wounds in her body and soul. Gwen turned her head away as she further struggled to fight back tears that were prominently evident at the corners of her eyes. Blow by blow' Arthur had pretty much made up his mind about what had happened between her and Lancelot and there just seemed to be no reasoning with him, he had automatically assumed that she must have given herself to Lancelot, why else had she turned her eyes away from him, why could she not look'at him' or directly into his eyes at the mention of his accusation.

Not wanting to stay to hear anymore Gwen needed to get away from Arthur before she totally lost it. But although every fiber in her being was telling her to go! to run, to quickly try and put some distance between herself and Arthur she could not. Because no matter how hard she had tried to will her feet to move, they did not budge an inch! Her heart was pounding wildly and her mind was screaming run' now, run! But Gwen could feel something deep inside her boiling over, like hot porridge overflowing from a pot.

Gwen took a deep breath before collecting her thoughts to think of what to say to Arthur before stepping back away from him, she was now glaring at Arthur, her chestnut eyes burning as if red hot daggers would escape from them and strike him down. Arthur instinctively took a step back, Arthur could see that he'd done it now he was about to feel Gwen's wrath having sealed his own fate.

Raising her hand and with all the dignity she could muster, Gwen began to speak …

"You…you have said quite enough 'milord"...

Forgetting her station, and quite frankly not caring any more of her being just a humble maidservant & he of cause being the Crowned Prince of Camelot, she turned to him...pausing slightly whilst swallowing back a lump in her throat and struggling to fight back tears, as she continued...

I'm not sure sire whom I feel more sorry for, You have not only accused me of the most despicable & unthinkable deeds, but you have insulted me in every unconceivable way imaginable, you have robbed & betrayed me, and crushed every ounce of faith & love that I so willing entrusted to you. I am ashamed that I did not see your falsehood love before now and wished I had not lavished my attentions on you, I thought you to be an honorable man, Arthur Pendragon. But I now see that I was much deceived. I have wasted all my love, my tears, and my trust on you, and now know that you could never ever be someone I could ever prevail to put my faith or trust in. You are not worthy of My Faith, My Heart or My Love, Arthur Pendragon, and I can only now look back on you with Pity in my heart.

Guinevere cringed at the thought of those crushing words. How could she stay now, knowing what had so painfully passed between herself and Arthur. Guinevere knew that what was said, could not be taken back, and leaving now, was all she felt she could do.

Arthur reflects:

Arthur laid in his bed dreading the morning light as he wanted nothing more than for the world to stop turning and the ground to open up and to swallow him whole, his stupidity in all. Thinking back to Guinevere's crushing words he had not slept well at all, now suffering the realization that he had handled things with Guinevere so badly and undoubtedly risked loosing the one thing he valued and cared for most in this whole damn world.

Her words so now evidently clear, haunting him and crushing his heart. Closing his eyes wishing away his stupidity as he now reflected back on the last words she had spoken to him.

Gwen struggled to continue…

"I had every intention of making amends with you Arthur, to bring understanding and clarity to what had transpired during the time in which Lancelot & I had been held captive by Hengist and his bumbling idiot henchman. But now I see that I was only kidding myself to thinking that you could ever understand, as you have already clearly pegged me out to be nothing more than a common whore!

So I say to you now; this day, Arthur Pendragon, I take my leave of you and of Camelot and will not look or think back on you no more.

I cannot and will not ever desire or wish to lay my eyes on you ever! Do not try to contact me, talk or even utter another word to me ever again!

As if remembering her station Guinevere slightly hitched her dress, bowed her head to Arthur one last time & said…

"Farewell milord".

Arthur could feel again all to real the emotions of that day welling up inside of him and shuddered at the sight of seeing Guinevere for the first time so very, very angry, her voice at it's highest peak as he now watched Gwen flushed with a raging anger that spread through the core of her being as it reached all the way to her face, as she shook with anger on her last words he watched her pivot quickly to make her leave via the exit to his bed chambers, slamming his door hard'as she left.

Did Arthur hear right, as he stood there still in shock at what had just happened,(Guinevere had just happened that's what!) Did she really mean what she had said?' Surely she wouldn't" would she?…

Gwen couldn't leave him, he was the Prince of Camelot she couldn't leave him, he loved her.

Kicking himself now; why had he spoken to her in such a foul manner, why had he let his imagination and emotional jealousy get the better of him, He really hadn't meant to say any of the horrible things that he had said to Gwen, for he knew in his heart that Guinevere could not be capable of such unspeakable deeds, but he just couldn't help it, he couldn't control his damn feelings or his blasted jealous fits of rage.

God! when it came to Guinevere all reasoning seemed to go out the window, he hated the thought of any man even thinking of her.

He knew Guinevere loved him; so why the hell, was he being such an Arrogant Prattish egotistical bloody idiot!

That damn blasted Lancelot! Why was he such a thorn in my side, to be sure the Guy was not slight of looks, and of cause he was not as handsome as himself, but during his brief stint here in his Kingdom, Lancelot had managed to turn some of the finest heads of the courtier in Camelot in his direction and by all accounts he was an excellent knight and seemed to be very nobel of character, but the fact of the matter remained, that Arthur knew that he; Lancelot and Guinevere had had history, and this is what sent Arthur into fits of unspeakable rages of Jealousy and huge bouts of insecurity. But to loose the love of his life over his own foolish pride & jealousy was not gonna happen, not if he could help it, he would move heaven and earth to win Gwen back, she was the best thing that had ever happened to him so why the hell, was he treating her with so little servility and with no regards for her feelings, hurting the one thing that mattered to him the most in all this whole World, he had been a complete idiot! She was the one true thing that meant everything to him,

God", she was the very air he breathed, the very essence of his being' and he treated her like nothing more than a common Whore!".

Merlin was right; he was a clot pole, Worse he was the crappy puss that feed on the scum that built up around the handle of the clot pole. Arthur musing to himself, quite certain that Merlin would so take pleasure in often reminding him.

Before Guinevere he might as well have been dead, he'd have found himself floundering in a pool of hopelessness, every day being the same as the next before Guinevere had come into his Life. Their relationship had blossomed from something so innocent as a gesture of Faith, as he remembers Gwen's words"...

"I have faith in you?"…what I mean is... we all do...

But even before then he remembers well, Guinevere correcting him to not turn his nose up at the food that had been especially prepared for him. Now feeling a smirk that now creased the corners of his lips, yes that was all part & parcel of Guinevere's entrancing allure it was what Arthur loved & craved about her' that she could stand her ground if she had too, just as she pretty much had done before leaving him wide gape opened mouth staring at the back of her beautiful long curly mane of hair as she left his chambers slamming his door behind her.

He often wondered to himself if he actually purposely started these arguments just so he could see her reaction and the spark that came alive in her gorgeous brown eyes every time something bothered her. He had to confess that he so loved getting a reaction out of her as she never failed to always surprise him and he would always marvel at what she would say next.

At that moment he felt a heat rising up within him just the thought of his love being angry at him, "God! She could drive him senseless at just the mere thought of her, with her anger (sigh).

Although he had to admit, remembering her tear stained face stung at his heart and he felt bad that he had hurt her so. It was all he could do to stop himself fighting back urges of wanting to just lunge forward and sweep Guinevere up into his arms to passionately press hot lingering kiss to her soft lips to embrace and savor the sweet smell of Lavender that is Guinevere, the thought of tasting her beautiful soft supple lips against his own, to run his tongue along her lips and mouth' as she stood there scolding him…God, just the mere thought of it alone was driving him mad' with need'.

The sight of her flushed with anger and heaving breasts was definitely something to behold, standing her ground not backing down to him sent his senses reeling, he'd never ever would have thought something as ridiculous as Guinevere getting angry at him, would be such a damn turn on! But by the Gods' damn it" it did! It was all he could do to contain himself from gabbing Gwen right then and there & having his way with her and doing the unspeakable deeds that he had just than accused her of".

But alas he knew he had over stepped the mark with his cruel words and had taken it much too far, It would now take extreme measures and maybe half the fleet of Camelot's knights to woo and win back his lady love. Arthur knew well, being the stubborn determined person that is Guinevere, he would need to come up with a strategic game plan to breech and break down the walls of Gwen's defences and it wasn't going to be easy. Arthur now considered this to be his greatest battle to date. He would indeed need to set about making amends and planning his strategy in how best to approach the now delicate and sensitive matter that is Guinevere.

Merlin suddenly roused Arthur from his daydream ... As he came rushing in like a bloody wild bore...barging through Arthur's door to his chambers'. Arthur turned yelling at Merlin…

When will you learn to bloody knock Merlin?"

Merlin could sense that something was a miss and continued to press Arthur…

Aah...Well I can see your in a fine mood this morning, always a pleasure to serve you, 'Sire...

Arthur glared at Merlin' with the look of disdain, quickly turning his head away to stare back out of the window & down into the town square below. Arthur groaned back at him saying...

MERLIN!"… For Gods sakes, will you just"….

Yes Sire?'...and before Arthur could finish saying what it was he wanted to say' Merlin finish off for him...

SHUT UP!"...

Feeling a little more then concerned for his friend, Merlin then put the question to Arthur, knowing that it must be something to do with Gwen and pressed further asking...

What's wrong Arthur?... What's happened?...have you and Gwen had words again?...What did you say to Gwen this time?" or better still what did you do?...

Arthur now somewhat annoyed at his useless bug' of a servant, he then snapped at him saying...

Mind your own damn business Merlin!...don't you have anything to do other than butt your nose in where it's not wanted?"

Merlin now knowing to leave while the getting was good thought it best not to force the issue least he'd find himself mucking out the stables all that morning and quickly turned to leave Arthur's chambers' but before he did there had been a reason why he had come to see Arthur early that morning as he peered back over his shoulder saying to Arthur…

"Oh and by the way, guess who I just bumped into whilst delivering some medicine for Gaius" this morning?

Arthur not really taking any notice of what Merlin was saying… his thoughts still on Guinevere as he continued to stare blankly out of his window….

LANCELOT'…. Apparently he's here to see Gwen, something about an urgent message' from King Michael of CAMILIARD.

Arthur felt a chill sweep over him at the mention of Lancelot's name" he instantly knew that he would have to think quickly he couldn't let the situation between him and Guinevere continue on this path. He had to see her, and would set about finding her immediately and for the first time in Arthur's life he feared that he may have sent the love of his Life straight into the arms of the person he revered most "LANCELOT" but Arthur had to just hope and pray that he still had time.'

AN: Well lets hope Arthur will come to his senses and make amends with Guinevere, although I think he has some major groveling to do!" the Guy obviously has Lancelot issues!.