'Professor McGonagall!' The door to Minerva McGonagall's office found itself flung open and Sirius Black bounded in.
A vein near McGonagall's temple twitched. 'Sit,' she commanded, lips pursed.
Sirius flung himself onto the wooden chair opposite her, grinning.
'Well Mr Black-' McGonagall started.
'Please, call me Sirius,' Sirius interrupted, leaning back haphazardly on the back legs of his chair.
McGonagall raised an eyebrow, 'Black, I'm afraid if you're not going to take this meeting more seriously then – '
'But I'm always Sirius,' he smirked.
McGonagall ignored him, 'then I'm quite happy to postpone it for a few more years until you've grown up a bit. Believe it or not I actually have better things to do with my time than listen to your terrible puns.'
Sirius feigned offense, 'but I thought you liked my puns?'
'I'm getting the distinct impression that you'd rather continue this discussion tonight in detention.'
'I'm sorry to disappoint, but I've got detention with Flitwick tonight – entirely not my fault of course.'
'Funny, I was under the impression that you stuck Mr Aubrey to the ceiling with a permanent sticking charm.'
'Well, yeah,' Sirius shrugged, 'but I was supposed to get Wilkes. It's not my fault Aubrey's massive head got in the way.'
McGonagall sighed, 'Anyway, we'd better get on with this now then.' McGonagall shuffled through her papers until Sirius' grades for the year so far were in front of her. 'Did you have any particular careers in mind you'd like to talk about?'
Sirius' gaze shifted uneasily around the room.
'Well?' McGonagall prompted after a long silence.
'Yes, well…' Sirius coughed, 'I was, arr, sorta maybe… I mean I don't know, perhaps…' McGonagall's eyebrow lifted in surprise at the embarrassment which laced his voice; surely this wasn't the infamous Sirius Black actually embarrassed?
'I can assure you that whatever it is you're thinking of, it is most certainly not going to be the strangest career I've had students tell me they want to do,' the corner of McGonagall's mouth twitched, 'unless you plan on training Crumple-Horned Snorkack, of course.'
Sirius' wide grin returned, 'Not quite.' He took in a deep breath and released it slowly. Finally he mumbled, 'I want to be a healer.'
McGonagall frowned in confusion, 'and what's so bad about that?'
Sirius looked up to meet her eyes, 'well it's not very punk rock is it?' he cried with genuine distress.
A small laugh escaped McGonagall's mouth before she could stop it. 'I'm sure that whatever profession you chose, you'd find a way to make it 'punk rock' as you call it.' McGonagall coughed and returned her face to its default expression, 'Now, your grades.' Her eyes scanned the sheet in front of her, 'you're actually doing astoundingly well in almost everything considering how all your teachers report a lack of concentration as well as frequent disruptions to the class.'
'You know me, professor,' Sirius flicked his long black hair back over his shoulder, I'm just that good.'
'Hmm…' McGonagall pursed her lips and continued to read through her notes, 'you're going to have to push your potions grade up –'
Sirius groaned loudly.
'- and you'll need to be doing a little better in herbology if you want to get an advantage in the field.'
The front two legs of Sirius' chair hit the floor with a loud thud. 'Herbology. Really.' Sirius whined.
McGonagall raised an eyebrow, 'herbology is a very important asset in the field of medicine and if this is something you genuinely want to do you're going to need to start putting a bit more effort into it. I'm certain Mr Pettigrew will be able to assist you. Concerning potions, you and Mr Potter both are going to have to work a lot harder for the rest of the year so the two of you can help each other out, I'm sure.'
Sirius stared at her, flabbergast, 'you mean I'm actually going to have to work?'
'I'm afraid to say that is the general definition of 'school'.'
Sirius huffed loudly.
'I think we'll conclude the interview there for now,' said McGonagall, glancing at the cuckoo clock on the wall. 'If you ever need to discuss this further then feel free to arrange another formal meeting or just catch a word at the end of transfiguration.'
Sirius flashed her a smile and winked, 'I'll be glad too.'
McGonagall barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes. 'If you could send in Mr Lupin on your way out.'
Sirius nodded, flinging his backpack over his shoulder and strutting towards the door. 'Farewell my uttermost favourite professor,' he cried dramatically as the door shut behind him.
'Where's Moony?'
Peter looked up from where he was sitting on the floor outside McGonagall's office, sifting through his collection of chocolate frog cards, bored out of his mind, to see Sirius looking down at him quizzically. Peter shrugged, 'he said he was going to the bathroom after charms but that must have been…' he checked his watch, 'at least an hour ago. I thought he might have come down here early but he wasn't here when I arrived.'
Sirius pulled a face, 'bit weird.'
'Yeah.' Peter agreed. 'I even tried messaging him,' he indicated the seemingly blank piece of parchment on the floor next to him that Sirius knew would transpose anything that was written on it to three identical pieces of parchment that resided within his, James' and Remus' pockets.
'No response?' asked Sirius. Peter shook his head. 'Hmm. Well we'd better find him 'cause Minnie wants to see him. Who's got the map right now?'
'Filch,' Peter looked accusingly at Sirius.
Sirius blanched, 'oh yeah… we should probably get around to stealing that back again.'
Peter raised an eyebrow, 'yes you probably should.'
Sirius grinned and tousled Peter's hair, 'you know you love me really.'
'Get off, you maniac!' laughed Peter, trying to protect his hair whilst keeping his cards in order at the same time. 'Look, I've got an idea, alright,' said Peter, gathering his cards together and clambering to is feet, 'I'll take Remus' slot for an interview while you go and find him. Then he can have mine afterwards. Simple.'
Sirius frowned, 'but how will I know where to find him?'
'I don't know do I,' replied Peter, his hand on the doorknob of McGonagall's office, 'try asking James?' he shrugged nonchalantly before opening the door.
Sirius pulled the scrunched up piece of parchment out of his pocket and rummaged in his bag for a quill and some ink. Quickly he wrote:
Oi Prongs!
A few seconds passed and Sirius huffed in frustration. Finally James' scratchy writing appeared underneath his own.
Yeah?
Is Moony with you?
Nope. Haven't seen him since I left for my career's interview. Hay are you coming up soon? Evan's is looking like she's gonna hex me and I've got no one to back me up.
Ha Ha now that I wish I could see. Gotta find Remus first though
But I need you to explain to her why her potions homework being set on fire was entirely not my fault
Sorry mate you're on your own this time
Traitor
XD. Any ideas where he might be?
!
What?
Escape plan! I'll come help you look. Evans will have to let me go if I tell her it's a Moony emergency
You think that'll work?
Full proof. Meet you outside the common room
If you say so then
Stuffing the paper into his pocket, Sirius took off towards Gryffindor tower.
James Potter lent casually against the wall outside the common room, waiting. From time to time a loud hiccup would escape from his mouth, ruining his blasé exterior somewhat.
'Trying to look cool again, Potter?'
James grinned at Sirius as he approached, 'and – hic – succeeding as – hic – always.'
'You wish,' snorted Sirius. 'Nice hiccupping charm by the way. Remind me to congratulate Evans later.'
James rolled his eyes. 'Hilarious,' he deadpanned.
'So how are we gonna do this then? I'll start looking in the dungeons and you in the astronomy tower? Then meet halfway?'
'Actually I have a – hic – cunning plan.'
Sirius' grin widened, 'but is it more cunning than a cunning fox?'
'It most certainly is.'
'Very cunning indeed then. Let's hear it.'
'Alright; you – hic - ready for this?'
Sirius laughed, 'get on with it you ponce!'
'Okay, okay. Here we go,' James paused dramatically, 'we use Padfoot.'
Sirius squinted at James' proud expression, 'you do realise I'm right here mate?'
'No - Padfoot can sniff him out!' beamed James.
Sirius thought about it for a second before breaking into a smile, 'genius!'
'Yeah I know… aaarrhhh!' Suddenly James found himself being tackled by a large black dog. A wet tongue licked his face, 'Eurrh! Get off you – save it for when we find Moony,' he laughed.
Padfoot cocked his head expectantly at James who rolled his eyes and reached into his trouser pocket. Easily jumping a foot into the air, Padfoot caught the dog treat thrown his way expertly in his mouth. James pulled a face, 'I'm sure those things aren't good for you, you know.'
Padfoot barked cheerfully.
'Come on then – we'd better hurry before old Mcgoogles gets her knickers in a twist and gives Remus a detention or something.' He pulled his invisibility cloak out of his bag and threw it over Sirius before heading in the direction of the charms classroom where they'd last seen Remus.
It was weird being a dog. Awesome, but weird. When Sirius had first managed the transformation – around two years ago now – it had been one of the coolest experiences of his life. Even now it gave him a thrill like nothing else could. But still, it completely changed the way you saw the world; all smells and sounds and raw emotions. Sirius couldn't have explained it even if he tried.
What he did know was that he loved every minute of it and longed for the times he got to spend as a dog. Unfortunately, other than on the full moon, he rarely got the chance to transform. After a few close encounters with teachers that they'd only got away with due to some quickly thought up excuses and smooth talking done on Peter's part (even with James' 'help' which tended to end at 'what dog?'), they'd come to the conclusion that wondering around the school as illegal animagi was perhaps a little too risky even for the marauders. After much whining Sirius had agreed (for the most part) to keep his transformations to their dormitory. But of course this was a special mission and no amount of risk was going to put him off.
Joking aside though, Sirius was getting more and more worried about Remus. With only one more night until the full moon, his mood could be a little unstable, to put it mildly. They wouldn't usually have let him go off on his own, but with everyone going their separate ways because of the careers interviews, it was harder than usual to keep track of him.
Still, they should have made a greater effort, Sirius thought, frustrated. He would have frowned but it was a difficult expression to master as a dog so he settled for a low growl instead, making a passing second year jump. James quickly shooed them away.
'Don't worry – I'm sure we'll find him soon,' whispered James, in the direction he guessed Sirius was.
It wasn't too long before they arrived outside the charms classroom where Peter had last seen Remus. Sirius sniffed the air.
'Got anything yet?' asked James after a minute had passed.
The multitude of smells in the corridor was immense. With hundreds of students passing by this spot every day, it would be impossible to pick out any one of them. Unless they happened to be a werewolf of course.
Sirius barked loudly as he finally caught a whiff of Remus' distinctive smell, before bounding after the trail, James' invisibility cloak falling to the ground in the process.
'Padfoot, wait for me!' Sirius heard James shout from somewhere behind him, but Sirius kept running. He had to find Moony.
Remus stared out over the grounds of Hogwarts, perched a little precariously in the clock tower, the giant hands turning in front of him. His knees were pulled up tight to his chest, his chin resting on the top of them.
He should have almost missed his career's interview by now. Of course, that had been the whole point of hiding here in the first place – what was the point of a career's interview if he was never going to be able to have a career? His 'condition' would see to that. It wouldn't take long for any potential work colleagues to figure out why he disappeared every month and returned covered in scars.
Remus glanced at his stomach as it growled unhappily. He really wished he'd thought to stop at the kitchen before coming up here. Or at least bought a book that wasn't a charms textbook – wallowing in self-pity got really boring after a while.
A bark from behind Remus made him jump and he had to quickly grab hold of the beam he was sitting on to stop himself from falling.
'Bloody hell Sirius!' Remus griped, angrily.
'What are you doing up here?' asked Sirius, now human.
'Trying to get some peace and quiet away from you guys,' he grumbled.
Sirius clambered up to sit next to Remus, 'aww is Moony-poo in a grump?' Sirius pretended to pout.
'Yes, now please leave me alone,' Remus said, but there was no force behind his words.
'What's wrong babe?' said Sirius, gently putting his arm around Remus who shuffled slightly closer. 'Why didn't you go to your career's interview?'
Remus shrugged, 'What would be the point? I turn into a fucking werewolf once a month, don't I? No one in their right mind would ever hire me.'
Sirius frowned, 'but for the rest of the month you're the smartest person I know. Even smarter than me and that's saying something.'
Remus smiled a little but his face soon returned to its glum expression. 'That makes no difference though. People hear werewolf and panic – and rightly so.' He sighed and leant his head on Sirius' shoulder, 'I'm just worried about what's gonna happen to me after Hogwarts. If I can't get a job… I can't be on the streets… I could hurt someone.'
Sirius removed his arm from around Remus' waist to stare at him incredulously. 'Remus… you do know we exist right? Me, James and Pete? Your friends?'
'What are you going on about?' Remus frowned.
Sirius rolled his eyes, 'what do you think we're going to do, forget about you? Just let you starve? For merlin's sake I expect we'll all get a place together, and even if the others don't want too, we will right?'
'Oh.' Sirius watched Remus' face go from utterly wretched to stunned. 'You'd really want too?'
'Why wouldn't I want too?' Sirius scoffed, 'somewhere all of our own? Think of all the places we could shag!'
Remus punched him but laughed all the same, 'animal.'
Sirius looked down warily at the thin beam they were sitting on, 'I'd transform and prove that point but I think I might fall off.'
Remus snorted and shook his head.
'You ready to go back then?' Sirius asked after a moment, 'I think I left James behind somewhere when we were looking for you.'
'Yeah alright. He's probably wandering around the castle worrying his head off by now, knowing him.'
'Hmm.' Sirius took Remus' hand once they'd climbed back down to ground level and squeezed it gently, 'are you going to talk to Minnie?'
Remus looked away, 'yes I think so. In a few days though, after… you know. I just can't right now.'
'Okay then.' Sirius smiled and dragged Remus out of the clock tower, 'Now then: let's go scare the pants off Prongs.'
They found James only one floor down, peering into a series of empty classrooms along the corridor. Remus and Sirius watched him from a secret passageway concealed behind a tapestry.
'So what do you think we should do to him?' asked Sirius, swatting at a fruit fly which was trying to land on his hair. 'Bat-bogey hex? That one that makes you float? Turn his skin orange?'
Remus was eyeing the fruit fly with a smile, 'No, I think I've got an idea.' He pulled out his wand and aimed it at the fruit fly. 'Reformabit apis,' he whispered and instead of a fruit fly a fat bumblebee buzzed in the small space. 'Can you levitate it so it doesn't fly off?' Remus asked Sirius, who had shrank back slightly against the wall. Remus raised his eyebrows, 'it's not a wasp; it isn't going to hurt you.'
'Have you seen the size of its sting?' Sirius hissed as he performed the charm and relaxed a little when the bee floated harmlessly in mid-air.
'It's about to get a whole lot bigger,' said Remus, as he waved his wand again, 'Engorgio.'
Sirius almost dropped his wand when the tiny bee suddenly swelled to the size of a quaffle. 'I am really not a fan of this prank,' he whispered.
Remus pushed open the tapestry and signalled for Sirius to make the giant bee float through the gap. Peering out of their hiding spot, they could see James had his back to them. Sirius waved his wand and they watched the bee hover down the corridor towards him. Slowly, Sirius positioned the bee so that it was just above James' head.
Sirius let out a snort and Remus quickly covered his mouth with his hand to stop James from discovering them.
Suddenly, Sirius let the giant bee drop and it landed with a slight thump on the top of James' head.
James looked up confused, swiping at his head, before letting out a loud, 'holy fucking shit - !' and falling over backwards, landing painfully on his ass, as the giant bee buzzed in front of him.
Sirius couldn't hold it in any longer and burst into a fit of laughter. James scrambled to his feet and pulled back the tapestry to point accusingly at Sirius and Remus. 'You bastards! You set a fucking ginormous bee on me!'
'His idea,' said Sirius, still laughing as he pointed at Remus.
James smirked, 'I'm gonna get you back so hard for this Remus, just you wait.'
Remus' smile took on a mischievous glint, 'I look forward to seeing you try Prongs.'
Emerging from the secret passageway, the three of them squinted at the bee, who was currently hurtling itself at a window in a futile effort to get out. 'What are we going to do with that then?' asked James, scratching his head.
'Aww can't we keep him? He's really growing on me – look I've thought of a name and everything,' said Sirius, 'I was thinking Obee wan Kanobee.'
'Honeyestly, I can't bee-lieve you'd come up with something that bad,' smirked Remus.
James looked pitifully at Sirius, 'I bet that really stung.'
'Err guys… though I'd love to hive-five you both for those terrible puns – I think we should probably be heading away from here – like now!' Sirius pointed at the giant bee, who seemed to have somehow swelled even bigger, and was crashing its way down the corridor towards them.
'Go, go go!' shouted James as the three of them pelted off in the other direction.
Remus quickly ended up in front of the other two, with James not far behind.
'Bloody long legs,' Sirius huffed out, 'bloody quiditch maniac.'
'Why, would you like one of us to give you a piggy-back?' laughed James, barely out of breath.
Sirius scowled at him, 'will someone – huff – just get rid of – huff – the bloody bee already!'
Remus craned his neck to look back at the angry bee chasing them. 'Reducio,' he yelled, shooting a number of bursts of red light over his shoulder, hoping at least one would hit its target.
When the corridor took a sharp turn, Remus skidded to a stop and spun around to try and get a clearer shot at their pursuer. But as soon as he stopped the bee flew straight at his head, stinger pointed forward. Remus ducked out of the way just in time and the giant bee continued its way along the corridor until it was out of sight.
Remus dropped his head into his hands, 'why do I just know I'm going to get a detention for this?'
'I'm afraid we might have a bigger problem right now,' wheezed Sirius, clutching at his side.
Remus looked up and frowned, 'where did James go?'
Sirius nodded, 'yeah that'd be the problem.' He pointed back down the way they'd just come.
About 10 metres away Remus could just about spot something, about four inches high, running towards them.
As it got closer, Remus realised what it was. 'You have got to be kidding me.'
A miniaturised James sauntered up to them. 'You really must work on your aim, Remus,' he said, incredulous.
'Oops?' Remus ventured.
''Oops' - that's all you've got to sa- hay put me down!' James yelped as Sirius picked him up by the collar to look at him more closely.
'Huh, I could have sworn that spell shouldn't work on humans,' said Sirius, placing James carefully on his shoulder.
'Well clearly it does genius,' muttered James, grumpily.
Sirius turned his head to look at him, 'you're not sulking are you?'
'I'm four inches tall! I think I now if ever get to indulge my rights to a good sulk.'
'Okay, okay,' Remus sighed, 'I think we'd better go to Madame Pomfrey. You'll have to miss potions,'
James' head shot up at this, 'what! No! I can't miss potions; it's the only class where I sit next to Evans!'
Remus raised an eyebrow at him, 'you want to do potions whilst you're four inches tall? Are you sure your brain cells haven't shrunk as well?'
'Why not - it'd be fun,' James shrugged. 'I'll go and see Madame Pomfrey afterwards.'
'Don't you think Slughorn would notice if you turn up miniaturised?'
Sirius shook his head, almost dislodging James who quickly grasped hold of some loose hair, 'that idiot wouldn't notice if his classroom blew up.'
'Yeah and it's not like he'd care anyway. Probably just ask us what project we were working on now,' James snorted. 'Don't you just love the gullible ones?'
'Fine, whatever,' Remus relented, 'but if you die, it's your fault.'
'Where on earth have you guys been?' asked Peter when he finally tracked his fellow marauders down outside the potions classroom, 'I've been looking for you all break…' Peter trailed off as he noticed James on Sirius' shoulder, 'what happened?'
'To cut a long story short: Remus shrunk me when he was trying to stop a giant bee which is now loose somewhere in the castle.'
Peter nodded slowly, 'Ookayy. I guess I'll bee-lieve it when I see it.'
Sirius high fived him whilst James groaned.
'Okay everyone hurry up now,' said professor Slughorn, ushering the fifth year Gryffindor and Slytherin's into the classroom, 'We've got to make a start if the Weedosoros potion is going to be ready by the end of class.'
The low mumbling of voices quietened as everyone took their seats. 'Instructions are on page 34,' said Slughorn, 'and remember, what's the most important rule when brewing a poison?'
'Don't taste it,' the class droned as one.
James watched from their worktop as Remus, whom he was supposed to be partnered with, got on with making their potion.
'You could help you know,' Remus grumbled at James as he dropped the knife he was cutting up slugs tails with for the third time while attempting to keep stirring the mixture in their cauldron with his other hand.
James raised his eyebrows, 'I'm four inches tall. That knife probably weighs as much as I do.'
Remus huffed, 'At least keep an eye on the cauldron then.'
'Hey Remus,' a red headed girl said, approaching from the desk to their left, 'have you guys got any spare Snakeroot; our's boiled ov-' Lily stopped as she noticed James.
'How's it going?' he waved.
Lily burst into laughter. 'Oh this is too good,' she choked out. 'What happened?' she managed to say once the laughter had resided.
James jerked his thumb at Remus, 'some people don't know the concept of aiming when firing spells.'
Lily snorted. 'You know what I think this is Potter?'
James sighed, 'I expect you're going to tell me.'
'Karma for burning my homework,' Lily grinned. 'Karma, James, karma,' she repeated with a mischievous smile on her way back to her own desk, Snakeroot in hand.
James stared after her, bemused, 'Well thanks for the sympathy then Evans.'
'Any time,' she yelled back.
James shook his head as he turned to face their cauldron.
'Oh shit.'
James stared at the flames coming out of the top.
'Err, Remus!'
'Bit busy James; I am trying to make this whole bloody potion on my own you know,' said Remus' voice from the floor where he was rummaging through his bag for a missing ingredient.
'So don't kill me,' James took a breath in, 'but the potion may be ever so slightly on fire.'
Remus jumped to his feet and lunged for their cauldron, 'Fuck! Shitity shit fuck no!'
Grabbing for his wand laying on the counter, Remus' elbow caught on a jar of pickled toad eyes which went cascading over their desk.
'Aquamenti,' he quickly cast until the flames went out with a loud squelching sound.
Remus gazed mournfully at the charred remains of their potion, 'Yeah I think that's pretty ruined.'
'No shit,' agreed Peter who'd appeared next to him at all the commotion, his and Sirius' potion already finished and safely stored.
A loud bark of laughter from Sirius drew their attention away from the cauldron to where he was pointing.
James was stood stock still, covered from head to toe in pickling solution.
'Urgh now that is gross,' said Peter, perturbed.
'I got some in my mouth,' whispered a horrified James.
Remus shook his head, 'today has just been a total disaster.'
'Will you please stop talking and get it off of me,' whined James.
'Tergeo,' cast Remus and the liquid vanished.
James shivered, 'Urg. That was not a fun experience.'
'To be fair it was your own fault. You were supposed to be watching the cauldron,' accused Remus.
'Yeah yeah,' James sighed. 'Attacked by a bee, shrunk, covered in goo, and missing a potion to hand in. At least today can't get any worse.'
A loud creak was heard as the door to their potions classroom was pushed open and Professor McGonagall strode in.
'I would like to speak to Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew outside if that's alright Professor Slughorn.'
'Of course, of course, Minerva,' Slughorn said, around the lemon drop he was chewing. 'Off you go boys, hurry along.'
They grabbed their things before following Professor McGonagall out of the classroom, James once more sitting on Sirius' shoulder.
Once the door was shut behind them, McGonagall turned and eyed them irately.
'I had wanted to know what the four of you were aware of concerning a giant bee currently loose in the castle, but since Potter's current state is proof enough that you've been messing with size altering spells I don't think it's necessary. What do you have to say for yourselves?'
'Honestly professor it was a complete accident that I ended up like this. We were just trying to fix the bee,' implored James.
'It could have come from anywhere,' added Sirius. 'There's no proof that we had anything to do with it.'
McGonagall pursed her lips at them.
'I wasn't even there,' shrugged Peter.
McGonagall sighed, 'I won't give you detention this time as long as the four of you fix the problem. And quickly.' She shook her head sternly, 'Why can't you learn to bee-hive yourselves?'
Stunned, the four boys stared after Professor McGonagall's retreating figure.
'Did she just…?' asked Sirius.
'I think she did,' smirked James.
