She could never get it out of her mind. It was always sitting their, whether right on the edge of her consciousness or the only thing she could think about, that evil feeling was always there. The feeling of Artemis and Kaldur and Wally and Dick and Connor dead. All dead. All her fault. All her fault.
That training exercise changed M'gann. Permanently. At first she was unsure. Always scared that something like that would happen again. Reluctant to use her powers. She slowly became a liability to the Team.
Then she slowly became more confident. But with this confidence came the will to make sure this would never happen again. To keep her powers in check. To keep herself in check.
She learnt everything there was to know about her powers and how to control them. Complete control was her goal. But in the process of attaining her goal, she lost the sweet, innocent Megan she had once been. She became darker, more violent. She became a force to be reckoned with. And she became the strongest telepath of her generation.
Then she found out how to rip information from someone's mind. She had thought it was alright. Losing Connor had hurt, but it didn't matter in the long run. He didn't understand her drive. How much she had been hurt. How much she had hurt her best friends.
But when Jason and Tula died, she watched as Dick and Kaldur went through transformations just like hers. They became darker, more violent. Kaldur betrayed the Team.
Seeing Dick like that, so different from how he once was, was kind of like an alarm clock, telling her to wake up, but she ignored it. Hit the snooze button. Told herself that that wasn't what she was like.
And then she found out about all he had hidden from them. She had hidden so much from her friends when she was younger. This was the real wake-up call. She had strayed from herself. And she realized it now.
Her need for control had started controlling her. And now she was going to start taking control back.
