"Jacob can I ask you what you're doing?"
"Sure man go ahead."
"Alright, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm cooking."
"Might I ask why?"
"Why, you want some?"
"Jacob, I'm a vampire I don't eat."
"Then why are you so concerned with me cooking food?"
"I'm only concerned when you are cooking in my kitchen."
"Dude, you just said you don't eat so why does it matter if I cook here, it's not like any of you need the kitchen for anything."
"Get out of my house Jacob."
"Why I'm not bothering anyone am I?"
"Rosalie is threatening to kill you."
"That's new?"
"Jacob I—"
"Hey Cullen while you're just standing there, mind passing me the pepper?"
"Yes I do."
"Hmm someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
"I don't sleep Jacob.
"I stand by what I said."
"Jacob."
"Edward."
"Why are you cooking in my kitchen?"
"I'm making a surprise for Nessie."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, and seriously dude pepper."
"And is there some reason that you couldn't do this at your own home?"
"Yes."
"Do you plan on telling me?"
"No."
"Well I can just read your mind you know."
"Hey Cullen why don't you make yourself useful for once, and pass me the damn pepper."
"Hey dog why don't you do something useful for once and leave."
"You really need to work on your people skills."
"You're exactly right, why don't you leave so I can work on them?"
"Seriously Cullen! I could've gotten the pepper 10 minutes ago."
"Fine, here, why are you making all this anyway? You know Nessie detests most human food."
"Not when I make it."
"I didn't know you've cooked for her before."
"I haven't."
"Then how…?"
"Look Cullen we can stand here all day going back and forth…."
"Or you can leave, I'm sure there are some fire hydrants you can have fun with it."
"Dude, these dog jokes of yours are getting really old."
"I still think they're good."
"You know I'm glad some of us have the time to just stand around annoying people but some of us have actual things to do."
"What is it time for your impersonation of Lassie?"
"At least some of us don't smell."
"I do not smell Jacob."
"Uh yeah you do, I just wanna throw an air freshener at you."
"I should really start locking the door…."
"You should really start wearing some deodorant."
"Jacob do you remember the other day when I said I wanted to put your head through a wall?"
"Yeah."
"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I think I'll go for something easier like asphyxiation."
