Chapter one – Goodbye Dad
The night was very cool. It had rained most of the evening and relented just before we went to bed. The fires were put out and windows cracked open, letting in some spring breezes. I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned awhile, then felt movement at the end of the room. I glanced up and saw Edmund slip out of his bed, tiptoe across the room, and try to open the window the rest of the way without much sound.
"Ed!" I whispered sternly. He jumped back, surprised.
"Why aren't you asleep?" he snapped.
"I'd ask the same of you," I said, getting out of bed. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," Edmund said. "I just wanted more air."
"You were sneaking out, weren't you?" I strode across the room and shut the window with a bang and locked it.
"No," Edmund lied.
"Then why are you dressed." I didn't even have to ask the question.
Edmund backed away towards the door. "Alright, so I was. But I'm still going."
"Those friends from school," I concluded. "They put you up to this. You're always following the crowd. You've turned into a big bully."
"Dad doesn't think so," argued Edmund.
"You don't tell Dad what you've been up to!" I said angrily. "But someone should!"
Edmund's face turned pale and he planted himself in front of the door. "Please, Peter, don't!"
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Please." Edmund almost looked close to tears. "Dad…well, he just…"
"You don't want to ruin the image he already has of you," I said sternly.
We both heard the knock on the door. Our arguing was forgotten. The last thing we wanted to hear was a knock of the door in the middle of the night.
No…Dad please…no! I thought, my mind scrambling as I shoved Ed out of the way and pulled open the door. The knocking was coming from the front door, down the steps. I saw Dad reach the bottom step and pull open the door. Mum passed me in the hall, catching my eyes briefly, looking worried. She went down the stairs and placed a hand on Dad's shoulder as he spoke in low tones with the man at the door.
"I can't see," Edmund tried to get around me and peer over the railing. "Who is it?"
The door was shut. My father's shoulders sagged a moment, then he and Mum turned left and headed for the kitchen.
"Come on," said Edmund, tugging my sleeve. "Let's listen."
"No." I said. "They need to be alone."
Susan emerged from her room, tying a bathrobe and yawning. "What's going on?" she asked.
"It's Dad," said Edmund. "Someone came and talked to him."
Susan blinked a moment. She knew as well as I what had happened, but neither of us decided to explain it to Edmund.
"He handed him a paper," Edmund continued. "Do you suppose they're arresting him or something?"
"They don't do it like that," protested Susan. "And be quiet. You'll wake Lucy."
"Of course," Edmund snapped. "We don't want to wake the baby."
"You used to be her age too," I snapped, glaring at him. "Can't you at least say one sentence without ratting on Lucy every time?"
"Boys." Susan said quickly. "Don't start. It's nearly twelve thirty. Shouldn't we all go back to bed?"
"Back to bed," I repeated, suddenly remembering what Edmund had planned to do. "You first."
I watched carefully as he walked dejectedly into the bedroom. Susan glanced at me. "What was that about?" she asked.
"Nothing."
The next morning I arose quietly before Edmund woke up, hoping to have a moment with Dad.
I dressed and went downstairs, finding Dad at the table drinking coffee. He was still in his robe.
"Didn't you go back to bed at all last night?" I asked.
"Oh, good morning Peter," he said. He completely avoided my question. "Do you want some coffee?"
"I'll have tea," I said, a little bewildered. I never drank coffee. "Dad, about last night---"
"I'm leaving tomorrow," finished Dad. "I didn't realize you were awake."
"Everyone except Lucy."
"It looks like I shall have less people to explain it to then," Dad said, rubbing his temples and sighing. "I hate telling people hard news."
"Edmund doesn't understand."
Dad looked up. "Oh Peter, I don't even understand either."
I slumped down in a chair, absentmindedly poking a roll on a plate. "Edmund needs you right now. And now you have to leave."
Dad stood suddenly. "How can I be a good father if I'm away? I need to be here. With you. And with the rest of the family. Edmund is going through a hard time now, and I can't even be here for him." He started to pace. "But what can I do. My country needs me."
I stood. "Dad, you…you don't have to worry."
Dad stopped and looked at me, almost looking expectant of what I was saying.
"I know I'm not a Dad. But I can do my best. You don't have to worry about the family; I'll take care of them."
Dad strode over to me and wrapped me in a hug. "Thank-you, Peter. I see I'm not leaving behind my oldest boy, I'm leaving behind a man to take care of things."
"I hope so," I whispered, taking a shaky breath and pulling back. "I think---"
Lucy came in at that moment, rubbing her eyes. "Is breakfast ready?" she asked.
"Your Mum is feeling a little poorly," Dad rushed over and picked her up in his strong arms. "This is why I am going to take you out to breakfast! Go get dressed, my dear, and find Susan. I'm taking you girls out."
Lucy clapped her hands with excitement and rushed from the room.
Dad sighed when she left the room. "My poor girl."
"She will have a hard time understanding. She's so young." I said.
"Do not underestimate that Lucy," Dad chuckled. "She's full of surprises."
I finally felt the need to go off and be by myself. "I'll be in the garden," I said quickly, opening the door and rushing towards the large tree. I plopped down on the bench next to it and took a shuddering breath.
Was he really leaving? I was so hard to believe. Within a month, we could be like the thousands of kids at school, receiving the little yellow telegram from a man on a bicycle, then we would all wear black, and life would seemingly cease to exist.
I shook myself. No. He wouldn't die!
We stood sullenly on the porch, waiting. It was so quiet. And it would rain, wouldn't it?
Dad finally came out of the house, putting his brown bag on the ground. First, he hugged Lucy.
"My dear," he said kindly. Edmund rolled his eyes. "I am going to miss you and your spunkiness! Did you know that?"
Lucy sniffled and shook her head.
"I love you, my sweet," he hugged her and kissed her head. "Write me your beautiful letters?"
She nodded yes, unable to speak. It was so unlike her. It made my heart sag to see her with the lack of optimism.
"And Edmund," Dad went to Edmund and placed a hand on either shoulders. "Be brave. Listen to your family. Do you know what I'll miss?"
"Not me," said Edmund quietly.
"No," Dad chided gently. "I'll miss you and me. Together. I'll miss our fishing trips, and stopping by the depot to see the trains. Keep me in your prayers."
Edmund looked upset that Dad would ask him that. Edmund always avoided praying. When it was his turn to pray at mealtimes, he always kept it short, hoping that will prevent him from answering to Someone higher above.
"I will, Dad." He raised his chin slightly.
"You're going to become a good man," said Dad, kissing the top of his head. He stepped to Susan.
"My beautiful girl," he started. Susan's eyes filled with tears, and she looked down. Susan always felt weak when she cried in front of people.
"Don't cry," said Dad. "I will be back soon. The war will be over and we will go to Berkahms." Susan's eyes lighted up a bit. She always wanted to go to Berkahms. Berkahms was a lovely restaurant and club. A lot of the American soldiers could afford to go there when they stayed for a short time in London. I'd heard the Andrew's Sisters, singers from America, performed there once.
"You don't have to worry about a thing here," said Susan bravely. "Mum and I will take care of the house and everything."
"Good girl," Dad finished, kissing her head. Then he stepped down the line to me. "Well son, you are in charge now." He said, brushing my hair away from my face. "I'm trusting you to protect the family."
"I know," I said. I hesitated a moment, then gave him a hug, begging providence it wouldn't be my last.
"Good man," he said, pulling back. "I shouldn't have to worry about a thing, now, will I?"
A jeep pulled up, giving the horn a small bleep. Dad looked at each of our faces in turn, picked up his bag, and wrapped an arm around Mum's shoulders. They walked down together. Dad threw his bag in the trunk, and then whispered something to Mum. She nodded and let a few tears fall down her face. He hugged her strongly, and then kissed her passionately. Edmund sighed and turned away. Susan and Lucy stared on, sobbing plainly now. I just couldn't believe I was finally seeing this. The final goodbyes were said. He stepped into the jeep. The jeep pulled away, while Dad craned his body around and waved. He waved until he disappeared around the bend.
And then he was gone. As easily as that.
We went inside to an empty, silent house. I went upstairs and pulled out a Stevenson classic. Edmund sat on the floor, peering into a book around Warfare. Susan went outside and sat on the bench, thinking quietly. Lucy ran to her bedroom and threw herself upon the bed, sobbing. Mum followed to comfort her.
We all did something alone. Yet we all were missing the heartbeat of the family.
And so it continued for some time.
