This is my first story I ever published...so long story short, this may or may not sound like a child wrote it... I was aiming for cute with this song-fic, I think... ;P
Hope you enjoy it, though!
Disclaimer: I don't own Alvin and the Chipmunks; I also don't own the song I have associated in this story.
Where'd You Go? (feat. Holly Brook & Jonah Matranga) - Fort Minor
POV: Brittany
Where'd you go?
It's been two years since he's been gone. Two years since he's been on that stupid trip around the world. Why did I ever agree on letting him leave on that tour? Oh, yeah, totally forgot, I agreed on it just for him. So he can go and live his dreams….but what about my dreams? All I wanted was to be with him. I feel like I'm slipping away from him. The longer he's gone the farther and more distance I feel with him. I feel like I'm losing him…..but to what? He wouldn't leave me for his career of singing, would he?
Ever since the "gang," I guess you could call it that, broke apart, he went on to be a solo artist. We still are all best buds and all. We didn't break apart the band because of some stupid fight or anything like that. It was the decision we all made. I guess we all needed a break. But he still wanted to sing, which is great, but it's leaving me all lonely because of the places he has to go to perform. I miss him so much.
I know I keep on asking this, but seriously! Why did he go? Why? Why leave your family? Why leave your younger brothers? Why leave me, your so called girlfriend? Ugh! I have got to stop this! What kind of a girlfriend would do this? Shouldn't I be all happy and proud for him? Why can't I be happy for him? I am being so selfish right now! I need to be happy for him. He's living his dreams for crying out loud!
If he's happy then I should be too…but it's so hard….If I truly love him then I can wait for him. My dreams can wait, right? Will they even come true? I mean come on! What are the chances of them coming true? Things change in time, and time might change him. He may move on and leave me. Gosh that arrogant jerk may be sweet talking some chick into sleeping with him right now, this second! Jeez, what am I talking about? I really need to calm down.
Alvin would never hurt me, right? No, I know him like the back of my hand. Gosh I'm pretty sure I know him better than he even knows himself! I know him…he wouldn't hurt me. Seeing me hurt would just scar him for life! No joke! If he's the one to blame for me being upset, he would just 'bout be ready to kill himself, literally! Well, I guess I'm being a little too extreme, but still! That's what it feels like. I feel like he's just about ready to go and jump off a 300 feet bridge or jump in front of a train that's at full speed, all because he's the one to blame for me being hurt.
When I cry or am upset, he does everything, and I mean every single thing he can to make me smile or laugh. Even if it's by far the one thing he would never want to do. He'll do it, just to make me smile. I know what you're thinking, that does not sound like the amazing Alvin Seville, but, over the years I've known him, I've gotten to see a whole new side that I never even knew existed in his own little world. I've got a life time of memories of him doing the dumbest things on this planet to make me smile. But I've also got a life time of memories of him doing the sweetest things he could ever do to make me smile.
I've got so many memories of things he did for me. He's by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. That's ever been mine. I love him with all my heart and soul. Ever since my feelings have been unlocked, I've grown to love him more and more if that's even possible, but it certainly seems to be possible in my world.
He should be back by now….well I guess would be back by now. This trip thing was supposed to be only a year long, but his stupid manager had to go off and extend it to be another FOUR years longer. FOUR YEARS! That's SO long! What in this world is that manager thinking? Is he trying to kill me? Sure seems like it. Jeez! I'm only half way there! I'm not sure if I can wait another two and a half years wasting my life away waiting for him!
When he boarded the private plane that was prepared for him, I already began to miss him. I felt like half of my heart was taken away as soon as the plane took off in flight. Thinking about this made all of the memories flash right past my eyes. All the pain, loneliness, tears, everything I ever felt threatened to come back. I can't fight this off anymore. I can't stay strong any longer. I know I promised myself that night he left that I would be strong for him. I know I did….but I can't take this anymore.
I'm so sorry Alvin…I'm not as strong as you think I am….as you believed I am…..I never was strong to begin with.
Suddenly they came. The tears I've been fighting off for so long. They finally broke through me. They finally broke through my heart. Within a split second I began to cry. The tears started to stream down my face like a waterfall. I got up from the couch I was on and ran to my bedroom…well I guess our bedroom, but he's not here. He's not going to be here like he always has been for me. In fact, he's not going to be here for a very long time. Yeah sure two and a half years is nothing for some people to wait, but to me, it's like waiting a million years for something that might not even come.
I ran through the hallway that lead to our bedroom and jumped on the bed in the center against the wall of the big room. I know it's really weird. You'd probably suspect that we'd be at least married if we're going to be living with each other, but no, not us. Doesn't really bother me whether or not I'm married before I start living with him, but I do hope one day, any day for all I care, that he does ask me, but obviously not now. To me, getting married is basically a seal that holds a boy and a girl together for life. Like I said, I'm not even sure how long this will last anymore. I always thought it would be forever, but now, I don't know anymore. I'm falling apart.
I lay sprawled out on my stomach, my elbows on my bed, while my hands hid my face as I just bawled my eyeballs out, literally. I'm crying so much. Is it possible to run out of tears to shed? Seriously, I've been crying a ton, too much if you ask me. Should I really be wasting my tears on him? Is it even worth it? I don't know what to think anymore.
UGH! Okay, okay, chill out Brittany! Girl, be strong! Stop thinking about him if it's making you cry! Get your mind off of him and on something else; then you should stop crying. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good plan I thought as a small smile began creeping on my face. Huh, for once my brain is being smart! Okay, something to get my mind distracted of him, uh…..…there's like nothing.
I rolled over on my back and just stared at the ceiling. Suddenly the wind outside began howling, and seconds later, small trickles began hitting the window. A cold breeze came over me giving me the chills. Looking up remembering the window was opened, a big flash came followed by a loud BOOM! I jumped and sat up on the bed.
"WOW! Stupid weather man, they're never right", I grumbled as I stood up off the bed and silently walked over to the window.
With a little effort, I got the window closed. Weather men I swear are always, and I mean always, wrong! They said it would be 'a nice and sunny day today!' Oh boy, if I ever get my hands on one of them someday, they will wish they never became a weather man. Suddenly my eyes got attracted to a couple who were running off to the closest restaurant they could get to.
The boy and girl seemed to be about mine and Alvin's age, maybe a little older...oh I don't know! I mean Alvin's only twenty and I'm just a year younger, so, yeah, I guess we are pretty young. Then a bright flash snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up at the once baby blue, cloudless sky, to only see it was now covered in dark and gray clouds that showered out little droplets of salt water.
Softly sighing to myself, my gaze landed on the couple again. The boy wore a suit which to me was a little too formal for a date, but whatever, I'm just being…paranoid like that, I guess. Well actually, it's probably just my taste in guys, ha, and well let's just say I'm a sucker for, uh, 'bad' boys. Oh I don't know! What else am I supposed to call them? I looked over at the girl who had on a red dress with a white cardigan over it and matching white heels. Huh, good luck running in those. Hmm, the girls outfit wasn't too shabby…..goes along with the boys outfit in being all formal…okay. I approve of the couple. I officially think they are cute together. They should so go off and get married; or are they already married? Huh, whatever.
I'm such a CREEPER! Jeez! I'm just sittin' here, staring at them, they have no clue that I'm watching their every move; I've been watching them for how long again? Oh! And for a BONUS, I'm staring at them through my window! Hmm, I don't know, if you ask me, that's a definite definition of a creeper. At least I'm not taking pictures, oh boy, that would be just, creepy, but HEY! Isn't that why their called creepers? Plus, I'm pretty sure everyone in this world has at least been a creeper at LEAST once in their life.
When the couple got under some shelter, big smiles stretched across their faces and they began to burst out laughing over who knows what. Suddenly a low grumble started coming on from the sky. The girl in the red dress cowered back a little and clang onto the boy's arm. Both of them stared up at the sky as the rain began to pour harder. When the grumble died down, they looked at each other and began laughing again, as if the moment could never end.
My heart began to ache in pain and slowly, started to crack. Tears threatened to fall out as I just stood there in awe, watching the couple. The boy gently held the girls face in his hands, and moved in closer and closer, closing in the space between their lips. As soon as their lips collided with each other, my eyes blurred up. I shut my eyes tight and turned away as the tears began to fall down my face. Bowing my head, I clenched my fists tightly as the pain of knowing he's not going to be here for a very long time soared throughout my body.
Building up the courage to look back out at the couple, I slowly opened my eyes and fixed my gaze on the couple once more. The sight stabbed at my heart as more tears began to fall. Regretting I ever looked, I tried to look away, but my body wouldn't move; I was completely frozen. As the boy broke away from the kiss, he held the girl safely in his arms as he slowly began to stroke her hair.
Out of the corner of my eye there suddenly was a quick flash, but I ignored it, I was too focused on the two. The boy and the girl got out of the hold and smiled at each other then walked off inside the restaurant, hand in hand. I couldn't help but smile weakly at this. Everything they have is so perfect, it's all just…..so real.
They're so lucky. Everything they have is real. They don't have to fake how they're feeling. It's all real. What they have right now, it's all the truth. No lies are hidden within it.
I wish that's how it could be with me. Earlier today, in the morning, at like what? 5 A.M. in the morning? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was that early, if not, earlier. I haven't really been able to sleep normal…it's just so weird and lonely not having him there by my side. I know, I know, you'd think I would get used to it, having him gone and all, but, to be honest, I'm not sure if I can get used to it. Anyway, so since I couldn't fall back to sleep, I decided to go give Ms. Miller and Dave a visit.
Of course I waited a few more hours to go because it was like 5:00 in the morning! Who is going to be up at that time? I know for sure Ms. Miller won't and Dave, uh, maybe, probably not though. So to kill time, of course I got ready. It takes time to get ready if you know what I mean. Boys like Alvin, never seem to understand why it takes time, or I guess I should say, 'a million years', as he would say it.
So yeah, I took a shower, picked out a pretty decent outfit, dried and then did my hair, got my makeup on, checked to make sure everything looked perfect, double checked my hair and makeup, and yeah, pretty much did the usual. All of that just took in total, umm, an hour and a half, about, maybe less. Hey, if you think that takes long, it actually doesn't compared to some other girls out there, so, I wouldn't complain. I got breakfast down in the lobby, talked a little to the people down there that I've gotten to know that also live in this enormous fancy-pants hotel, and then I finally got on my way to my old home and his old home, which, by the way, is only like two houses away.
Finally, when I got there, I parked my light pink mini cooper on the side of the rode. When I checked the time on my car, it said it was 7:30 A.M. I decided I would give Dave a visit first, then Ms. Miller knowing she would probably cry and take much more time then Dave. So, I did just what I planned. Talked to Dave first, then Ms. Miller. Said hi, asked them how they've been doing and all of that stuff, and of course, they both asked how I've been doing with Alvin being gone, we talked a little about him, no biggie, I guess. The whole time I just smiled and nodded my head.
Ms. Miller finally let me go, and we said our goodbyes til' next time I come and visit her. When I got to my car, it was 8:55, so I decided I would have enough time to do a morning jog. So, yeah, changed into clothes for running, then on my morning jog, saw people I know, pretty typical, chatted a little with them and then when I was done with my jog and decided I got enough exercise for the day, I headed back to the hotel. When I got back, it was lunch time, so I chatted again with people that were there, and then headed back up to my room on like, the thirteenth floor? Wait, just kidding, fifteenth floor. Yeah, this is one heck of a hotel. And, uh, everything else I've done so far today is just, not interesting.
Today so far really has just been another day, where I just faked it all, again. Nothing was real. My smile, my happiness, just everything, all of it was just, fake. No one sees how I'm really feeling. No one sees the act I've been putting up. I wish I could just stop it. Just stop faking and acting everything out and just be normal for once. But no, I can't.
I can't show anyone that I just want him to screw the tour and come back home. Everyone's so happy and proud of him for how far he's going. They wouldn't understand if I showed my feelings; they'd just think I'm a horrible girlfriend. Yeah, sure, I'm happy and proud for him, but…I miss him so much. It's killing me on the inside. But again, no one can see it. Not my friends, not his brothers, not even my sisters…no one can see this fake smile, fake happiness, this fake stupid act I put up, no one.
Some days, well, most days actually, I just can't handle it. Today I couldn't handle it. Why did he have to go again? Well, I know the answer to that, but, what I'm really trying to ask myself I guess is, why does he have to be gone this long? Why is he always gone? He's never here, never. I can handle him being gone, but, not this long.
Lately I've been waiting by the phone. I always find myself in the same spot, which is on the couch, which has the low glass table right in front of it, which just so happens, to have the phone laying on it, and I know, I know that I'm waiting for the phone because I'm always staring at it. Sadly, I hate to say, but that's just was I was doing earlier before running into here. Which, yeah, it's pretty dang pathetic if you ask me. I'm always staring the phone down, hoping, no, not hoping, waiting for it to ring. Don't even ask me why I stare at it though, cause I have no idea what so ever; I guess I feel like if I stare at it long enough, it will ring and he'll be on the other end.
Whenever he, Alvin, calls, it always makes my mood a thousand times better than the mood I was in earlier. I don't feel so…lonely anymore. Hearing his voice is all I need to make me feel better, but, it's getting more 'rare' to hear his voice. He's getting more and more busy. Soon, he's not going to have enough time to call and talk to me.
What am I talking about? Whenever he calls, I never even have much to say to him. I don't know why I even get so worked up for his phone calls. Gosh, it's so messed up! I'm always stuck waiting for his phone calls. I've been deciding whether or not I should just go ahead and tell him that I've just had it! I've had it with him and his stupid little career of being a rock star. I'm not going to wait for him anymore. That I just can't do it. But each time he calls, I never bring myself to say it. After talking to him, I always get my hopes up in thinking I can actually wait for him, and that I can actually handle it. I just can't imagine a life without him.
UGH! I am such an idiot! I'm just wasting my time! Letting out a frustrated sigh, I marched off back to the bed and belly flopped on in. Suddenly like a tidal wave, all of my memories I've ever had with him, from the very beginning when we first met, to when we became best friends, to when we became something more, all of it just came washing over me. There were so many memories that have been forgotten.
How could I forget all of that? Wait, that's not even the question I should be asking. No, I should be asking how I remembered all of those memories, but then again, how could I not remember? I began smiling insanely to myself like some weirdo. I wasn't smiling because I am some weirdo, I just did it because I just barely remembered all of the dinners and holidays we had together. Mainly Halloween and the barbecues we had stuck out, oh, good times, good times. I wonder if he remembers though. Does he?
No. He probably doesn't. He's making new ones down in, umm, wherever the heck he is. Something wet began rolling down my cheeks. NO! No more crying. I quickly wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. I've got to stop thinking about him. Rolling off of the bed, I landed softly on the floor with a small thud slightly catching myself with my hands. Pushing myself up and off of my stomach, I got on my knees. Placing my hand on the bed for support, I pulled myself up and on my feet. Glancing over my shoulder to look at the clock above the window, I sighed deeply to myself. So, it's 6 P.M., huh, I should probably eat dinner…nah, I'm not hungry.
I just stood there like a complete moron thinking to myself. Come on! There has got to be something to do! Letting out a groan and stomping my foot like a five year old; I folded my arms and pouted annoyed. Wow, my life really is boring without him, isn't it? There's like nothing to do. Maybe I should just go back to sulking to myself and complaining he's not here, oh and bawling my eyes out; how could I forget? I seem to be doing it perfectly fine. If there was a contest to see who could cry the most, DING! DING! DING! I would win first place for sure.
A low deep grumble suddenly came up from my stomach. My hand flung up and landed on my stomach as soon as the grumble was heard. On second thought, dinner is actually sounding good right now. Another deep grumble sounded off again. Yup, dinner is sounding extremely good. Off to the lobby then. Dropping my hand from my stomach, I began walking off. Taking a quick look in the mirror, in the bathroom, I stopped right in my tracks. Marching straight up to the counter of the bathroom, I leaned over getting a closer look in the mirror.
Oh my gosh! What is that thing in the mirror? Well, more likely, who is that in the mirror—oh. It's me, isn't it? I look absolutely horrifying! Awe man! My makeup's all smudged! Stupid tears. Gasping to myself in horror, I leaned back away from the mirror. Ew, was I really going to go down looking like this? I stared that beastly looking-well, myself down, in the mirror. Thank goodness I looked in the mirror before taking step out of this room! That would've been a disaster if I went down looking like this! Probably give an old lady a heart attack!
Swiftly grabbing some toilet paper, I wetted it and began washing away the smudged makeup. Then I opened up one of the bathroom drawers and grabbed out my mascara and eyeliner. Quickly fixing up my makeup, I pulled my rubber band out from my hair and ran my fingers through it like a brush. Grabbing all of my hair together up, I tied the rubber band back in and pulled my ponytail tight. I brushed my bangs back to the side and looked once again in the mirror.
Annoyingly enough, there was still one more thing I had to do. Change my outfit. I was still in my shorts and tank top from running. While walking out of the bathroom, I began stripping my clothes off. Turning I walked into the room next door to the bathroom, which conveniently just so happens to be a walk in closet; a really big walk in closet. I dropped my shorts and tank on the floor. I'll pick those up later. Just watch, I am so going to forget about them. Rolling my eyes at the thought, I started to go through all of the clothes in drawers and on hangers.
Finally finding some black sweats and a loose white V-neck shirt, I looked over at my shoes. Eyeing my pink hi-tops, deciding whether or not it would match, I grabbed them anyways. After getting on my outfit, I went back to the bathroom and once again, looked in the mirror. Nodding my head in approval at my appearance, I walked out of my bathroom and then out of my bedroom.
Making my way down the short hallway, I went over to the countertop in the small kitchen. Grabbing my keys to the room and placing them in the pockets of my sweat pants, I officially walked out of my room and then made sure the door locked behind me. Sighing to myself in relief, I headed off to the lobby. Finally! I'm so hungry!
When I got to the lobby, I headed over to the big buffet table. After I got my food, I went over and sat next to the girls who I usually sit with. Seeing that they were totally caught up in their conversation, which, I don't have a single clue in what they're talking about; I think something about how one of them, which I don't know who, caught their boyfriend cheating on them and all of that drama, but, I'm not sure. Oh well, for once I may be able to eat in peace! Yeah, in my dreams! Their probably going to notice me in 3…2…1…
"Brittany! Brittany! Like oh my gosh girl! Since when did you get here? I didn't see you sit down!" a dirty blonde haired girl screamed leaping at me and giving me a big hug.
"Cami—could you—loosen—the grip—" I choked out barely able to breath from her tight hug.
"Oh, hehe, sorry, it's just, I haven't seen you in like a month!" she said letting out a giggle at the end.
I rolled my eyes along with all of the other girls who soon went back to their conversation. I let out a soft chuckle thinking about Cami's actions. Jeez, she acts like she's sixteen still! She's twenty-two! Yeah, like, three years older than me and she acts more worse than I do!
"Yeah… SO! How was your honeymoon? It was, uh, in Hawaii, right?" I questioned remembering why she was gone.
"YEAH! IT WAS AMAZING! I HAD ABSOLUTELY THE BEST TIME EVER!" she screamed clapping her hands out of excitement, and printed on her face was the biggest, and I mean THE biggest smile ever.
After her, uh, little outburst, the whole entire room went silent. Everyone turned and just stared at her, and of course she didn't notice. I looked around the room and gave them all a sheepish grin.
Then a group of guys came in through the doors laughing and all, which, thankfully, everyone else soon stopped staring and slowly, got back to their conversations they were having.
"Wow, I thought it would be horrendous," I sarcastically said earning a playful slap in arm.
"You certainly haven't changed," Cami said giggling more.
She's always giggling! I swear! Not that it's a bad thing, but, it kind of does get annoying if you know what I mean. She's like a giggling machine!
"Oooh, ouch. That stung deep," I retorted back sounding hurt.
"Ha, yeah, I'm sure it did! Hey, where's Alvin? I haven't seen him anywhere. Did something happen between you two while I was gone?" she questioned, big brown eyes scanning the place.
I bit my bottom lip to stop the tears from falling. Great, the one thing I really want to avoid right now, caught up with me, again. There's always someone I talk to who forgets that Alvin's on a million year tour.
"Umm, actually, he's still on that tour, and he won't be coming back for a while still, so, yeah, I wouldn't expect to see him anytime, soon…but hey, he's going out there doing what he loves most, so, that's good, I guess," I said almost in a whisper forcing a smile towards the end.
"Oh, right, he'll be back soon, don't worry about it," she smiled gently at me.
"Yeah, if he's going to be back soon, how come I feel like he'll never come back," I muttered under my breath.
Cami didn't seem to have heard me so I just sighed quietly to myself and asked wanting to change the subject, "So, tell me, what happened on your honeymoon..?" I noticed her face began to redden a lot and she looked down at her lap. "Oh, speechless, was it that bad and your little outburst about it being just oh so amazing was a lie?" I taunted.
That seemed to have pulled the trigger because after I said that, her head snapped up and she slapped me once again in the arm, and then she began giggling crazy. Her face started to get redder.
"NO! It was really amazing! Okay, so let me tell you—" and blah, blah, blah, was all I heard after that.
Not that I wasn't interested, but my mind couldn't get Alvin's image out. I'm doing everything in my power to get his image out, but, obviously I'm failing at this, 'cause his image isn't going away.
I just smiled the whole time not getting a single word she said. I know, I know, I'm horrible for doing this, but, his image doesn't seem to be packing its bag and taking its leave already.
Cami's boyfriend-excuse me, husband, eh, boyfriend works too doesn't it? Well, yeah, anyway, I saw Cami's boyfriend walk in through the doors and I pointed over at him. At first Cami looked at me weirdly, but when she turned to see who I was pointing at, she squealed jumped out of her seat.
"Sorry, but I have to go, he's taking me to the movies tonight, so, talk to you later? Oh and I'll finish my story, okay?" she squealed and ran over to him.
Her boyfriend leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips and they both turned and waved goodbye to me. I smiled at them and gave a small wave back before they turned and walked out the doors hand in hand.
I ignored the pain that shot through my heart like a bullet, and turned my attention on to the food I still had in my plate. Taking little bites at a time, I looked around the lobby, and yeah, bad idea. I nearly gave up my food that I had in my stomach, a.k.a., I nearly vomited. Choking a little on my food, I grabbed my glass of water and chugged it down.
Looking around the room this time prepared, I began to purse my lips together. Wonderful, there are SO many couples here! I am like, the only one here who doesn't have their, ugh….'soul mate', with them, or whatever you wanna call it. So dumb. I looked down at my food and this time, lost my appetite. There are so many couples here, and I'm pretty much the only one here who's just sittin' here awkwardly alone.
Getting up and out of my seat, I went and threw away my food even though I hardly even ate any of it. I walked over to the elevator. While waiting for the doors to open, I dared myself to look around the room once more, and sadly enough, I accepted it.
Gazing around the room, again, I nearly broke down in tears. Almost as if on cue, every single couple, literally like no joke every single couple, kissed, or hugged, or did whatever to each other. WOW! That's just what I wanted to see! With big eyes and jaw dropped, I quickly snapped out of my trance and squeezed my eyes shut along with clamping my jaw shut, and flinched away.
DING. Perfect timing! Thank you! At least there's something in this world that turns out right. The doors to the elevator opened and I walked in along with all of the other people that were waiting. Just kidding, I take it all back! This world is never right for me anymore. As fate would have it, a couple walked out of the elevator, hand in hand, which, normally, I wouldn't really be affected by it, but, the pain that shot through my heart earlier decided to take another fire and the pained screamed inside me.
Honestly, I have no idea-I don't know what's going on with me. I've never felt such…pain. Probably just being paranoid…really, really, paranoid. If you think about it, why wouldn't I be paranoid? My boyfriend is on a tour that feels like forever, I haven't gotten a call from him in what? Three weeks? Yeah, something like that, and there are all of these couples that have their other half with them, and I'm the only one here who doesn't have their guy with them, so yeah, right now I'm feeling pretty useless. Everything I've done so far, it's all just been pointless and a waste of my time.
"Forever alone," I sulked to myself looking up.
Crap! Totally forgot, awe man, could life just get any better? Apparently not. Slightly gulping, I looked to my right to see not one, but all pairs of eyes on me. Jeez, I only said 'forever alone' and what do you know, everyone just has to look over at me, yay. More like stare if you ask me. How did I forget I was on an elevator? How do you forget you're on an elevator? Tell me, how do you? Oh, I know! Your name obviously has to be Brittany Miller.
Remembering that eyes were still staring at me, I gave them all an apologetic smile and turned so my back was facing them. Then I brought my left hand up to my ear and pretended that I had one of those ear piece things, you know on movies how they have the weird things that they stick in the ear and you can communicate and hear the other person, yeah, well I decided to give my acting skills a shot, and let me tell you, I felt like a complete idiot.
"Hey, umm, Tommy," that was the first name that popped up in my head, "I'm on an elevator right now and I don't want these people to think I'm crazy," they probably already do think I'm a crazy lunatic, "so, yeah, I'll talk to you later?" Awkward silence, "Okay, yeah, alright, well bye."
Who in their right mind would do something as dumb as this? Mentally slapping myself for actually doing it, I brought my hand back down and turned to face my audience and, yeah, they were all staring at me, still. I was really tempted to snap at them and say, "Didn't anyone tell you it's not nice to stare?" but of course, gotta keep my cool. I smiled at them and looked away trying to act as normal as possible.
I began to relax a little when I felt their gazes shift away from me. My plan worked! At least I think it did. Oh well, either way, I got them to stop staring. Then again, they would've had to stop staring eventually, or else that's just weird if they didn't. DING! The elevator doors opened.
My head snapped up and my gaze landed on the number above the elevator door. Realizing that this was my stop, I slowly walked out while people walked in. Wanting to get to my room as soon as possible before I would somehow make an even bigger fool of myself, I fast walked to my room, which soon broke out into a run.
As I made my way up to my room's door, my hand slid down into my sweat pants pockets and got the key out. As soon as I got the door open, I slammed it shut behind me and leaned my back against it. Tears began to brim my eyes as my back began sliding down, and soon I was on the floor. Slowly bringing my knees up and resting my elbows on it, I rested my head in my hands and just broke down in small sobs. I began trying to bite my lower lip to stop the tears from coming, but doing that just made me cry even more.
"Where'd you go?" Softly I began to sing.
"I miss you so…seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone," as I sang the lullaby, the tears began to slow down. Seeing that I was calming down, I continued.
"Where'd you go? I miss you so…seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone…please come back home…" Softly sighing to myself, I began running the words of the lullaby over and over in my head.
Ever since he left, this melody has been coming to my mind. Each night I sing this lullaby to distract me from him. I know the lullaby is about him, but, it just helps me. It's so hard to sleep without him knowing he could be anywhere, and that he's gone.
I hate having this feeling. The one where you feel so useless like there's nothing you can do. I've been sitting around waiting for his return, and it's done nothing to help me. I'm so fed up with making all of these excuses of why he's not here. I hate this. I hate everything. Everything is messed up, and I can't do this anymore. I can't take it anymore. I guess I've had it with him and his career, and it's his turn to sing this lullaby. 'Cause I won't be here singing it anymore. I'm leaving. I can't keep living this way anymore.
People always say 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone'…I never believed them, but…I guess that's the only thing that's been true all along. I got up from my spot, well more like forced myself up, because if I don't force myself, then I'd give in to my heart and stay. I know. I should listen to my heart, but, you can't always listen to your heart…even if it kills you on the inside. It's not easy to do this, but I can't always take the easy way out. Plus, I think he's better off without me…it'd be easier for him to live his dreams and…he'd be free to do whatever he wants. He wouldn't have someone like me always weighing him down.
If I'm going to leave, better start packing. It's now or never. Sighing to myself, I walked off down the small hallway that led to the bedroom. As I walked in, lights from outside danced around the room and as the soft pitter-patters of the rain continued to hit the window with still as much as power as it had before.
"I swear, it's always raining at glum moments," I muttered as I headed off inside the walk in closet.
When I walked in, I pulled out my big pink luggage from its hiding spot and went over to the hanging clothes. Lazily I grabbed the first thing I saw of mine that was hanging and pulled it off the hanger. As I turned on my heel, I began to fold the blouse I had pulled off. Thud. Groaning, I slowly turned around to see that the shirt that was hanging next to the one I had just pulled off fell. UGH! I hate it when that happens! So annoying when it does!
Tossing the now folded blouse inside my luggage, I slumped over to the shirt that had fallen. Stupid shirt, it just had to fall! I scooped up the shirt and opened it out to see what shirt it was. The shirt looked just like the one I was wearing, was white, had V-neck, but it wasn't mine. It was his.
Hesitantly, I brought the shirt up to my face and exhaled in a deep breath of it. My sight began to blur and I squeezed my eyes tight shut. The tears slowly rolled down my face and on his shirt. I'm so going to miss his scent. Should I leave? If I do leave, that's throwing away years and years of friendship; that's just throwing away everything we ever shared together. Do I really want to do that?
If I leave now, I'm never going to see those gorgeous golden eyes of his, I'm never going to see that famous smile of his, never going to feel his soft touch, ever again…never…in time, I'm eventually going to forget the feeling of being wrapped by his strong safe hold, to feel his soft lips touch mine, I'm eventually going to forget everything about him…the only things that I will never forget, is the fact that I used to be his girl…it was once me and him against the world…and that I'll never stop loving him with all of my heart and soul…Can I really just let him go? Am I strong enough to give him up?
Suddenly a low deep grumble was heard outside and the room shook a little. Opening up my eyes, I looked around the room. I'll stay for one more night. Then I'll go. I'll be gone in the morning; no remains of me.
Pulling his shirt away from me, I grabbed the hanger it was hanging on and gently hung it back on. With my feet, I slid my hi-tops off and threw them over inside the pink luggage. Then I pulled off my black sweats and put on a pair of black shorts. I went over to where I dropped my running outfit, or whatever you want to call it, and along with my sweats, I tossed it into my suitcase.
Slowly, I walked out of the closet, and headed over to the window that pounded with raindrops. I gazed out the window watching all of the flashing lights pass by. Feels like I'm back on stage again singing with my sisters and…with him and his brothers. As I blinked, a tear escaped my eyes. Breathing in, I let out a big breath and shifted my gaze down to the now fogged up glass.
As the fog faded away, I saw that there was a taxi in front of the hotel's entrance. I watched as the passenger got out of the yellow car and went to the trunk where he grabbed out his luggage. The guy waved to the taxi driver and headed off to the hotel's front doors.
Whoever is that man's girl is, she sure is lucky. Her man is returning from wherever he just came back from and she'll soon be able to hold him in her arms. Her guy is coming back home to her. At least one thing in this world is right. Too bad that girl couldn't be me.
The rain started to pound harder on the window as the wind began to swirl around outside, blowing harder and harder. Bowing my head, I closed my eyes and listened intently on the storm going on outside. Click. My ears twitched at the noise and my head snapped straight up as soon as I heard it. Whipping my head around, my gaze landed on the entrance to the bedroom. After a couple of seconds went by, I relaxed a little and turned my head back to the window. Must've just been the storm from outside.
Setting my gaze back out the window, my reflection off the glass caught my eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows together concentrating on what I was seeing. A bright flash of lightning soared across my sight which soon made me realize there wasn't one, but TWO reflections. What? That couldn't be right; probably just hallucinating from being so paranoid. Seeing that the other reflection was still there, I began squinting my eyes to make sure there was actually another reflection behind mine. Leaning towards the reflection to get a better look at it, my eyes widened in shock, and a small gasp escaped my lips.
That almost looks like—BOOM! Jumping back at the sudden pound of thunder, my back ran into something firm. Letting out a small yelp at the sudden collision, something strong coiled around my waist. Out of instinct, my hands flew up and landed on top of whatever it was that wrapped itself around me. Realizing that it was a man's pair of arms that coiled around my waist, a soft whimper was let out and before I could attempt to try and escape the strong grasp around me, the man's lips brushed against my right ear. He his head against mine and I feel that his hair was dripping wet, must've been outside in the rain I'm guessing.
"Shhhh, it's okay…it's me…shhhh," he hushed in my ear.
Shutting my eyes tight at the man's sudden actions and soft words, tears began to leak out of my eyes. I've heard that voice before…..I'd know it anywere…it belongs to him. Him? He's back? Wait, what? No, it can't be him. He's at least halfway across the globe right now, right? The small tears continued to rush out dripping off my face and onto his arm.
"It's alright, I'm back, and I'm not ever going to leave you again, do you hear me?" he continued to whisper softly in my ear.
He's got a soft and sweet voice; just like his…it's really him, isn't it? No one else in this world has a voice like his. My legs started to get weak on me, he must've noticed though 'cause the next I knew I was up and off the ground, held tightly to his chest bridal style. I forgot how safe it felt to be in his arms. I missed this so much. Is this really for real? I mean, it could easily just be a dream…but it feels too real for a dream.
I could feel him walking away from the window and soon, he gently set me down on the bed. With my head bowed down, slowly I opened my eyes, taking a peek through my bangs that hid my eyes. I was able to tell that he was kneeling in front of me, but couldn't see anything else.
Can't believe it… I was that close to leaving him, that close…what if I left before he arrived here? How could I? I'm such a horrible person! As I began to think more and more about the situation, more tears gushed out of my eyes and I closed my eyes shut once again.
My bangs suddenly were brushed out of my eyes and off to the side. Snapping my eyes open, I looked up and gazed into those soft golden eyes. His eyes were full of concern and…love. How could I possibly think about leaving him? That'd break his heart if he knew I left all because I couldn't handle him being gone…
"Hey, what's wrong?" he said while wiping away a stray tear that started to trail down my cheek.
He's so sweet! Should I really tell him? Yes, I can't lie to him! I'm probably gonna regret this. Searching his eyes to see if I would somehow be able to tell how he would react, I soon gave up while biting down on my bottom lip.
Letting out a sigh, I looked down at my lap and began quietly, "Well…" Taking a quick glance at his face, more tears began to trail down my face. "I was…planning on, well, I was…" Why is this so hard? Looking up at his face, I couldn't take it anymore. Breaking down into tears, I blurted it out, but my voice was weak, "I was planning on leaving you because I couldn't stand it anymore, and I was sick and tired of crying all the time and people asking when you're coming back, and well, I felt like you were never coming back—" but I didn't finish because Alvin placed his finger over my mouth shushing it
"But you didn't leave. Britt, you're still here aren't you? That's all that matters to me…..", he paused and looked away and down to the ground, "You know, when I left on that plane, I knew something was missing, but I couldn't figure it out because, well, I knew I brought everything that I needed and I couldn't think of anything else.…but just a couple of days ago, I finally figured out what was missing…and I hate myself for being so stupid and not seeing it…." Pausing again, he looked back up deep into my eyes, then he brought his hand up to my cheek lightly brushing his fingertips wiping away the stray tears, and softly continued, "Britt, it was you. You were missing…and I'm sorry for being so blind and stupid…I need you Brittany…you're my girl. Well, that is if you still want to be my girl…" he said almost whispering the last sentence, dropping his gaze back down to the floor.
I couldn't help but crack a small smile at this. He's just so dang cute!
"Alvin, I'll always be your girl…you mean everything to me…I need you too," I softly said reaching my hand out and resting it on his cheek.
He grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips planting a small soft kiss. I stood up and leant down kissing his forehead. He let go of my hand and I ran my fingers through his still rain wet hair tousling it around a little, and began walking off towards the walk in closet. I heard him get up and follow closely behind.
"Where are you going?" He asked confusion in his voice.
"Huh?" I questioned slightly turning my head around glancing at him. Seeing that he was right on my tail, I stopped and turned around to face him, finally registering the question he asked.
"Oh, I'm going to the closet," I said answering his question, before turning back around and heading over to the closet.
"I can see that, I meant what are you doing?" Alvin whined, annoyance in his voice.
Smirking at this, I answered, "To go put away my things and the mess I created", rolling my eyes as if he should've known.
Before I could take another step, I was swooped up and off the floor, strong firm arms carrying me.
Letting out a small yelp at the sudden action, I hit my fist against Alvin's chest giggling a little and at the same time yelled, "Hey! Alvin put me down! I said put me down!"
He looked down at me and just shook his head with an evil grin plastered on his face, "Nope. Sorry Britt, but you're my hostage."
"Whatever, I'm your hostage, just put me down."
"Okay, you asked for it," he said while tossing me onto the bed.
"Hey! I said put me down, not throw me!" I whined as I was about ready to get up, but before I could he jumped on top of me caging me between his arms, using his elbows to lift him up.
"Nice try, but, uh, Britt? You know you can't escape me," he said smirking at my expression.
"Get off, I need to go clean up my mess, and how do you know I can't escape? Huh?" I scoffed trying to push him off, which so far, hasn't even made him budge.
"Aww, come on Britt, you don't need to clean your stuff up now, you can always do it in the morning," Alvin complained rolling his eyes in annoyance.
"Ha! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't clean up now and maybe I'll make exceptions," I retorted.
"Well, one, I just came back from the tour that I've been gone on, and I want you to be with me when I fall asleep. Oh, look at that! Two good reasons, right there!" he exclaimed smirking down at me as if to say, 'beat that!'
"Fine," I grumbled.
He chuckled at this. "Love ya Britt," he said before quickly planting a soft sweet kiss on my lips and then burying his face in my neck, and wrapping his arms around me, gently resting his body on top of mine.
"What are you doing?" I questioned curiously.
"Sleeping," he muffled against my neck.
"A…your side of the bed is over there," I said, motioning my head in the direction.
"Not tonight," he said, once again voice muffled against my neck
"You mean you're gonna…" he nodded. "Fine", I said while letting out an exaggerated sigh.
"Come on, I know you like this," he gloated knowing he was right and that he'd won already.
"Shut up," I snapped back, a smile forming across my face.
"Goodnight Britt," he said drowsily.
"Goodnight Alvin," I softly said back before kissing his head and resting my arms on his back, which in response, he squeezed me a little tighter and buried his face deeper into my neck.
I let my head rest against his and closed my eyes. I finally got what I wanted. He's back in my arms again, just like old times. Seriously though, just like old times, he just came back and we've already had a fight. It's like nothing ever happened, he never left on that trip, and I never had second thoughts of...leaving. But to be honest, I'm kind of glad he went on that tour…showed me how much he really means to me and how much I can't live without him. Alvin, I sure hope you know you're the best thing that is mine…and that I promise to never stop love you with all of my heart.
Well, I guess this is my happy ending, having him come back…but having him come back isn't just the end to my fairytale story, it's also the beginning to a whole new story of my life. Right now is just the end to this story, tomorrow is the start of a whole different story.
A small smile curled at my lips and I slowly drifted off to sleep in his hold…..
Thanks so much for reading! Reviews are always appreciated!
