A lot on my mind
Disclaimer: CBS owns CSI: NY and all it's characters.
This story is D/L! If you want me to do more of the story, then it will have a happy ending. Starts after 'And here's to you, Mrs. Azrael'.
How have I been feeling lately? That is a good question, and the answer is miserable. I worked a case with Danny the other day at a hospital. We processed the doctor's lounge together. We talked only about the case. There was no teasing, no laughing. There definitely were no flirtatious looks, like the ones he used to give me.
I know I asked for space, and said we just needed to do our jobs, but I miss him. I want the old Danny back. I want the old us back. I wish things were easier. I wish I could tell him what was going on, but I can't. I wonder if I did tell him the truth how he would feel. Would he hate me? Would he still trust me? Does he trust me now? I trust him; he has always been there when I needed him. He has also never given me a reason not to trust him. Everything he has told has been the truth. I haven't given him a reason to trust me. Well, maybe when I gave him the DNA results before Mac. I don't know if that made him trust me or not.
Over the summer I have found myself wanting more with Danny. Oh, sure I have thought about it before, but never thought about actually doing something. I was really excited when he asked me out, that's when everything got messed up. That's when my past decided to resurface. I really wanted to go to dinner with Danny that night, but that phone call changed everything. I was all mixed-up, I couldn't think straight. I didn't even realize how much time had pasted until Mac called. The look on Danny's face when he told Mac he was late because he was meeting someone for dinner broke my heart. I felt like I was going to throw-up when he said that thing about being stood-up. He sounded so hurt, even though I could tell he was trying to make light of the situation. When he asked me if we were okay, I wanted to cry, and tell him everything. I realized later on after I had time to think about it, that I couldn't move on until I put my past behind me.
So now here I am lonely, hurting, and missing my best friend. I wish I could put my feelings on hold just like our 'relationship', but I can't. I'm still falling hard for this man and it's getting harder, and harder to be away from him. I know I can't have Danny until I have the other man out of my life. I wish I knew how long that will take.
