summary: these hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me.
notes: something i've been slowly working on in between the stress of school to get through some headcanons. ss is always has somewhat more of a sad tone for me, despite that they love and are happy with each other. their relationship is just a little more difficult to manage. i know its not my tattoo au but i hope you guys like this anyway!
pairing: sasusaku.
i. She turns over in bed, reaching out to touch him. She just wants to feel his shirt under her palm, feel her skin against his, feel him kiss her knuckles like he always did after she got done training.
All she finds is empty sheets.
ii. One night, Sarada crawls into her bed in the middle of the night. She wakes up groggily to her daughter shaking her shoulder, tears in her eyes. Instantly, Sakura is awake, sitting up to pull Sarada into her lap.
"What's wrong, baby?" she coos, pressing a kiss to her pale temple.
"I had a nightmare," Sarada mumbles, embarrassed.
"Yeah, what was it about?"
"Papa didn't come back and we didn't know why and we thought he hated us but it turned out someone killed him. Mama, I didn't like it."
"Oh, love," Sakura whispers, her voice cracking. She's lucky Sarada can't see the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "He wouldn't do that. That wouldn't happen to Papa."
"But, he leaves all the time, something could happen and we wouldn't know—"
"Papa and Uncle Naruto and I all beat that huge goddess Kaguya, remember? Nobody could kill Papa."
"But what if he was being stupid? And not paying attention?"
"Papa's always paying attention."
"That's because of his funny eye, right?"
"That's right, love."
"Papa's always gonna come back, right?"
"Of course, he is. Papa would never leave us forever. Sometimes he comes back in the middle of missions just because he's been away too long, remember?"
"The next time Papa comes home, can he stay longer?"
"We'll make a special request, okay?"
"Okay, Mama."
Sarada falls asleep nestled in her mother's arms. Sakura doesn't sleep the rest of the night. Instead she thinks about all the things she's done wrong and all the things she should've done right.
iii. One of the things she should've done right was let him go.
His need to travel, to wander, to be solitary is integral for Sasuke. She knows that - the only person who knows him better than she does is Naruto, but he likes to pretend he doesn't understand.
When Sarada was born, he stayed. He stayed longer than he should've, probably - two years. Two, solid years without a single mission that even hinted at him going out of the village. He stayed at home for a while, with her. Their incomes were more than enough to sustain a leave for them for a few months. But that's all she expected him to stay.
She had expected him to go, any day. She was waiting for him to kiss her on the cheek and say that he would be gone for a few months.
But he didn't.
He took up some Academy work after a while, working with kids part-time. Teaching them some easy combat basics, focusing on throwing techniques, some taijutsu. The things he was good at, even as a kid. He worked as a "sub" for some other Genin sensei's some days, when they had to go out on more important missions but still wanted their kids to have some sort of a supervisor.
The kids loved him. They were starstruck at first, but quickly realized how good he actually was at explaining the concepts to them. Sakura was happy to see how well he took to the kids too — he would come home and hold Sarada in his arms and talk about the kids. How they had done that day, how they had improved since the last time he saw them… It made her feel secure that he was going to be an amazing father to their little girl.
The problem was that she got used to it. She got used to him being there, with her, with them. She feels like maybe it would have been easier if he had left with Sarada as baby — she would have gotten used to her father being gone, and Sakura would have gotten used to taking care of her alone.
But now, every day with him gone feels like a week, stretched to the limit. It hurts to have him gone, hurts to know that her daughter is hurting because her Papa isn't there to hold her.
iv. "When does Sasuke come back?" Ino asks as they sip tea in her living room. Sai was watching Sarada and Inojin in the backyard, probably helping them with training. Sarada hated being forced to play with Inojin when their mom's wanted to hang out, so usually all she did when she was over was train.
"Don't know," Sakura answers. "He can't be gone for much longer. He's been gone for two months already."
"How's Sarada taking it?"
"About as well as a six-year old should be expected to take it."
"At least he was here to see her start Academy."
"Yeah. I guess."
v. She is woken in the middle of the night by a hand on her waist. It is not Sarada's tiny hand, and instantly, she uses her weight as leverage to flip herself over and press a forearm to the intruders neck.
Instead she stares into the same eyes (well, eye, technically), she's known for over twenty years.
Instantly, she melts into her husband's chest, warm and worn. She pulls him to her and kisses him for all the three months she has been without him. Sasuke's hand trails at her back and slips under her shirt, lips nipping just as incessantly at her own.
"I missed you," she breathes.
"I missed you, too."
vi. Sakura blearily rolls over to kiss her husband's neck. She has long gotten over the fact that he cannot wrap a warm arm around her naked waist. That all she can get is a weak intertwining of fingers.
"You should go wake up your daughter," she murmurs once he's groaned enough at her to signify that he was awake. "She's been missing you a lot."
He's silent for a moment. "...I'm sorry."
Her grip on Sasuke's hand tightens. "She doesn't understand yet, that's all."
He kisses her, apologetic and loving. It's all she needs to remind herself that he loves her and their daughter with all the love in his heart. That's all that matters, really.
vii. When Sarada was born, he had stars in his eyes.
Sakura had never seen him smile like he did when she first told him she was pregnant. She was nervous, scared - he was a wanderer, a traveller. Could he afford to be tied down?
Instead, Sasuke had sunk down to his knees and pressed kisses at her stomach. He pulled her to him and kissed her and he smiled just like he was seven, and his big brother had come to pick him up from the Academy.
"I love you," he had murmured to her.
He was there for every appointment to get an update, even though Sakura knew if something was going wrong. She had scanned herself weekly, checking how much chakra was going to the baby, if she was stable.
"You guys are having a girl," Shizune grinned.
Sakura turned to him and watched as his whole world shifted. Saw every emotion run through his face in a single moment. His smile turned just enough for her to see a smile, and he presses a long kiss to her forehead. She knows that is the highest level of affection for him, the most sincere form of his love.
"What should we name her?" he murmured.
viii. "PAPA!"
The happy, girlish shriek resounds throughout their house, and Sakura smiles as she begins the clatter of an Uchiha family breakfast. She goes all out, making sure to combine enough savory (which Sasuke preferred) and sweet (which Sarada preferred) to have something for everyone to eat.
Sasuke pads out into the kitchen with Sarada balanced on his arm. She smiles and laughs and curls into his chest, little hands grasping at his shirt.
"Mama! Mama! Look who I found!"
Sakura turns around and gasps dramatically, setting the pancake batter spoon down. Sarada laughs as her mother leans in to kiss her cheek. "Did you find Papa? Did you bring him back home to us?"
Sakura imagines Sasuke's free hand wrapping at her waist, but it's not there. So instead she slides a hand up his back and they share a family moment, smiling and laughing and happy.
ix. "Well, he has to be back for graduation, doesn't he?"
"He knows when it is. All I can do is just trust him."
"What! Sakura, honey, I just don't know. He can't even send you a message and tell you whether or not he's fucking coming."
"He knows how much it means to me, to Sarada... It means a lot to himself, too. It's gonna be close, but I know he'll make it."
"Do you, though?"
"Ino, why are you constantly doubting the validity of not only my marriage, but my family?"
"A family should be together, that's all. He's just...he's always been flighty, Sak. He's not there."
"He does what he needs to do! I respect that. I know that he needs to wander. You remember how miserable he was when he stayed for two years."
"When he shouldn't be! He should be happy with you and your beautiful daughter and thank any god above he isn't dead!"
"He's there for the important things. Birthdays, anniversaries. And he'll be there for this. I know he will."
"Whatever you say, love. I just don't want you to get hurt."
"I've been hurt enough in this life. I can stand a little more."
Sarada is twelve and old enough to understand the conversations she hears behind closed doors.
x. "Why is she fidgeting like that?"
Naruto asks his wife, looking at his goddaughter.
"She can't find her parents," Hinata replies sadly. "Did Sasuke even get back in today?"
"Yeah, I don't know what the hell's taking him so long. Can you see if they're coming? If they are, I'll wait to start."
Her Byakugan is activated for a moment, and a smile unfurls.
"Give them five minutes."
xi. Sarada twists and pushes onto her tiptoes in her spot on the stage for the Academy graduates. Her dark eyebrows and furrowed and her mouth is set into a concentrated frown, scanning through squinted eyes for her parents. She hates the fact that she's the heir to an entire family based on doujutsu, and she can't see three feet in front of her without glasses.
She doesn't see them. It's usually pretty easy to spot her mother's pink hair in the crowd, but she's definitely not there.
Did her mama just decide not to come? Her papa...she could forgive him. He had things to do, and it was never guaranteed that he would be back. Any minute now, they're gonna start, and her mama and papa aren't gonna be here. Angry tears prick at her eyes and she swears that she will not cry here right before she's about to graduate.
"You okay?"
"Shut up, Boruto, I'm fine. Don't talk about it."
When she looks back, she instantly zeros in on the spot of pink in the back of the crowd. Her papa stands next to her mother, and they send her a smile and a wave. Her mama blows her a kiss.
Uncle Naruto starts talking then.
They waited for her.
xii. "PAPA!"
She still calls his name loud and excited, like a little girl. She doesn't care if it breaks her normally nonchalant character, because he's her Papa.
He still lifts her up with one arm, holding her tight. He can't carry her like he used to, but their hug is full of love and pride and that's all she needs. Her mother kisses her cheeks over again over again, like playful butterflies and Sarada squirms and laughs in their grip.
"You came!"
Her grin shines just as bright as the shiny, new headband that glints at her forehead.
Sasuke smiles softly at her and presses a kiss to the crown of her head.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
