Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. Credits go to Veronica Roth. However, I do own my many OCs.
Ugly. The words spin through my mind as I stumble over to my bed. I'm ugly. And a liar. And not worth anything. I'm a loser.
No, Rebecca, I tell myself. You're not a loser. You are a proud Candor.
But then doubts start to float through me once more and I flop down on the bed, feeling several tears slip out.
After all, Carrie can't lie. So if she insults me, it means she really means it, which makes it hurt even more.
Why can't she leave me alone?
Ever since she started dating my first and only crush, she's been rubbing it in my face and bragging that he chose her and not me. I hate her deeply for that, but I know she's right.
I don't belong in Candor, she said. I don't belong in Candor.
Well, what a coincidence. The Choosing Ceremony's in a month for me, and I'm just counting down the days I can prove her wrong, no matter what the aptitude test says.
I am Candor. I'm not a liar.
The words echo through my head as I try to forget Carrie. Forget how she hung back after class, after the teacher left, and confronted me as I was the last to leave. Forget how she challenged me with personal questions and then insulted me deeply when I didn't want to answer them. Forget how Liam just stood there and watched and didn't even defend me.
I will put up with her just to prove her wrong. Just one more day.
Just one more day.
My younger sister Cassie is counting on me to choose Candor. She's only eleven and it would crush her if I chose another faction.
It would almost be a joke to choose another faction, actually. I get too angry to be Amity, too selfish to be Abnegation, too dumb to be Erudite, too cowardly to be Dauntless.
But just enough honesty to be Candor.
Dinner that night passes quickly like usual. Mom and Dad berate Cassie for her low score on an exam – brutally honest like always. Cassie looks upset, but I comfort her by slipping her my dessert – a thin slice of vanilla cake.
After dinner, my mother washes the dishes while Cassie and I serve my father his evening tea and his biscuits and jam. He reads the newspaper (written and published by Erudite, delivered by Abnegation) silently, only commenting on what he thinks is important.
Once the dishes are done, my father tells me to stay back while my mother gets Cassie ready for bed. I look at him curiously.
"Aptitude test is tomorrow," he says curtly, putting down his newspaper. "What faction do you think you'll get?"
"Candor," I tell him honestly. "I'm going to get Candor and then I'm going to choose Candor at the Choosing Ceremony."
He studies me for a second, trying to detect any lies, but I'm telling the full truth – or at least what I believe.
Finally, he smiles. "I'm glad to hear it, Rebecca. Initiation might be hard, but believe me, it'll be worth it."
"Father, you don't need to worry. I've always been truthful."
He nods. "That I know. I was just making sure."
I smile back. "Goodnight, Father."
"Goodnight, my Candor daughter."
I turn and walk back to my room, feeling very proud. It's not every day my father will praise me like that.
Sleep overcomes me quickly and I wake up in the morning feeling fully rested, anticipating the full day to come.
I plan to take the bus like I usually do, with Abnegation and Erudite, but then I see Carrie boarding it as well, and decide to just walk. I really don't want to deal with her right now. Despite my firm decision that I want Candor, I'm still slightly nervous for the aptitude test, so I'm just going to go the coward's way – but only for this morning.
Five minutes in and I am lost in deep thought. I barely realize it when someone taps me on the shoulder.
I look up distractedly and immediately want to go hide in a hole somewhere.
It's Liam, my crush who's dating Carrie.
Oh great.
"What are you doing here?" he asks me curiously. The stubble around his chin looks particularly attractive right now, and I have to tear my eyes away from his beautiful blue eyes.
"Uh … um … I could ask you the s-same question," I stutter and stammer. Well that's just fantastic. I do not sound like a Candor right now.
But he just smiles slightly. "You could, technically, but I asked you first."
Suddenly I blurt out, totally against my will – but what can I say, I'm Candor – "Why didn't you stick up for me when your girlfriend was insulting me yesterday?"
Sure, it's what I wanted to say, it's what I'm truthfully thinking, but still. Sometimes Candor isn't the best option when you're talking to your crush – who's romantically involved with your mortal enemy.
Now it's his turn to stutter and stammer. Well, not as much as pathetic ol' me, but still good enough.
"Er … I, uh … Rebecca, I …"
Never mind, he was stammering as much as pathetic ol' me.
"You know what, I gotta go. I'm going to be late for the aptitude test," I interrupt.
"Yeah, me too," he says awkwardly. "Can I walk with you?"
Well crap. That was not what I was expecting.
"Um, I guess. Sure."
He smiles slightly and falls into line with me as we begin to walk.
"So, why did you decide to walk?" he asks after some silence.
I'm Candor, I remind myself. I tell the truth.
"Your girlfriend was pissing me off yesterday and I didn't want to deal with her right then and there," I answer bluntly. "Your turn."
He hesitates. "Same reason."
"Seriously?" I turn and face him, raising my eyebrows.
"Yeah, she called me a cheater yesterday and I didn't want to face her." He rolls his eyes. "To think I chose her."
I look at him carefully, trying to detect some sort of lie, but find none. "So, did you break up or something?" I ask, hoping for the best.
He chuckles a little and nods. "Yeah, we're over. I just can't handle her brutal honesty. I mean, I know she's Candor – and so am I – but she goes a little too far." I do a silent little happy dance that he doesn't notice. "But, uh … you're kind of the first one to know we broke up, so just … please don't mention it. Like at all. We're waiting for the Choosing Ceremony when we'll probably choose different factions."
"Wait a minute. Are you going to choose another faction?"
"I'm actually thinking Erudite," he says thoughtfully. "My older brother transferred there a couple years ago and said it was pretty great."
My stomach drops. Erudite. He wants to transfer to Erudite.
"Your uncle is Jack Kang," I remind him. "How do you think he'll feel about that?"
"My parents will probably disown me," he tells me like he doesn't even care. "Probably same with him. I'm already a disgrace for choosing to date Carrie."
"Wait, why?"
"Her mom transferred from Amity and her dad from Dauntless. She's not the best kid in that sense, even though she is a perfect Candor."
"Really? I didn't know her parents' old factions. I actually thought they were Candor-born."
"Nope."
The Hub slowly comes into view, and he turns to me.
"You know, I really like talking to you," he says suddenly. "You're pretty easy-going, did you know that?"
The only thing I can think of is to say, "Huh" like I'm some kind of pathetic weirdo who really doesn't know what to say when someone flatters her.
Oh wait. I am that pathetic weirdo.
"You're actually kind of cute," he continues, and my eyes widen hugely. Seriously? He's choosing now to do this?
"Thanks," I respond awkwardly.
"And since I think we'll be choosing different factions – after all, you're the perfect Candor and I want Erudite – I really wanted to do this before we probably never see each other again."
And suddenly he takes a step towards me, takes my head, and presses his lips firmly to mine.
It's pretty freakin' amazing, and my legs feel like jelly. When he lets me go, I feel like I'm on cloud nine.
Until I see Carrie, along with pretty much every other Abnegation, Candor, and Abnegation staring at us in shock from the windows of the bus going by.
Well crap.
Please review.
Be brave.
