6 different dinners prepped and frozen? Check.
Kitchen and bathroom scrubbed with non-toxic cleaner? Check.
Carpets vacuumed and new air filter installed? Check.
Lumbar support cushion added to rocking chair? ...
Jimmy Palmer frowned down at his list. "Where is the lumbar support cushion?! I know I left it somewhere..."
He glanced at his watch, only an hour left.
He had initially balked when Breena told him to go home last night; he wanted to stay with her overnight in the hospital but as he looked over his list it seemed the 6 hours at home hadn't been enough. He had stayed up all night making sure everything in the house was clean and ready for Victoria's arrival but he still needed to double check and tighten the screws on the crib, unpack and organize the bottle nipples, install the bottle washer, find a place for all the baby shower gifts they had received...and he still didn't know where the lumbar support cushion was for the rocking chair!
He squeezed his eyes shut and released a long exhale, pushing his hands through his unkempt hair. He winced and swallowed a frustrated curse when his finger splint caught on one of his curls and he awkwardly shook his hand to disentangle himself.
He could practically hear Breena's Dad in his head, "Calm down boy - what's so hard about making everything perfect? Certainly you agree they deserve nothing less?"
"Of course they deserve perfect." Jimmy muttered pulling pieces of his hair from the tape around his broken fingers. "Okay, okay, where did I last see it?" He began to pace, "We had it when Breena came to the office because I knew her back was hurting that day and then her sister took her home and I packed up the presents in my car...MY CAR!" A wide grin split his face, "I left it in my car!"
He jogged out the door and was half way to the driveway before he realized he left the keys inside and he turned on his heel to go back and get them, tripping over the stack of baby clothes from Breena's sister that were still sitting in the corner of the living room with other presents.
Shaking it off he grabbed the keys and made it back out to the car. Yanking the door open he found the wayward pillow half tucked under the drivers seat. "Ahhhh..." He exhaled with relief, leaning against the back seat and yanking the pillow out only to have it catch and tear on the seat bracket.
"Come On!" He dropped the pillow and hung his head. He couldn't even get this right; a simple pillow so his wife would be comfortable when she fed their new daughter. How the hell was he supposed to be a good Dad for the rest of his life if he couldn't manage this one little thing? If he couldn't get the house ready?
The next voice his mind conjured up for him wasn't Ed's...
"You wouldn't feel the way you feel right now if you weren't ready."
He inhaled slowly, the memory of Gibbs in the NCIS garage hitting like a salve to his frayed nerves.
Jimmy suspected the other man would never know how much of an impact he had that day, but that conversation had been replayed in his head over and over. It was the echo of those words that had given Jimmy the courage to say yes when Breena had suggested they try making their own in addition to trying to adopt again. Remembering those words had helped keep his anxiety from getting the best of him over the last 9 months and he knew he'd continue to hold on to that memory like a talisman moving forward.
Jimmy wasn't stupid, he knew he wasn't really on Gibbs' team, that more often than not he wasn't even on Gibbs' radar except as an occasional annoyance. Still, he respected the man almost as much as Doctor Mallard and on that dark day he had believed him when Gibbs had inexplicably seemed to convey his faith in Jimmy's future as a parent.
As he leaned against his car, broken pillow in hand, exhausted from 2 sleepless nights, he could almost imagine what the Special Agent would say if he had observed Jimmy's little meltdown. Probably something along the lines of, "What the hell are you doing, Palmer?"
Jimmy chuckled, he really needed a nap, his internal musings were getting much too real.
"Palmer? Did you hear me?"
Jimmy blinked and looked up and felt his eyes bug as he realized that it wasn't his imagination, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was standing in his driveway, head cocked to the side, brow pinched. "Uh, uh, uh..." Jimmy stammered, clamoring out of the car, split pillow in hand.
When Gibbs' eyes traveled down to the exploding pillow fluff Jimmy instinctively made to shove it back in the car but halted, his daughter would soon be in the car, she could choke on the artificial fluff. He couldn't leave it in there!
For a moment he froze unsure what to do with the pillow, why didn't he have a trash can in the middle of his driveway?!
With a jerking motion he shoved the pillow and fluff into his pants pockets and tried to smile at his unexpected visitor as if everything were totally normal; he wasn't just having a breakdown over a torn pillow, shoving fluff in his pockets made total sense, and it was completely typical for the gruff, anti-social MCRT lead agent to be visiting him at home at 7:30 in the morning.
"Agent Gibbs, uh, good morning..."
A single eyebrow rose, "Everything okay?"
"Hrm?" Jimmy put on a tight smile, "Oh yeah, yeah, fine, everything's fine." He gestured to the car and back to the open door to the house, "Just, you know, getting the last minute stuff squared away before I go to bring my girls home."
His heart did a little flip as he said the words 'Bring my girls home.' He was certain he was imagining it but he could have sworn Gibbs' face lightened at the same words. He had the same lightened, not quite smile, expression when Dr. Mallard had passed Victoria to him the other day.
Jimmy had been pleased and surprised when Gibbs had shown up at Breena's room. He assumed the visit was simply one of convenience since Gibbs had already been in the hospital closing up a case and the rest of his team was already visiting; but he came and for a moment everything seemed complete. There had been a moment though, after Dr. Mallard sushed away Gibb's initial reluctance to hold the newborn and Victoria had been settled into his arms.
Jimmy watched as Gibbs held Victoria in a way that immediately appeared more practiced and at ease than his coworker's before him and Jimmy remembered that Gibbs had been a father. In a moment of realization, Jimmy was struck by the magnitude of the other man's loss in a way he had never comprehended before and his heart had seized with a sudden and fierce need to protect his family. He had even been tempted to move to reclaim Victoria but had been compelled to wait by the unusual serenity on Gibbs' face, especially in light of the stress the past few weeks had brought.
In fact, since the death of Diane Sterling, Gibbs had become so distant that Jimmy was surprised to see him at all, not to mention in front of his house.
"Uh...Is there a problem or something? Because you know normally I wouldn't hesitate to come in and do, whatever, anything, you know, what needs to be done...but this morning, just, I..."
Gibbs held up a hand, "Relax Palmer, I didn't even expect you to be home; just dropping something off."
Jimmy turned to look where Gibbs pointed. In the bed of his truck was strapped a wooden vanity. He frowned. He and Breena had been discussing what they wanted for Victoria's room but he would have thought she'd have told him if she ordered something. And why would she have Gibbs deliver it?
Gibbs squinted and put his hands in his pockets, shrugging, "Abbey said you and Breena wanted a good set of drawers, something that Victoria could continue to use as she grew up."
Biting on the inside of his lip Jimmy approached the truck, looking over the bureau. Gibbs bought it for them? That didn't sit right either. His eyes moved over the curved woodwork, picking up on a few light visible brush strokes; this wasn't some mass produced piece of furniture, it was hand built. He felt his jaw slack and he blinked, "You built this?"
Gibbs shrugged, "Already had the plans and most of the wood." He looked over his work, "Just a matter of putting it together."
Jimmy knew that was an understatement but wasn't about to call him out on it. "I..." He turned to Gibbs, "I don't know what to say."
"I left the back open but I can put something there if you wanted to mount a mirror. Wouldn't take long." Gibbs wasn't looking at him, gesturing to the shelving of the unit with a critical eye.
"No, no, it's perfect." Jimmy shook his head.
Gibbs winced and scratched behind an ear, still not quite making eye contact, "It'll work?"
"Absolutely..." Jimmy couldn't make his mouth decide between hanging open in shock, grinning or frowning in confusion at the other man's unexpected behavior. He finally settled into a small, genuine smile, "It's the only thing we're missing."
"Alright." Gibbs nodded, dropping the tailgate and pulling out a small wheeled cart before climbing up and releasing the tie down straps.
Jimmy helped lift the dresser out of the truck and on to the cart. He admired the craftsmanship as together they guided it up the drive and into the house, tipping it through the door and around the stairs, finally into what was now Victoria's room.
Taking a breath, Jimmy adjusted his glasses, "If heft is any indication that is certainly one sturdy piece of furniture; she'll be able to use this for a long, long time."
Gibbs gave a single nod and straightened, apparently pleased by the simple appraisal.
Rubbing his palms against his pants, Jimmy smirked, "How'd you get it out of your house by yourself?"
Gibbs ignored the question, instead sliding a drawer in and out, "These are cut wide so they shouldn't stick in the summer humidity." He indicated the grooved tracks in the sides of the drawer, "But if they do, a little sand paper should open it up."
"Oh, okay..." Jimmy nodded. He didn't have sandpaper, should he have sandpaper? Is sandpaper something that fathers had? He had to buy a screwdriver when they assembled the crib and now that was the only non-medical tool he owned. He looked at the beautiful chest of drawers his daughter would likely use for the next 18 years; he never would have been able to make something like this for her. Fathers were supposed to be able to build things; maybe he should learn. He could get sandpaper and a hammer...
He frowned. It took more than sandpaper and a hammer for Gibbs to build this. He reached out, feeling the smooth curve of the wood and shook his head, "How long did it take you to make this?"
"It was just something to work on." He shrugged against the doorway, hands fisted in his pockets as his eyes scanned the nursery.
Jimmy elected to ignore the fact that Gibbs hadn't answered the question, instead gestured to the pile of baby clothes and picture books, "Well, obviously this is something we needed."
"Abbey is usually on the mark with her suggestions." Gibbs replied evenly, "It was her idea."
"But you built this. For m..us..." Jimmy stared at him, needing for the other man to understand how flabbergasted he was by the gesture.
In contrast, Gibbs just shrugged, "Just nice to know someone will get use out of it."
"Absolutely. We absolutely will use it. A lot." Jimmy nodded, suddenly feeling giddy as images flashed in his imagination of a young blond girl putting away her clothes or pulling out her favorite book from the shelves.
Watching him, Gibbs smirked and looked down before stepping back into the hall, "I'll be heading out; I think you have somewhere to be?"
"Huh?" It took a moment for Jimmy to blink back into the present and he checked his watch, "Oh...Oh! Yeah, I need to get back." He started for the door but stopped at the stack of baby clothes, "But I should put these away first, and I still need to install the monitor and the white noise machine and baby proof the outlets in the attic..."
His words cut off as Gibbs grabbed him by the bicep and maneuvered him out of the room and down the hall, "It can wait."
Jimmy stopped and looked at the older man. Releasing a breath he heard the words on a delay. It can wait. The clothes and the monitor and the bottle rack and every other minor detail could wait. He could and would get to everything in due time but right now he just needed to be with his wife and daughter.
As if he could read his mind, Gibbs looked Jimmy in the eye with a small, serious smile, "You're going to be a good Dad." He took his heavy hand off of Jimmy's shoulder and stepped around him before Jimmy could process the compliment and go in for a hug.
Jimmy swallowed and turned, frustrated by his inability to find the right words before Gibbs left. Giving up as Gibbs had one foot out the door, he called down the hall, "I really wish I knew how to thank you."
Gibbs didn't turn around, just tilted his head enough to be able to look back, "Just take care of your girls Jim. Don't ever take it for granted."
A/N - Through the first half of season 12 we see Gibbs working on something other than his boat; a white chest of drawers with a vanity top. It's last appearance is a few scenes before Victoria Palmer is born. My imagination picked up that as I watched that episode the same week I saw the season 14 episode with Jimmy talking down the kid on the ledge and thinking about Gibbs & Jimmy's very odd dynamic gave me the warm and fuzzies that I wanted to share and this is what I came up with!
