A/N: Okay. I'm reaaalllyy bored and I feel for all those poor, poor fictional characters out there with too many fans...or no fans. In any case, this is a story about what happens to Legolas when he gets attacked by some fangirls. RABID fangirls. I mean, whoa, they're like way psychotic ----------------------------------------------------------------- like this far out of their minds psychotic. What will happen to our favorite elf when he's caught!? Read and find out!



Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. *mutters profanities* No suing! ^^ Read, enjoy, and review!

~*~*~*~*~*The First Night of Hell*~*~*~*~*

It was nearing sundown when Legolas finally stopped running. He should've been able to keep going, but the fangirls had caught him off guard the night before and stole his food, water, sanity, and yes...some of his clothes.

He sits down on a nearby rock, catching his breath.

"They think I'll surrender to them without my supplies, but I'm here to say, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" He stands up and shouts, "I'LL NEVER GIVE MYSELF OVER TO YOU! HEAR ME!? NEVEEERRR!!"

A few moments pass by in silence. He looks around, suddenly feeling very vulnerable, and sits back down. "...maybe I should start a fire." He gets up to go look for some wood, but stops. "But that'll give away my position." He holds his fists in the air and screams. "Damn you rabid fangirls!"

Sighing heavily, he plops down next to a tree and leans against it. "I'll be fine, it's not that cold."

:::::TEN MINUTES LATER:::::

"Gyah! I've been out here for what, five seconds!? And my nuts are already frozen! They're probably the size of grapes by now!" He pauses, realizing someone might hear this embarrassing information. "I mean...boy it sure is cold out here!" He laughs nervously and sits back down.

"I'll just go to sleep and when I wake up, everything will be back to normal..." He falls back against the tree trunk and begins to dream.

:::::MEANWHILE:::::

"Oh my God, look at him!"

"Isn't he so CUTE!?"

"But what's he doing!?"

"Sleeping of course!"

"With his eyes open!?"

"Duh! Don't you know anything about elves!?"

"Oh, well in that case, we should make our move!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Alright!"

"Let's go!"

One by one, the fangirls tip-toe over to the resting elf.

"Oh, I'm so excited!"

"Shh! We're almost there!"

Just as they were about to enter the camp site, one steps on a twig, snapping it in half.

"Shit!" They all dive into the bushes as Legolas wakes up.

"Huh!? Who goes there!?"

Rustles are heard from the nearby shrubbery. A girl failingly attempts to conceal her laughter. "Um, no one! Just go back to sleep!"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that one again!" He stands up to leave, but nothing can hold back rabid fangirls.

"Get 'em!"

They charge out of the brush, tackling him to the ground. "BWA HAHAHA! Now you'll be ours FOREVER!"

"No, get off me !"

"You can't escape Leggy! Give up!"

"Leggy!? Get the hell away from me!"

"Stop resisting! Embrace your capture!"

"NooOOOooOOooo!" He kicks and screams to no avail. *pantpant* "Alright, I surrender."

"Yaaayyyy!" The rabid fangirls release him. "Now you have to do whatever we want!"

*sigh* "What do I have to do?"

"Give us all your arrows!"

"WHAT!?"

"For souvenirs!"

"But, but-"

"No buts!"

"But they're my baaabbiieesss!"

"GIVE THEM TO US NOW!"

"Ah! Alright, take 'em!" He throws his quiver to the ground. The fangirls jump on it.

"Leggy arrows!"

"Ow, it poked me!"

"Hey, that one's mine!"

"Stop pushing!"

He starts to back up but runs into some more obsessed fans.

"Now you have to let us play with your hair..."

"What!?" He shrieks like a school girl. "No, not my hair! Leave it be!"

They close in on him tighter. "Oh come on, we won't bite."

"It'll only hurt a little..."

"...haha. Or a lot."

"No! Stay back!" He reaches for his arrows, but since he gave them away, they were obviously all gone. "Ah crap."

The fangirls jump on him, tugging at his hair until each has a decent sized blonde chunk.

One stands up and brushes off her pants. "Now you gotta let us fix it."

"No, that's okay, it'll be fine."

"No really, I insist." She pulls out a comb from somewhere and proceeds to rip it through what was left of his hair.

"Ow, ow, ow." He winces. This wasn't the first time this had happened to him. "Ow, ow, ow...okay, I think that's enough."

"Yeah, you're right. We should get started on spin the bottle!" Another girl gets out a plastic bottle and places it on the ground in front of Legolas.

"Oh no..." He looks around for something to distract them with, but finds nothing.

"Come on, spin it already elf boy!"

"Yeah, come on!"

"You can do it Leggy!" Aragorn squeals. Everyone looks at him. Legolas faints. "I mean...poo." He runs off with about 20 fangirls behind him.

Legolas sits back up. "That was strange..." He looks back around and sees the bottle in front of him. "Um, hey! Look over there!" He points to a random direction. "It's Legolas!"

"What!?"

"Really!?"

Everyone turns to see. The elf takes this opportunity and chucks the bottle into a nearby field of tall grass. "Hahaha! Now I won't have to ki-" He realizes the rabid fangirls are staring at him.

One of their heads turns a 180 degrees around and looks at him. "You do NOT want to finish that sentence."

*gulp* "You're right, I don't. Haha, what was I ever thinking?" He smiles nervously.

"Oh, we didn't know you felt that way Leggy! Everyone, GROUP HUG!"

"No, wait!" He waves his hands frantically in the air. "You guys have to go get the bottle!"

They stop. "Oh yeah. Well, stay right here while some of our cult...err, I mean, ETHNIC group goes and gets it!"

^^;; "Eh-heh, sure. No problem"

A couple run off to go retrieve the bottle.

"Okay, while they're out looking for it, we can play truth or dare!"

"Oh geez..."

"WHAT WAS THAT!?"

"I said, 'Oh, how wonderful!'"

"That's what I thought."

They sit in a circle, pulling Legolas down with them. "Okay Leggy! Truth or dare!?"

"Tru-"

"Do you like lembas bread? Oh wait, that's a stupid question. Are you," *gigglegiggle* "...gay?"

He sat for a moment thinking of how to answer that. Maybe if he told them he was, they would leave him alone... "Yes, yes I am."

"Really!? Yay! Now we can do more girl stuff!" ^^

"Wait, I changed my-"

"No, he's lying to us! You're not gay!"

"Yeah! You can't get away THAT easily!"

"Since you have lied to the almighty ones, you can no longer be a darer or a questioner."

"Hey, that's not fair!"

"YES IT IS! YOU LIED TO US!"

"Eaugh, fine."

^^ "Okay. What do you use to clean your hair?"

"That's not a truth question..."

"So what. Just answer it."

"Mmm," *ponder* "Lemon juice."

"...huh?"

"Oh yeah, and garlic!"

"...how odd. But I guess if that's what you use, it must work!" ^^

"Fools..."

"WHAT!?"

"I didn't say anything."

A leader fangirl waves a couple off to get the said items.

"Hmm, what should we do next?"

"I dunno."

"Oh! Maybe we can take his boxers!"

"He doesn't wear boxers, he wears briefs!"

"Boxers!"

"Briefs!"

"BOXERS!"

"BRIEFS!"

"He doesn't wear EITHER of those!"

"Oh yes he does!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"DOES NOT!

"DOES TOO!"

This continues on a bit with Legolas sitting nearby, temporarily forgotten. "All right, now's my chance..." He stands up and silently runs over to a tree.

"THONG!"

"G-STRING!"

"NOTHING!"

"BOX-"

"Oh my Gosh, look you guys!" A random fangirl shouts and points to the elf, who was climbing a tree at that moment.

"Goddamnit..."

"What do you think you're doing!?"

"What does it look like I'm doing!? I'm running away from you...you...you FREAKS!"

"WHAT!?"

"WE ARE NOT FREAKS!"

"WE ARE RABID FANGIRLS!"

"DO YOU DEFY US!?"

"GET BACK DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

"No you psychos! Leave me alone!"

"PSYCHOS!?"

"OH, THAT DOES IT!"

The rabid fangirls swarm over to the base of the tree and attempt to climb up.

"Ow!"

"Son of a bitch!"

"How'd he get up there!? The branches are too high!"

"Don't worry! We can form a human ladder!"

"Good idea!"

"Yeah!"

"Everyone get on someone else's shoulders and hold steady!"

They do as they're told and to the great surprise and horror of Legolas, they succeed in creating a stable human ladder.

"Every time..." He mutters.

"We're coming for you Legolas!"

"No, please, stay away!"

"We can't do that! We...must...HAVE YOU!!"

"NO!" He desperately looks for a way to escape, but can't see very far in the dark. "Damnit, damnit, damnit! Why meee!? Why does this always happen to meee!?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST!"

"Then why do you torture me like this!?"

"WE LOVE YOOUUU!"

"No, go away!" He kicks a couple back to the ground, who are caught by fellow fangirls.

"DO NOT TRY TO INFLICT PAIN UPON US! WE ARE INVINCIBLE!"

"NooOOOoo! Help meeeeeee!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: *GASP!* Will the fangirls ever reach Legolas!? How will he escape their wrath!? Read later to find out! XD

^^ Please Review! ^^