And thus, because of my therapist's suggestion, do I resurrect this old short. In the process, she says, I should be able to come to terms with the "me" from before.
A little background: I wrote this little number roughly 7 years ago, after reading Fate/stay night (an interesting visual novel). I worked on it for nigh on a year until I took my break off of writing in '07.
A word of warning: despite the first sentence, this is loooong, and is composed of 90% fighting and 10% exposition. In true reader response fashion, I write a fiction about a chuuni game using chuuni itself. It also has quite annoying shifts in point of view owing to some whim back then that I'm forgetting. I've tried to edit it a tad when encoding from paper to Notepad, but it has to be said that all of it is a rough draft.
This will be marked complete, as I have no intention of continuing it, and even if I did it would be in the same situation as my other fiction as Merlin on this site: works I identify as mine but which I do not truly recognize anymore. The imaginary end of rehab and meds might see a different result. But as of now, I bid you all a good day, and I am, as ever, the humble
Merlin (Honore 1/2)
Summary: Shirou dreams of becoming a hero. Luckily, the definition of the word encompasses many things. This story and its world is one of them.
Part 1
A Short Girl Shorts Out the War in a Night!
Being a magus, Tosaka Rin found nothing completely surprising in the world anymore.
She knew rituals and concepts and paradigms that defied the ironbound limits of reality and common decency, that exposed oneself to the realms of death, madness and despair. But this... this sight was on a completely different level.
"I can't... let you do this... Saber! I won't let you die!"
And right before four pairs of eyes: one disbelieving, one bloody-red, one just plain bloody and the last completely out for blood, Emiya Shirou held out something in his hand, glaring straight forward and yelling:
"I unveil this Contract: I shall be a hero!"
"What the hell?" Rin—the dignified Tosaka magus-stood agape.
In the boy's place stood a girl much shorter than him, with flaring, unkempt hair and wearing what looked like a frilly dress under a pair of overalls.
The girl now spoke, plain and clear. With a grim, steely expression that had no place on its cute face, she pointed past a shocked Saber at the Berserker. "By my pride as a hero, monster, you shall cease your assault!"
In this world
islands are mountains in the murk
drawn by the Spear.
And so unfurled
the heavenly works
endures and endears,
Are born, die and return
/
Join this odyssey
Lash a raft together
Rowing out to sea
To those islands in the murk
Tearing, tedious, long.
Those were the days of one Emiya Shirou.
(That's me.)
"Why're you staring so intently at that calendar, senpai?" My underclassman, Sakura, approached me one day, carrying a stack of papers.
I'd given her a quick smile and a short explanation that wasn't really the truth.
I give her a silent apology.
I wasn't looking at the calendar to remember the next sale day at the supermarket.
I was glaring at it, in frustration, after six months of long, tearing, tedious days at my hometown.
"It's for your own good. I mean, you kinda brought it on yourself," I was told, while being pushed into the train. "You'll come back though, and that's a promise."
I really wanted to hold him to that.
But it was six months!
Babies could be almost born in that time.
Meanwhile I worked on my normal self's reinforcement techniques, forbidden to train other things.
Tearing, tedious, long.
All that changed in the instant I witnessed two figures fight with resonating steel.
The moment I almost died to a rookie mistake, and found myself face to face with a beautiful knight wrapped in golden, holy light.
The priest, whom I didn't visit for a confession, stared at me almost knowingly after telling me all that could be told about the War of the Holy Grail.
"Rejoice, for all that you desire can finally be possible."
I felt more than a little angry.
I wanted to tell him what I really thought about this War-that I would end it in one sweep if I could.
After all, I thought I didn't have time for things like this.
I don't know about Saber, but becoming a hero wasn't something Kotomine or Tosaka would understand.
They seemed to come from the same world as my father: selfish and self-serving, seeking "something" beyond their work.
Not that father showed those qualities when I knew him.
He was the exception that gave me my current purpose.
And as much as the priest's words rang true, he and Tosaka and Saber couldn't possibly understand, even if I explained slowly and clearly, about my circumstances.
Still, I was thinking, when afterwards we strolled through the city silently, that this War would be an interesting diversion.
A lot of people would need saving if I knew my instincts right.
"Tosaka," I said, staring towards the moonlit horizon of the sea as we crossed the bridge, "It would be fair to assume there will be collateral damage throughout this war, right?"
"In extreme circumstances, yes," she said. "But we have rules that can be enforced by Kirei to discourage such behavior. I'm not sure, but I think points are docked if a Master does anything completely destructive, like say blow up this bridge or massacre everyone downtown."
"That's good to know," I muttered, stealing a glance at the raincoat-clad Saber. "Saber, you wouldn't object if we stick to those rules, right? No involving innocent bystanders and all."
"It is acceptable," she replied smoothly. "In fact, I thank you for that, Master. It is… a commendable way to fight." She looked at Tosaka. "But I must stress that as a Master you must also be uncompromising when it comes to the enemy. The real enemy."
Apparently, that last bit of advice applied to enemy Masters as well, when we were immediately confronted by that towering monstrosity.
I restrained myself when Saber charged into battle.
I was appalled at the rampant destruction that monster could deal out.
Its little skirmish with Saber and Tosaka had torn up the asphalt of that little street.
And then, when I saw someone in danger of dying in front of me, something inside me roared to life.
Saber's form: bloody and unyielding.
That was something I'd only seen in the fiercest of heroes.
I could not let somebody like that die, even if she pledged herself to be my Servant.
And Tosaka was in danger as well.
I rushed forward, blood pumping in my ears.
No time to think.
I know my duty, and I will do it.
I must become a hero!
I withdrew my fetish, the small, cold slag of metal and shouted the Words.
"I unveil this Contract: I shall be a hero!"
The fetish flared to life in my hand, having gained permission from its master.
Lightning flared through my body and fire coursed through my veins.
The pain that follows is excruciating during the first time.
But the first time was always worse than the ones that followed.
Everyone rationalized the pain differently.
For me, it felt like the pain from projection practice magnified four hundred times.
A sensation of seven hundred hot iron rods simultaneously sliding against my spine.
There was the feeling of being remade: muscles tearing and regrowing, bones shattering and reforming, skin sloughing off and replaced.
Worse than the above was the feeling of nerves forced to grow at the same time, magnifying the sensations even further.
All in the space of a second.
It wasn't that bad.
The pain from leaving a duty unfulfilled was worse.
Clad in my new, more appropriate form, I gave that thing my ultimatum.
"By my pride as a hero, monster, you shall cease your assault!"
The monster roars in response.
All other eyes watch, some in horror, as the slip of a girl, little taller than Illyasviel, meets the monster head on.
The monster charges, snorting and stamping on the road like a train.
Its first attack is like lightning, a flash few can be prepared for.
It aims unerringly for the girl's small body, and there is little doubt she is doomed.
But there is a sound, like the toll of a large bell.
The girl flies away, tumbling backward to a crouch on the ground.
In her hand is a wok, bent inward by the giant's force.
"It's fast-!"
She tosses the makeshift shield away.
Drawing on the energy pooled in her newborn magic circuits, the girl enforces the will of creation.
Emiya Shirou is a mediocre magus, only capable of rudimentary analysis and reinforcement.
But
(t)here
is
a Secret
The transformative energies take that potential and mold it into something a hero needs.
Since the mold is partially cast already, it is easy enough to fill in with the energies from the Contract.
It magnifies the inadequate human known as Emiya Shirou into a being suited for heroic deeds.
Now, the girl can birth a thousand blades, as many as the hair on her skin.
And so, after the incantation, what now glints in the moonlight are two boning knives, small and slender in her hands.
The monster is not idle.
As if already forgetting the flaxen-haired knight, it charges forward, wading through and tearing up the asphalt like it was shallow water.
The average human would have better chances of avoiding a charging Berserker's attack by standing in front of a runaway train.
But the Contract, knowing the capabilities of those that needs to be fought, has also gifted the girl with superhuman strength, speed and reflexes.
She tumbles over the blade's swing, making two attacks of her own.
The knives sink into the skin, drawing blood.
First blood.
The fact seems to enrage the giant, as the girl makes three more quick stabs on its body, before pushing upward with her feet.
The jagged edge pursues her.
It connects, and there is a thump as some blood splashes on the giant's face.
It is Berserker's point.
For although the Contract allows her to accomplish superhuman deeds, she is young and inexperienced, and is but a human on top of it all.
And Berserker is a Servant-a familiar formed from crystallized human legend.
The two knives are thrown wildly as a parting gift.
Having fulfilled their purpose, they disappear, leaving holes in its skin.
The girl, a few feet away, clutches the side of her arm.
A chunk of flesh was gouged out.
"Master!" someone shouts.
"It's… too fast."
The thing stands, like an insurmountable guardian.
A monster that possesses extreme speed and power cannot be confounded by inferior technique.
It must be overpowered, or outsped, or even better, both.
The little scratches she has managed to make are now knitting close.
Overwhelming power or speed: take your pick.
The girl makes that split-second decision; smashing thirteen magic circuits in one go with a twitch of her head.
"Attend, attend, thou tempered soul. I, the hammer, I, the forge."
The words hold no clear meaning, like the senseless humming at the beginning of a song, or the dozing chants of the forest.
Its purpose opens the gate to her power, letting a minor miracle occur.
She is inured to the paralyzing pain that follows.
Standing firm, she follows the quick ritual through.
Light fills her senses as the creature continues its relentless assault.
A familiar weight now rests in her hands.
To others, it is an impractical spear, too big and unwieldy for a girl like her to carry.
To her, it is a weapon, a simple cleaver super-sized for her use.
The short handle is of an easily forgotten material—so brittle it would only last one swing.
Yet a swing is all she'll need.
Because the blade, thrice its length and twenty-times its size and dwarfing the girl so handily, menaces its victim with a surety of eradication.
The steel smells like it is about to rust.
It has a dull edge that the girl finds unsatisfying.
But it will do.
It is a question of seconds and hair-splitting distances.
The girl has a weapon to match the monster's.
They each swing with determination, though the girl is a little late.
That lateness works to her advantage.
Holding the giant cleaver parallel behind her, the girl sidesteps the giant by a millimeter.
Even that distance propels her away, like a leaf in the storm.
But the girl swings in that same instant, slamming the blade against the giant's side.
She grits her teeth from the recoil.
The impact shears the skin from her calloused hands.
It is all she can do to grip the splintering handle, to ensure the swing follows through.
In the end, she loses hold of her creation, losing her arms just as quickly as she'd forged it.
But the giant blade cuts deep, eviscerating bone and muscle to rest against its heart, barely missing it—by a millimeter.
The howling stills.
The giant dies standing.
The girl lands: winded, bleeding.
Triumphant.
She surveys her work.
It required a lot more magic from her than was needed, but the job was still done.
The Servant was definitely something else.
In the end, it had been overwhelming power that saved the day.
Contract-fuelled magic crafting a suitable tool of steel.
It wins no awards and is no masterpiece, but the monster—her enemy—cannot appreciate that, for it is vanquished.
A simple concept.
A passable product.
A splendid execution.
Tentatively, she moves to turn around, to survey the battlefield.
But to her great shock, the giant moves, and she is a blur, somersaulting backward from the explosion and landing on ungainly feet.
Her spear, its magic spent, dissipates.
The colossus howls a challenge into the night, as if defying impotent Death.
The wound has been filled.
"Oh no."
It's my fault.
I was so eager to fulfill my oath that I forgot to set up a few things.
What magecraft I knew was transferred to my transformation.
I could project simple tools and turn them into deadly weapons.
I could reinforce my body in a way that made it tougher and faster.
Doing that would've given me an edge I needed against that thing.
And now I was in a really big mess, against a monster that can apparently regenerate its wounds, that wouldn't die even if it had been clearly killed.
It looked like I couldn't do this solo after all.
"Master… is that you?"
I stole a glance sideward.
Saber was there beside me, looking surprisingly none the worse for wear.
Beyond her was Tosaka, a strange look on her face.
"Yes. It's still me, Saber. Can you… support me? We'll need one of us to divert its attention long enough for a decisive strike. It looks like missing the mark didn't kill it enough."
It looked like this was the time for a duo attack.
But Saber surprised me with her reply.
"No, I will not. You must stay back from now, Master. Now that you've unlocked your magic circuits, I no longer need to conserve energy."
She took a stance, having moved forward.
"I can handle it," I said, protesting. "It's much better if we work as a team, right?"
"You can't afford to be careless here, Master!" Saber snapped. "If you, my Master, die, then I will have failed in my oath!"
Frustration rippling through me, I stomped my feet and turned to Tosaka.
She still had that weird look on her face.
"You should retreat, Tosaka," I told her. "Thanks for fighting by our side, but I don't want you to sacrifice yourself for our sake. You're a Master too, right?"
"Emiya-kun," she said, after a short silence. "What the heck is this?"
"It'll take too long to explain. And-"
The monster was walking forward, looking strangely dignified as it did so.
"It looks like he's coming."
The child's voice returned, sounding chiding.
"That's sorta unfair, onii-san. Or is it nee-san now?"
The girl who called herself Illyasviel walked out in front of Berserker.
She tilted her head, red eyes losing the gleam of malice from before the start of the fight.
"And you even shaved off one of Berserker's lives. It's so unbelievable! If I wasn't so surprised at the moment, I'd be angry with you, nee-san."
Saber glared, looking ready to strike at the girl if I didn't know the giant's capabilities first hand.
She would never make it that far.
The girl seems to sense this, eyes sweeping over to Saber and then back to me.
"I had hoped, nee-san, to talk about your unique magecraft over tea."
There was a quick twitch in her lips.
I realized Tosaka was still keeping her gaze on me.
A magus like her was still struck dumb by a situation like this?
"But tonight is not a night for pleasantries. We'll have to speak some other time. Berserker, kill Rin, and for now, her only."
I gasped.
The person in question finally tore her gaze from me.
"So that's how you're going to play," said Tosaka.
The girl shrugged, as if playing was the last thing on her mind.
"You can ignore their attacks as long as they do not threaten your lives. Once you've done so, we can withdraw."
I stood in front of Tosaka, hand raised toward the enemy.
"You know I can't let you do that," I said.
"Emiya-kun-!" said the girl behind me.
Saber looked from me to Tosaka rapidly, as if weighing something in her mind.
Illyasviel smiled, and I felt a sharp jolt run down my spine at the chill that I suddenly felt.
"You're free to try and stop an avalanche, nee-san."
Faced with such a threat, I had to think quickly.
I had, under the laws of the War, no obligation to help other Masters.
Or so it seemed to me—it wasn't really spelled out.
But the me of this moment and the me who was Emiya Shirou were not mutually exclusive entities.
We shared the same desires, the same goals, the same ideals.
And the existence that was Emiya Shirou, hero of justice and teenager, decided that Tosaka was someone I had to save.
I closed my eyes.
Behind them I heard the distant slow, rhythmic thump of gears and cogs.
A loud hiss of steam drowned out the rest, and for an instant it seemed like someone screaming.
The sounds were quick to fade away, like some sort of auditory hallucination.
A second later, I'd lowered my hand.
I turned around, looking up into Tosaka's eyes.
It seemed like there was still some disbelief in there, mixed in with fear and curiosity.
I bit my lower lip and glanced at my Servant.
"Saber, please remember our agreement. No innocents."
Realization dawned on the swordswoman quickly as she made a subtle tilt of the head.
It seemed like she approved.
"Emiya-kun?"
Tosaka stared, openmouthed, at the admittedly bizarre sight of a small girl walking around to place an arm around her lower back.
"W-wait, are you trying to feel me up you stup-?"
A thunderous shout overrode her protest.
The giant now moved to following its Master's orders.
"No, Tosaka. Just running from an avalanche."
With a surge of force, I wrapped my smaller arms around Tosaka's waist and pushed forward with reinforced feet.
That plus the terms of the Contract made us sail right over the intersection we'd just passed.
Behind me, I imagined something roaring in anger.
Above me, someone was roaring in anger.
The night ripens under the drowsy gaze of the moon.
In a sense, it is a night of beginnings and of ends.
A beginning for Shirou, the newest Master in the War.
And an end to the War itself.
The latter's beginnings start here, when Saber's transformed Master fled with another Master in tow.
But even earlier than that, the fates had determined that the War preordained for bloodshed and sacrifice would already be in the throes of dying down.
The blue-clad Lancer serves another through cruelest deception.
The robed Caster has died, consumed by the mutual hatred between Servant and Master, magus against magus.
The Archer communes with himself, the damaged tool pondering its place.
And within the Matou mansion, the shadows stir.
Saber and Berserker begins the end in earnest, breaking the ringing stillness of the night in their second duel.
Unlike before, Saber shows no restraint in her movements.
She is a literal whirlwind, her cloaked steel glancing against Berserker's weapon in a barrage of sound and light.
The beast roars unintelligibly in her face, though she understands its intent well.
It is the call to battle.
She didn't know how her Master managed, but their newfound connection has brought through enough energy to bolster her reserves.
It is a new, intoxicating feeling, to receive so much energy that it threatens to spill out, wasted.
And so, she rallies, using it freely in her attacks, putting full force behind every blow.
The result is a potential for destruction that almost rivals her enemy's.
Each blow gouges out the enemy's skin like a dragon's nail.
For someone like Master as he was to generate such energy!
No matter how much she expends it, her Master continues to send more and more energy through.
It was a marked contrast from the sheer nothing she'd been getting from the start.
Saber suspected her Master had depths hidden from plain sight.
She dodges and ducks, deigning to fully parry those monstrous blows.
Doing so would only unbalance her form.
She flows over and around, the dam against the raging river.
She does as her Master intends.
She will defeat the enemy, or if she cannot then at least it must never fulfill its Master's command to kill Tosaka Rin.
The enemy shall not pass.
She escapes another blow easily, throwing up her weapon to deflect an attack from an unexpected direction.
The second attack connects, and she slams into the wall.
Saber blinks once, shaking off the blood and debris from her eyes and the excruciating pain in her back, realizing what has happened.
The connection was terminated.
Saber is a power tool, suddenly cut off from its source.
She has returned to the previous state.
She struggles to return to battle, raging instincts urging her to move.
But her body is too busy using what was left within her to regenerate her physical frame.
"That's good enough, Berserker. Now come, let's chase after Rin and the naughty nee-san."
"…Wait…!"
She watches the giant hold out its arms to the girl, lifting its small frame onto its shoulders.
And then, with the swiftness of wind, it barrels away, stomping off to pursue her Master.
Saber stoically bears the pain, forcing the sharpness to fade away, hefts her weapon and follows in pursuit.
I took three long jumps over the streets of night-time Fuyuki before slowing down to shorter leaps.
From those I'd cleared about ten kilometers, reaching the mostly deserted outskirts in record time.
"Put me down you idiot! I can't believe this is happening!"
"Please stop moving, Tosaka. Something bad could happen if you keep struggling like that."
"Don't you think it's facile not to feel even a little freaked out that a little girl in a weird dress is carrying something bigger than her? Try and see it from my perspective, idiot!"
"There's nothing weird at all Tosaka. It's an acceptable turn of events. I needed to get you away from Berserker quickly, since fighting him there would've put you in more danger."
"And exactly where are you taking me?"
"Your house. You're protected there at least, right? And I'll probably stay for a while to keep a look out too."
"My…? Oh god damnit. Wait- stop jumping-! Do you even know where I live, Emiya-kun?"
I paused mid-flight, tilting my head.
"No," I admitted. "Not exactly."
She bopped me right on the head.
"You're going the wrong way then, moron!"
"Oh really?" I murmured, landing on a crouch as I took my bearings while still holding Tosaka up. "…I'm sorry. Where is your home then?"
She jabbed a finger. "In the other direction."
"Oh. Alright then, let's head that way."
"That way leads back to Berserker," she stated like she was declaring the sun had gone down.
"And Saber," I said, worrying about the Servant even if I'd decided to have her stay. "And seeing as she's still fine-"
"How do you know that?" she asked sharply.
I felt her eyes scanning my body.
"Well, there's still no sign of Berserker, and I just have this gut feeling that she's still active."
I adjusted the warmth in my arms, preparing to jump.
Ba-dump.
"Wha-?"
But in that instant, all my senses screamed at me to get down.
To escape, to flee, to withdraw.
In the space between breaths, there was the phantom feeling of something racing for my neck, my heart, my belly-all my vital organs at once.
I couldn't quantify what it was in that small slice of time.
There was a definite threat that was headed my way, and I couldn't recognize it in time to defend myself.
It was something that wholly threatened the existence of Emiya Shirou (F), so much that the only way to escape was utter self-destruction.
And that was why, with Tosaka in my arms and my legs ready to spring up, I stumbled forward, regressing back into Emiya Shirou (M).
The two of us collapsed in a heap of bodies.
Tosaka uttered a strangled cry.
I quickly looked up and around the lamplit street, trying to ascertain the danger.
It was doubly dangerous now that I'd transformed back, so I had to be sure what kind of threat was here.
"Get off," said Tosaka from under me.
"No, wait, Tosaka," I replied in a whisper, bending my face down closer to the ground. "There's something here that's forced my transformation, and I have to make sure-"
"I am staring at your crown jewels, Emiya-kun, and if the first thing you do isn't getting off from me then the next words you'll be saying will be 'My balls, Tosaka you Gand'd my balls!'."
"Oh, sorry," I said, realizing the position we were in and scrambling off from her.
She looked at the hand I offered in apology, before attempting to crush it with hers and nearly dislocating a shoulder as she stood up.
"Finally… I get a chance to breathe."
She dusted herself off, as I continued to cast about the darkness with my senses.
It felt weird, sensing nothing after experiencing something that so unnerved my other form's senses.
Then again, Emiya Shirou (M) couldn't even be called a magus to begin with.
"Anyway, what's with the sudden change? Don't tell me you ran out of energy to keep up that weird magecraft you used?"
"First of all, it's not magecraft. And second, I was forced to change to avoid a fatal strike that would've killed me. Well, at least there was the feeling of being attacked. I'm trying to see if whoever or whatever it was is still here."
She stiffened, looking around the street as I did.
The street was still devoid of anything of interest.
"I don't sense anything, Emiya-kun," she said after a short while. "Maybe it was just your imagination? You are kind of strung high fighting Berserker to a stand-still just recently. I'm still curious how you managed that, by the way."
I grunted, frowning out into the darkness.
"This is serious, Tosaka. Whatever I felt in that instant was so overpowering that my other self's need for survival trumped everything else, even the thought of protecting you. I was helpless, forced to return even if I personally hated doing it."
I glanced apologetically at her.
Tosaka's face tightened for some reason.
Perhaps the mention of me entertaining the thought of sacrificing her put her off?
Well, that was the truth behind that feeling.
"Oh? 'Other self'? So you've even classified yourself into two… There's a host of things I want to ask but I guess there's no time for an explanation in this kind of situation."
"The fact that there's nothing here is a dangerous thought. We have to get away as fast as we can."
I produced my small fetish and quickly murmured the words of Contract.
When the smoke cleared, I saw Tosaka had gone back to gawking down at me.
I put my hands on my hips.
"That sort of reaction's getting really old, Tosaka. You're a magus aren't you?"
Tosaka murmured something I couldn't hear, putting a finger to her forehead.
In the meantime, I was still keeping an eye out, turning my head from side to side.
Now that I'd transformed back, I was half-expecting that feeling to return.
"I-It's not that… It's- the mere sight of you, a man, transformed into a little girl like some magical girl? Adding the fact that you don't look fazed at all? I mean- you! Standing there! Pouting like someone being told by her mother that she won't be getting that new dress! I should be laughing, Emiya-kun. Or crying. I just can't… find the words."
I have no idea why she's upset like this.
"What we should be doing is run."
I held out my hand.
"Ohh no, you are not lugging me around like a bloody sack again."
But she then still snatched my hand, rubbing the back of it.
"I don't see your Command Seals, Shirou. Did your weird magecraft do anything to it?"
"What? Oh… I'm not sure. Does it really matter right now?"
She gave me a withering look.
"It matters as long as you're a Master. If you're still Saber's Master, then it's fine."
I stared at the back of my hand, where the Command Seals had been.
I hadn't noticed before, but they really had disappeared in this form.
"Is there a way to prove that I'm still Saber's Master?"
She rubbed my hand some more, and I had to suppress an inappropriate giggle when her nails scraped against my palm.
"You could try summoning Saber directly to you. It's a piece of minor sorcery granted to Masters of this War that defies many of the world's laws, but it will cost you one third of the Command Seal. Essentially you could order your Servant to do something that would normally be impossible—even by Servant's standards."
I didn't get some of what she said but it sounded like a way to see if I was still Saber's Master.
"Alright. I'll do that."
I turned to empty space, starting to focus.
"What do you—are you seriously using a Seal for that, Emiya-kun? If she gets summoned here won't she be angry you pulled her from doing what you ordered her to do?"
"Berserker's a real monster. I don't need to remind you of that, Tosaka," I said.
I'd fought in some skirmishes in many other places, and I feel that gave me some experience to comfortably declare that Berserker was not a force to be trifled with.
Neither was Saber, if I reckoned it rightly, but she seemed a different danger.
"At least it'll keep Saber safe, and then we can get you safely to your base while I and Saber can regroup and plan out our next fight with Berserker."
"You sound like you don't have faith in your own Servant."
I ignored that sardonic jibe; instead trying to find the right state of mind for whatever it is that was needed to invoke the Command Seal.
Thinking nothing of it, I just went ahead and exclaimed.
"Saber, please come to me!"
The space literally distorted before us, twisting in a mirage-like way.
I felt something pull in my mind, as if a heavy burden was dissipating from it.
After a bright flash of blue light, Saber was there, raising her invisible weapon to bear.
"Master, I thank you. It's good you've re-established the connection."
She took a quick look at Rin, then back at our surroundings.
"I apologize for letting Berserker pass by me, Master," she said, bowing. "And mayhap the shame of failure will soon fade as I have another chance to directly protect you."
She wasn't able to stop him?
Well that was a little expected.
"Did they give any indication as to where they went? Did they retreat perhaps?"
That would be the best outcome for the night.
"No Master. Illyasviel mentioned coming after the two of you."
That meant she and her Servant would be definitely heading this way.
I didn't feel confident about the trail I left in the city.
Who knew if the girl had some sort of dog-tracking magecraft.
And this after we were just about to head that way too.
"Well, at least we know I still have my Command Seal, Tosaka."
"You idiot," she said, her mouth set in a thin line. "You could have proved it with other methods. You didn't have to waste one of your Seals on an experiment."
It was surprising.
Frankly, I thought she'd approve.
Experimentations were supposed to be the way of the magi.
"Well, like I kept saying we have to start moving. Please intercept Berserker if he's close, Saber, while I move on to bring Tosaka to a safer spot. I'll come back to flank him."
"Master, you mustn't."
I don't know why she keeps insisting that.
Did I not look dependable enough?
Was it because I looked like a girl?
Heck, even Saber didn't look like she could fight at first glance.
"Can I just say something?" Tosaka interjected.
I blinked, looking aside from my staring contest with Saber.
"First, you're an idiot."
I slumped my shoulders. "Tosaka-"
"I'm not finished." She pointed at me this time. "You're an idiot too."
"Huh?"
"Are you suggesting that my judgement is faulty, Tosaka Rin?" my servant said icily.
"Not faulty per se. But look at yourselves. You'd be a fine pair to eliminate from the War as you are. Bickering. Disagreeing on a decision. While I can't really say that it's good or bad to let little 'Emiya-chan' here fight by your side, it is almost a waste on the other hand for a Master and a Servant to be at cross-purposes."
I exhaled a sigh.
Rin had a point.
I could see she had a point.
And so because we were still arguing, we were still standing around.
"Saber," I said, turning back to my Servant. "Believe me when I say I can take care of myself. I won't let myself get killed. At the same time I won't let you get killed. To do otherwise would be violating my oath. A hero will not let others die. But a hero can't afford to die too, not unless a great sacrifice is needed. If I let myself die, then who will protect the people who need protecting?"
A clinking of armor signaled Saber shifting in place.
After a short silence, she said, "Very well. It is, admittedly, a part of our goals in the War to eliminate enemy Servants. I suppose I cannot fault my Master's… zealousness in that regard. But Master, remember that my concern for your safety is paramount, and is the crux of my oath to you."
"Though to be fair, you could just not confront Berserker now," Tosaka cut in again. "Leave that thing and its child Master alone for the night."
"That would leave you open to Illyasviel's assault," said Saber, disagreeing. "And though we are on different sides of the conflict, I share my Master's desire to see you unharmed, at least for the moment. You were willing to help Shirou on his way as a Master. Your attempts to aid me against Berserker back then was a valorous act worthy of notice. Worthy of repayment."
"It wasn't intended to be 'valorous'…" muttered Tosaka.
"If that's settled," I said, reinforcing my body yet again. "I think it's time for us to move."
"Are you going to carry me again?" asked Tosaka.
"Can you clear twenty meters in a single jump?" I asked in turn.
I was really curious.
Maybe Tosaka knew a spell that could enable her to do that.
But by that look she was giving me, that didn't seem to be true.
I walked up to her.
"Then, please-"
Ba-dump.
Again?
I took a deep breath, my heart now pounding desperately in my chest.
I seemed to have stumbled, as the next thing I knew Saber had me in her arms while my legs hung loosely below me.
"Master!"
Away away away
What was this feeling?
It was urging me to transform back, again.
It was a fear so primal that I couldn't even rationalize it.
But what was it?
Where was it coming from?
Was it
A person-
-Place-
-Event?
I blinked, sagging into Saber's arms, unable to form the words the two of them were saying to me.
And then I saw another thing that chilled me, though it helped to rally the pieces of my mind together.
A childish part of me remembered the tale of the rabbits on the moon.
How sometimes they were said to descend to the earth from their milky white home on the starry sky.
"Saber."
That thing up there was no rabbit.
I somehow recovered the use of my body.
"Gg…ggghh…"
Yet what I was able to glimpse, perched on its shoulder, certainly would qualify as a cute, white bunny of the moon.
I grabbed Tosaka, and I was forced to bury my face into her abdomen as my legs frantically jumped away to escape.
The explosion that happened half a second later meant I was barely in time.
Something hit the back of my head, and this would-be rabbit saw darkness.
Devastation.
This is a familiar sight to Saber.
She has almost no way of knowing her Master's fate, save for the faint feeling of their continued connection.
Because at the moment, she is occupied with dancing around the inferno that had once been a quiet street.
She survives, from a combination of her luck and divine protection.
But the rest of her surroundings are not so lucky.
A forest of flames licks at the sky, as if birthed by a dragon newly born into this age.
It consumes within their bowels a score of humans, some of which are still screaming, having woken to a brief, horrifying nightmare of burning flesh.
She forces herself to look forward.
To take a stance against the tragedy's cause.
The giant looms, unharmed, at the center of the impact, the earth formed around it in such a way that it seems a gigantic, unmoving chunk of asteroid.
But its howl, joining the other desperate sounds in the night, announces its identity.
She sees its Master, unharmed as well through some unknown artifice.
"Illyasviel von Einzbern!" she demands with voice of harsh steel. "What have you done?"
A flash of red, and the girl is now turning her gaze on her.
"A deplorable development," said the girl. "And I know the Einzbern must make restitutions for this. But that can wait. Where is Rin, Saber? Produce her, and you and your Master shall live to see another night."
"I don't think so," she says coldly. "By my pride as a hero, I shall never let you and your maddened beast pass, more so for this affront to life itself. Prepare to fall on my blade, monster!"
The girl makes a small moue at that declaration.
"Then let's make this quick." The girl leaps off her protector, standing off in a safe spot in the inferno. "At least this time I can have nee-san all to myself. Berserker, kill Saber first."
It is fortunate that her Master's connection is intact.
The first attack almost shatters her arms and her knees.
Burning.
Fire.
Fear.
Hate.
I woke to a warm, wet sensation.
A scent swiftly invaded my senses, causing my body to jerk upward.
Blood.
Dying.
I felt something within me creak, like the rusted hinges of an old door.
Don't look don't look don't look don't look
I opened my eyes.
I couldn't even manage a gasp.
"N-N-N…"
Tosaka lay on a patch of debris, blood on her forehead and on her lap.
Her face shone in its repose, bathed in a warm, bright glow.
I wanted to touch her, to sense with my own touch if she was still alive.
To deny the red I saw, the blood I smelled.
Yet I was rooted in place: unable to do even that.
Unable to look away.
It was then that my mind sought an escape.
My view of the world expanded.
And I saw
the return
of the madness
"O…oo…"
I could not form even a single word as I beheld Hell.
For one frantic moment I clenched my fists so hard, the nails biting into my palm until it broke the skin.
I thought I was still trapped in that long ago blaze, and everything had been all a dream.
Don'tlookaway
Because I could see them now, even now.
Souls trapped in the killing fields, the burning fields.
The screams echoing into my consciousness.
The accusing eyes.
Cowardcoward
"Aaa….aaaahh…"
I had to get away.
I had to live!
Leave it all behind.
Father father father
Did I need saving?
Dare I demand to be saved, even now?
Thisisthetimetobehero
I'd long ago vowed, to pay it forward
Forwardllookookforwardforwardforward
What should I do?
The sounds of another explosion made me quail, but when I looked at its source, something roared within me.
Saber and Berserker were there.
Superhuman beings fighting their secret War.
A War that brought Hell.
That had brought the Burning.
And the Fear.
Eliminate the threat.
Who?
Berserker: Primary Threat.
Proceed to neutralize.
Illyasviel von Einzbern and Servant Saber: Secondary Threat
Neutralize after primary or when all other options exhausted.
Something settled within me, like bullets being loaded into the barrel.
I imagined hearing a distant screech of metal upon metal, signaling me to start.
Become hero.
I let the Contract guide my actions from then on.
It, the midwife of my many steel offspring.
There is a sudden, hot wave and the girl hides her face from it with a hand.
Her Servant and Saber are dueling titans, dancing the rhythm of death.
The two seemed equal, neither giving nor advancing an inch.
Saber is a tenacious one, and she knows that the Servant has not even unleashed her secret tool yet.
No matter what it is though, her Servant will triumph.
Her Servant is invincible.
She feels a sudden burst of energy near them.
She already has an idea, even before she shifts her attention.
And there, she saw her onee-san, a girl once more, her figure blazing with the unknown magic she could see, but not identify.
She wonders if it is a peculiar sort of Sorcery.
Illya sees a familiar look on her nee-san' face.
It takes the girl a second to figure it out, long enough to watch the girl leap through the flames and aim its steel weapon at Berserker's neck, now apparently teaming up with its servant to attempt to fell her inexorable Servant.
Emiya Shirou looks as if he were Berserker, as if he had received the curse of the role.
A blood-stained, blade-bearing maiden-
She is fascinated as how such a face rivaling hers in outside innocence could ever hold such emotions, could be twisted by such open bloodlust.
It is perhaps a quirk of whatever magecraft had been done.
It is still mesmerizing to witness such an energetic display from the human turned advanced magus.
It is like she has markedly improved since their last bout.
She moves with such speed now that only half of Berserker's blows connected.
What did connect is absorbed by some sort of metallic implement that is then quickly discarded.
The fact that it was able to defend against Berserker's attacks like that would have merited study from more inquisitive magi.
The fact that such things could be projected at all would've attracted the Association like bears to honey.
On the offense, the girl seemed no less potent.
She was even imaginative.
Illya catches glimpses of knives of many different edges, forks with many-numbered prongs, fan-blades, hammers and jag-toothed saws.
Each one scores blood upon her Servant, as if they were fuelled by strong magic, enough to pierce the skin of a legend.
Berserker begins to move farther afield, into the flames.
She watches her Servant continue to lash about wildly, deflecting and attacking two fronts.
"Master! It's too dangerous. You must fall back! Take Rin and go!"
Shirou does not, or maybe can not respond to his Servant.
His silent, twisted rage contrasts Berserker's own.
At this rate, the two of them would delay her purpose long enough for others, unrelated people, to arrive.
It is a complicated situation she found herself in, even if Berserker is far from beaten.
"Gggahh!..."
Shirou's small body lands with a bone-crunching sound after Berserker hit him solidly.
No human should be alive from that blow, but her onee-san somehow manages to stumble right back up.
From there, Illya had the idea that it was enough.
She'd explore her onee-san's weird power some other time.
It was beyond foolish.
Shirou was indeed holding his own, but there was a limit to a human body that she remembered.
That was partly why a Servant-less Master was of little consequence.
Whatever limits a human could break were aught against an actualized Spirit with a reliable energy source.
Fear's tendrils clenched her heart when she sensed Berserker strike true, finally catching the leaf in the wind.
"Berserker, it's time to go. It's too bad, but we can kill Rin and Saber some other time."
Saber's ears prickled.
The Berserker's Master had announced the end of the battle.
The monster had calmed in the middle of a strike, all combat presence fading to a whisper in a single moment.
Her sword was still bared, neither daring to make a strike nor lowering it.
Berserker was still too formidable.
And then she felt a sense of foreboding.
What was…?
She heard the sound of drawn steel.
Glancing over, her suspicions confirmed, she saw a multitude of knives revolving in the air around her risen Master like some cheap trick of Merlin's.
Shirou had turned around, to the girl who'd called out to Berserker right behind him.
Her Master, weapons flashing, slowly advanced at the snow-haired girl.
Saber brandished the weapon she'd let droop as she moved to intercept Berserker's murderous charge.
She chose to trust her Master's intent.
She didn't want to believe he would willingly slay a child, even if it was a Master.
So he was most likely just going to neutralize her to force a calm in Berserker.
Saber would believe in Emiya Shirou's declaration to be a hero.
And that was why she repaid Berserker's desperate fury with her own stubborn strength, bearing the brunt of the blows with resolute determination.
Berserker would not get past, no matter how long or loud he howled.
"You must never allow the 'You' to lose sight of your 'I'."
To do so, I was taught, would be to become the very thing we were sworn to fight.
Soul-less, irrational entities with little purpose but the one that had lead to that existence in the first place.
It was more dangerous in our sense, for we were gifted by the neutral energies of the Contract with destructive powers.
I had lost my 'I' before.
The first had lasted all of ten seconds, only because the threat had been quickly neutralized, and because my fellows had been there as well to contain me.
Yet still, in that brief amount of time, I'd ravaged the foundations of a building under construction, rendering it structurally unsound.
In a sense, I did not "black out" when I lost myself.
I could still watch, like an angry, disembodied spirit, as my body seemed to be moving of its own volition.
I was thus aware, beyond the seething flames, of all the magecraft I used, each strike and each step.
Each wound.
For a long time I was so focused on the mountain I saw before me, desiring to level it even with my own bare hands.
The pain from the consecutive projections and the bone-smashing blows I could still feel through my makeshift bucklers were forgotten by the outrage I'd felt, at seeing all the bad things I'd wanted to forget all over again.
There was little grace to the "me"'s movements.
No skill or tactics to execute.
Each of my attacks were waves dashing repeatedly against a formidable boulder.
And then in one, brief moment, I slipped, the cunning flash of an exploding piece of debris making me squint.
Berserker was quick on the uptake.
I could swear my lungs had been crushed from that attack.
I couldn't even use projection to cushion my fall.
I couldn't even roll to a stop, or attempt to right myself like a cat.
The force of his blow knocked me away like a piece of minced meat.
killitkillitkillit
Don't be ridiculous, Monster.
In the haze I could almost imagine hearing the creak of metal screeching against each other.
I stood, hardly daring to breathe.
I had to end it.
I have to win!
As if in response to that silent plea, my body shut off the throbbing sensations of pain wracking my body.
It would be enough to keep going, even as I am.
If my magic failed, I'd bite and punch and scratch.
I would even use my bones to strike.
Like a weathered axe I would hack away at my foe until I'd be dust.
"Berserker, it's time to go. It's too bad, but we can kill Rin and Saber some other time."
The voice sounded in my ear, as if it had been whispered right next to it.
Switchswitchswitch
I turned, slowly, and saw the girl only a few steps away, well within striking distance.
Plan B?
Plan B
Execute
Two magic circuits erupted with energy.
The resulting product was replicated eleven times.
A halo of knives, ends pointed outward, began their orbit.
With my next breath I was able to pinpoint each of the knife's targets on the girl's body.
Eyes, thighs, knees, chest, elbows, throat, navel, stomach.
My children moved into position.
"…Shirou?"
We can talk later, whoever you are.
I raised my arms.
Right after I fulfill my purpose.
My eyes sought the girl's so I could see a final glimpse of the monster's Master before its demise.
"Shirou... nee-san…?"
Who is…?
"Are you going to kill me, nee-san?"
Kill you? I would never… I'll only kill Berserker and its Master.
"I never thought, since before I met you, that you would be like this, Shirou."
Move! Execute!
"If this is your wish, Shirou, then—"
"Then I will take on that wish!"
A distant time
"nee-san—ill—gran—it—"
Red, fire and blood.
Black, fear and despair.
"Thank God…"
"Father…"
Hope.
The dreams of those that came before.
The desires of those that inherit them.
The edifice crumbled.
The sound of its ruin echoed across space, across time.
It took me a few moments to realize the scream in my ears was coming from my mouth.
"Men try…"
I wrenched my eyes to the present.
"I" returned.
"-And heroes triumph. Well, that's just my opinion..."
"Shirou?"
Fire.
A battle raged behind me.
I quickly gave a look, seeing Berserker and Saber.
The battle seemed pointless now, with all that had happened around them.
No one could be saved now.
I could not save them.
But at least I should flee, taking what survivors I can.
And I would engrave those who could not in my heart.
Ba-dump.
Danger?
Without much thought, I pulled the girl in front of me into a quick embrace, before taking one big leap.
Something warm brushed against my back, carrying with it stray missiles that rebounded from reinforced skin.
We landed quite a ways away, a darkened alleyway lit by a reddish glow.
I could now hear sirens in the night.
I turned around, trusting the girl to the justice of fate, before leaping back into the inferno.
Berserker was no longer there.
Where was Saber?
I looked around frantically, before finding her as she was just rising to her feet.
She was carrying Tosaka on her shoulder.
I felt relief.
It's good she was still alive.
"Saber!"
The swordswoman nodded.
"Let us leave, Master."
"Yeah."
I did not look back.
