Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything to do with Red Dwarf. Never have, never will. That will cover the whole of the story, because it hurts just to write that once. All things RD belong to Grant Naylor Productions.

Based on "P.S. I Love You" by Cecelia Ahern, but this version is nowhere near as tearjerking as the original. Takes place around Blue (Series 7).

Please R & R, and be honest. This is my first fic, and I'm open to comments and constructive criticism!

Author's Note: IT DISAPPEARED :( I'm gonna have to repost this. Sorry about that.

P.S. Smeg Off

By Miss McGruder

Lister buried his face in his hands. He let out a deep sigh. This was it, this was life. This was life as Lister knew it, and dear Lord was he sick of it. He glanced around his sleeping quarters, the same grey walls, the same red duvet, the same gripping loneliness.

It had been just over a month since Rimmer had left, and even though he hated to admit it, Lister was missing him. He was beginning to miss his whiny little face, his anal attitude to life, and his clinical cowardliness. Never again would Lister be able to pick a fight with him, just to pass the time. No, Rimmer was gone, and every little part of Rimmer went with Rimmer.

Rimmer had been his final grip on the past, the only other human in the universe, even though he was a hologrammatic simulation. And now he had gone, all of Lister's grasp onto normality had gone. It flew away with Ace Rimmer one month ago. Sure, he had Kryten and the Cat, but that wasn't enough. A cat and a robot hardly matched up to the company of another human being, no matter how disturbed that human being may be.

Often, in the middle of the night, Lister would wake up in a cold sweat, having dreamt about Rimmer returning to him. He would sit up for a moment to try and catch his breath, the dream would seem so real. After a drink of icy cold water, he would come back to reality, the reality where he knew he was the last human. Of any kind. Then he would try and go back to sleep. He would count sheep to try and doze off. After he got to 4,639 sheep, he would realise that wasn't working, so he would lie on his back and stare at the ceiling. Which was when the tears would come. Thick and fast. Crying out for his lost crewmate, crying out for company, crying out for a friend. He would drop off to sleep about ten minutes later, all cried out and sleep a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

In the morning he would wake up and rub his eyes, feeling the sticky sensation from his salty tears from the night before. Remembering why he had cried was painful for Lister, so he would wash his face with a splash of cold water, and carry on with the day.

But that got harder everyday, Lister soon found he couldn't keep it in any longer, and soon he would start crying in the middle of the day. Kryten got concerned, the Cat even got concerned, and Lister found himself admitting everything to Kryten. The tears, the pain, the loneliness, he told Kryten everything. That's when Kryten decided to keep him in his sleeping quarters, just until he felt happy enough to move on.

That was a week ago, and Lister still hadn't moved from his sleeping quarters. The crushing loneliness was still too much to bear, everything he looked at reminded him of human life, of Rimmer. What was the point in trying to move on, when the future seemed so bleak? Why shouldn't he stay in his quarters and wallow in self pity for the rest of his life? Lister knew the answer to that question already. He couldn't live in the past, it was too painful to remember times gone by, times when he wasn't the last. Lister stared at the blank wall in front of him and sighed. To no one in particular, he muttered;

"All alone."