Ashley

My younger sisters Lily, rose and I were in the cold locker room of the downtown denver ballet school we went to very early that Saturday morning. It was September, the 16th. Even though it was the weekend the time we had ballet didn't change. It was from 5 - 7 every morning and night. Lily was stretching on the floor in front of rose and I. I was behind rose helping her pin her long curly red hair up. Lily was in all black other than her white tights her long curly dark hair pinned up. Rose was in all white. Wed all been on pointe since we were 13 which was 3 yrs ago. Well 4 for me since I was 17. They were 16 as were our sisters alexa and hannah.

In the long narrow mirror I saw the reflection of lily trying to bend over one leg. The foot of the other was against the outstretched leg. Her posture wasn't very good. Currently no one else was in the locker room but us. I turned my attention from rose to lily.

"honey if you have better posture you'll be able to better do that," I told her helpfully.

She sucked in from her middle torso and not from lower down. She tried again but still wasn't getting it.

"no," I said.

"hold on," I told rose who held her hair w/ her hands.

I gave her the hairpins id been holding.

I went over and stood in front of lily.

"now watch me," I told her.

I sucked in from my lower torso. I watched as she repeated.

"there good," I told her.

I went back to rose, stood behind her and pinned her hair up then went to sit on the floor where I wrapped my feet. My tights weren't on yet and neither was my leotard. I was wearing a soft pink long sleeve sweater and black pants.

"thanks," rose said when she was done.

I looked at her; "uh huh."

I went back to my wrapping.

"damn I need more band aids," I muttered.

This was to provide more cushioning between my toes and my shoes when I went up on pointe.

"we'll go after," lily said.

"ok."

"and get breakfast too," rose said in her English accent.

Our adoptive parents karen and jesse had adopted her from England after her mother had passed.

We hadn't yet had breakfast.

"ok," I agreed

After we were done getting ready we went into the ballet studio and lined up at the barre where class always started. The other girls came in including Rachel and quinn. I didn't know them at all but we apparently went to the same high school since id seen them around. They were good dancers, pretty. We didn't say much but you usually didn't in ballet as you weren't to. Even when id seen them in school we hadn't said much to each other.

The teacher and piano player came in. we started class.

As usual we started in first position w/ our right arms rounded left ones on the barre. we stuck our right legs out and brought them around. we did this several times. Then we bent down then to the side and up. We repeated this several times. We bent forward and then back also several times. We did this on all 5 positions on both sides.

After that we rose up on pointe.


It was the middle of the day. Jesse, my younger sister Kate and I were the only ones home. 'home' being our big house in denver, CO although jesse was from rhode island karen from CT. My other adoptive younger sister marie was downtown, as were my other adoptive sisters Hannah and alexa. Hannah and alexa were at work. They worked at a bookstore. The twins Amanda and Louisa were somewhere, my older brother Evan was at his place and my mom Karen was somewhere. After ballet which had ended at 7 that morning, rose, lily and I'd gotten breakfast at a café then came home. It was now 11.

I was upstairs, walking down the hall on my way to get something to eat from the kitchen, when I heard something from the bathroom. I immediately knew it was Kate.

Of course Karen wasn't home. She was never home when Kate was sick.

Because Kate had been sick on and off for the past week, she'd lost more weight. This was partially due to the fact that somehow, because of her leukemia, her spleen was enlarged causing her to feel full. And, she'd been so sick she hadn't been able to keep a thing down. She'd lost quite a bit of weight due to this and had been bleeding a lot, which meant that at any given moment either Evan or Jesse drove Kate and my younger sister Anna to the hospital so Anna could give her more platelets in order to make up for what she'd lost. Karen hadn't told Anna what was really going on each time they went to the hospital, just that we were going to help Kate. Along with being sick and bleeding, she'd also been tired lately and more bruises had appeared. Because of her leukemia, her body didn't work the way it was supposed to. Bruises were formed by bleeding under the skin; Kate's blood didn't clot which meant her bruises didn't go away.

When I got to the tall white bathroom door I knocked on it and put my ear to it.

"Kate?" I asked: "honey? It's Ashley. Can I come in?"

Inside I heard vomiting which I took as a 'yes'.

I turned the knob, opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind me.

Kate was 13 shed had cancer for 11 yrs since she was 2. Karen and jesse had had anna as a donor for kate. Mandy who was 14 didn't weigh enough to give kate blood. But karen, evan, anna, jesse and Louisa had all been doing that, in rounds. They were all karen and jesses biological children. The rest of us weren't.

Anna was 10, Louisa was also 14 as was marie and evan was 18. Anna was the only one in elementary school, kate, marie and the twins were in middle school and the rest of us were in high school. Evan would be in college next year. Evan was the only one of us who had his own place though I was thinking of getting one. Karen and jesse had told me I could next year at the beginning of the school year. So I had a year from now to find a place and move into it. And about a year ago id moved into theirs from the place my dad and I had in Brooklyn though we were originally from new Orleans. My mom had passed when I was little, from sickness. I didn't have any siblings just one daughter angela lily named after my mom. No one other than my friends back in the city - reenah, lily, scarlette and Miranda - knew about her. She was 3.

My dad hadn't been very good to me which was why id left. He'd hurt me.

I now lived w/ Karen and Jesse who'd adopted me after finding me in New York the previous year. Actually what they'd really done was rescue me from my dad. We all lived in Denver, co.

A few months after id moved in id signed up for it at the school they took it where they also took ballet.


It was a sunny day in Brooklyn about a year ago. I'd left the small apartment my dad and I shared after he'd come home from the bar, yelling and angry. I'd gone and sat down on a black wire bench on the tree lined sidewalk. A guy about my father's age, 40, who was tall with longish light brown hair, approached me.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey," I returned.

"Mind if I sit?"

"No."

He started to sit next to me on the bench.

"Other bench," I said.

"What?"

"Sit on the other bench. I got issues with space."

"Uh, ok."

He moved.

"Thanks," I said.

"Sure."

I could feel him looking at the bruises my father had placed on my arm this morning. He was studying them.

"Do you have leukemia?" he asked.

"What?" I asked, the illness the furthest thing from my mind.

"My daughter, she, uh, has bruises like that from her leukemia."

"Oh. No. My dad he, um..." I really didn't want to go into the whole story.

"Oh."

"I'm Ashley," I told the guy.

"Hey, Jesse. Nice day."

"Yeah. It is."

I really wasn't up for making small talk but I could tell he wasn't going to leave.

"How old's your daughter?" I asked.

"13."

"Jeez what an age."

"Yeah. Moreso with her leukemia. She was diagnosed when she...I don't know why I'm telling you this. You look like you've got enough problems of your own."

"It's that obvious huh?" I asked.

"No, I just pay attention."

"Mmmm."


I'd just stepped onto the porch. It was night, quiet and dark. After dinner, which had been at 5, I'd gone downtown for 2 hours. It was weird, being somewhere I didn't really know. Dinner was interrupted by Kate getting sick. Jesse, Karen and the others had gone to the hospital. It was now 7.

The smell of smoke reached me.

"Hey," a male voice said in the dark.

"Hey, mind if I light up?" I asked.

A packet of cigerettes and a small black lighter was tossed my way.

"Thanks," I said, after lighting up.

"Sure."

I set the lighter and packet on the porch railing and sat in a porch chair.

"I'm Evan," the guy's voice said from the other end of the porch.

"Ashley," I told him.

"Where you from?"

"Brooklyn."