A/N: This is my first fan fiction, ever, criticism is welcome but please be nice. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: characters and places all belong to Tolkien

A Bad Idea

"Right, is everybody listening? It began long ago in a land far away to the east, the like of which you would not find in the world today, There was a city of Dale, its markets known far and wide, full of the bounties of fine and vale peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle Earth, Era…"

"BORING, can't we just start?"

"Look, it's the back story, if I don't tell you what's happened you won't understand what is happening later on."

"Wait, I'm still looking at my character sheet, I'm a dwarf, but I'm fat, how can I be part of the company if all I can do is waddle?"

"Look at your stats, you might be large but you can still move like everyone else. Is that it? Any more questions? Right, where was I? For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle Earth, Erebor. Stronghold of Thrain, King under the mountain, mightiest of the dwarf lords. Thrain ruled with u…"

"Hang on! It says I have an axe embedded in my skull! How am I still alive?"

"You survived but you can't take the axe out or you'll die, if you just listened to the back story you would know! Also, you can only speak Khuzdul, the ancient language of the dwarves, here's a dictionary."

"Ozodl ugog u un."

"That's enough of that! I play the powerful wizard Gandalf, the one who will be leading you all on this adventure, I am the only one who can understand you, I also have a dictionary. Anything else? As I was saying, Thrain ruled with utter surety, never doubting his house would endure, for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grand…"

"The hell?! They all get swords and axes and I get a bloody slingshot?"

"That's it! I give up! There's a dragon, a city turned to ash and vast hoards of gold but none of that seems to be important now, I knew trying to do a D&D with 15 people would be a bad idea…"