Yes I know there are a lot of letters, and it's over done but this comes from reading through chartreuseian's story Letters To The Past, I was inspired. Also I'm trying to keep the muse from running away, hopefully this helps. And yes it is angst ridden. :-P
I don't own the lyrics they are from the song Quicksand by Finger Eleven.
Slow, sinking feeling, kills the mood, you're conveying-
and it pulls me, far down below.
It might, be best if you go.
Can it not wait, and hope for the best?
Will it not stop, a while to rest?
I, need to get up-
yeah need to get up, never mind, cause I've-
I've done enough.
Nikola sat in his office at SCIU surrounding him were dozens of crumpled up pieces of paper, each ripped out and frantically scribbled on from his favorite personal journal. Nikola's tie was loose, his hair was a mess and he hadn't bathed in a week. There was a box of empty wine bottles at the front of his desk, the glass next to him was nearly empty. Anyone who looked in on him would think that he was masterfully plotting his next great invention, they would be wrong, he was writing a letter, a letter to her.
Helen,
This must be my tenth attempt at writing to you, I cannot seem to make the words come out just the way I want them to. You'll be most amused I'm sure. Normally if I need a word they come to me, but not on this particular sheet of paper, it's content I need to convey to you, to find a way for you to understand, to understand my point of view here. I was only trying to do what I thought was best. I've once again gotten in too deeply. No I do not learn, not even after all these years, do I learn not to make the same mistakes, for I am a man driven by not only madness, the madness to create and improve the world, shape things to my liking, and this is a powerful and dangerous thirst I have been playing with for, well, ever. This time I've gone and done something I swore I'd never do again, I've hurt you. I went behind your back and bedded down your enemy, so soon after you did everything in your power to give me back my life, this life I have owed to you on many separate occasions.
'Cause the world waits around,
but I keep slipping and losing ground.
Do I not try so hard so good?
I can't keep changing just because,
you think I should.
I would like to tell you how very sorry I am, but I feel that sorry isn't what you really need to hear. I think what you do need to hear from me is my admission, the admission that I Nikola Tesla, was wrong, selfish and wrong. I would like to be someone you can rely-on, someone you can trust as much as I trust you, but I am forever flawed Helen, how many times have I wished that we were able to re-write the past? Many, and recently we had that chance.
Said, all I need to,
and you don't, understand still.
Wish you saw- picture my mind's-
eyes are deep and they're cynical.
I know I am a selfish "bastard" but I'd never do anything to erase what's become of us as people. Who we are now, and who you are to me is far more important than fixing things between us. Our relationship is the way it is now out of my own doing, and the fact that you may never speak to me again has shaken my ground. I hope you know that I do respect you and I do hold you in highest regard, Helen. You are the only one I can look at as my equal. Only time can heal the betrayal and I do hope you'll find it in your heart to once again look past my foolish mistakes and believe in me again.
One, taken four more.
Kills the pain, healing that sore.
I, I've taken what's left- I took it all,
and now you won't,
let me forget, forget, forget,
Looking at your face and seeing the pure disappointment in your eyes of deep ocean blues, was simply heartbreaking. I never meant to hurt you as much as I did. I honestly didn't think you really cared that much, but this, and I must be really as daft as you say I am, but what we have been through lately, it tells me you do care about me deeply. I appreciate it so much, the things you do for me, the kindness you've shown me over the years when no one else would. And for always putting me in my place. I hope you continue to do just that. All I can do is promise to make it up to you however I can, be a better man.
All my love,
Nikola.
I lost my self confidence, in the quicksand.
Of course you will never get to read this...
