Wounded
"I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family."
- Coach Boone (Remember the Titans)
Ch. 1: Regulus
I've been hurt a lot, more times than I can count actually. I've cried an awful lot as well, because tears make me feel better. But I didn't cry the time I was hurt most; I threw a tantrum, I threw a lot of glass, but I didn't cry a single tear.
From the minute I was born, I was the younger and highly inferior brother. I think Sirius knew from the day he was born that he was an heir to a very important House. We would play various games in which he was the King or the Lord or the Black Heir and I was the peasant, or the obedient slave, or the younger brother. He was out snogging girls long before I grew out of the idea that storks brought babies.
Sirius was older and he knew that meant he was better; he loved to remind me of his superiority. He thrived on my ignorance and did his best to keep me young and ignorant, and of course Sirius' best was always good enough. But despite this, or maybe because of this-yes, it was definitely because of this-I loved Sirius. He was solid, something to lean on, someone to lead me, and besides he always told me the important stuff.
But when he went to Hogwarts things changed drastically. Maybe he forgot, or maybe he didn't think it was important, but he didn't tell me that our parents were wrong, so I didn't know. But he still told me some important stuff, I still had enough to get by on. He told me in my third year, "That stork isn't going to bring you a baby, Reg, you've gotta go out and get it." That was the last time he called me Reg.
When I was fourteen I was broken. Sirius was sixteen, a too mature boy who didn't know how to behave like an adult. I wouldn't have minded so much if he had tried to take me with him, even though I would have refused. But I would still have been okay if he didn't; it was the fact that he didn't say good-bye that broke me. He didn't even bother to say one word to the boy who had been his peasant, his obedient slave, his younger brother.
I've just barely been getting by since then. It's a good thing I'll be dying young, dying soon, because Sirius kept me young and I never got the chance to grow up. He kept me in the dark, a child, and a child I remain, wandering blindly through the dark passages hoping I don't bump into anything. I was always like that, but before he left Sirius had been my light, my guiding hand, my older brother.
A/n: Tell me what you think please. Next comes Sirius' mother.
