"Get out!" Till this day, two years after the whole thing, it still rang clear in his head. Then after the sinking feeling hit, he'd remember the face of his little daughter. She'd been two years old when he left. He could still see her face as she was back then. She was always sleeping in his thoughts, the way she had been on that last night of his happy life style.
Now his life was bleak, and the thoughts that used to warm him when he left his home to look for his past all those times. Now those same thoughts tormented him… it made him think of the way it was. In those times that he had felt that he actually had found a place… a home that he belonged.
Two years ago…
Logan came home after another trip north. He'd been gone for three weeks, and was glad to be home again. He'd walked through the room he shared with his wife, Marie, to his daughter's room. He slipped in and checked on her, gently touching her cheek as she slept, before slipping back into his room. He was surprised to not only find Marie awake and sitting up, but also looking furious with him as well.
"Marie?"
"I'm done, Logan. I've had it with your trips up north, to find a past that doesn't matter now that you have us. You're looking back behind you when you should be looking forward!"
"Marie, we've been through this before." He sighed, tired from the drive home and exasperated at the thought of this conversation happening yet again.
"That's my point, Logan! We talk about this, and you listen to my side with all the aggravation you can muster. Then do as you please anyway."
"Marie I'm tired, can't we do this tomorrow?"
"No we can't!"
Logan rolled his eyes, and collapsed sitting on the bed and reaching for his shoes. "Why is that, Marie?"
"Easy Logan. I want you packed and gone way before tomorrow even comes!"
Logan's eyes widened and he stood and spun to look at her. "What the hell do you mean, Marie?"
"I mean, Logan, I don't want you in my life anymore! It hurts to much."
"And what of Camilla?"
"I will raise our daughter without you."
He looked stunned then his head flew to their daughter's room. Be fore nodding and grabbing his bag that he had yet to unpack. He stormed through their room into his daughter's. He heard Marie get up but ignored her. He bent his head and closed his eyes, inhaling her scent one last time. "Daddy will always love you, Camilla." He kissed her cheek and brushed her hair off her face with a large rough hand, that had the gentle touch with those he loved. "Night baby."
He turned and Marie gasped at how quickly that look of love and sadness flew from his face. She backed up a step at the fury that was in his eyes. Her hand flew to her chest to cover her heart as she saw how close he was to losing control to the wolverine. He wanted out… he wanted to roar and throw things and fight for his family. She knew… she saw it… then she watched her husband reign it tightly as he glanced back at his daughter. She backed up a step as he stormed through their room again he opened the door but stopped. Without turning he growled, "I'll ask Scott to pack the rest to be thrown out." He growled bitterly, "I'm sure you don't want anything of me around…"
The door swung shut hard when suddenly a hand grabbed it again before in slammed shut. And she watched amazed as it was shut quietly… and she realized even now he protected his daughter… and her rest. She never saw that her daughter's old baby blanket was held tightly in his large fist. Didn't even realize it was gone till a long time later. But when she had… she knew immediately who it was with… even if she didn't know where that person was.
Two years later…
He walked back to his hotel from the bar he'd been fighting at. A wad of cash stashed in his pocket. And a gash, from a knife, in his shoulder that was still healing. He winced at the pain when he moved his arm to open his door.
He'd been sidetracked so the scent didn't hit him till he swung the door open. He growled deeply into his pitch dark room. "What do you want, Marie?"
Her voice sounded surprised, "I thought you would have forgotten my scent by now." She heard him snort before turning on the light.
"I'm only gonna ask one more time… Why are you here?"
"I asked the Professor to find you…"
"You don't say…" He pulled off his leather jacket and walked into the bathroom. Marie walked up and leaned against the doorframe. Her eyes widened as she caught the sight of his toweling off his chest and shoulder. The towel was soaked with blood.
"Logan… how come it isn't healing?"
"Answer my question Marie… then get out."
She couldn't take her gaze off his shoulder. "I… I uh. I came with the divorce papers."
His body went ridged.
"I need you to sign them."
He turned to look at the papers she held out, glaring at them before turning away and reaching for a clean shirt. He closed his eyes tightly then forced his face to show no emotion when he turned back. Grabbing the papers she held he returned to the bedroom and grabbed one of those stupid pens that the hotel provides. Their were arrow sticky notes pointing to the signature lines. He started at the front page signing without reading. Not caring in the least what they said. What more could she take from him?
When he finished he simply left them there and walked away. He stopped at the fridge where he poured himself a large shot and through it back with ease. He glanced at his bag beside him staring at it. After a minute he leaned down and withdrew something. He walked back over as Marie stared at his name. "Logan Whitman?"
He stared at her without saying a word then slammed down money over the papers. "25 thousand."
"Lo… Logan I can't accept…"
He interrupted, "It isn't for you! It's for Camilla… So she can have anything she wants or needs."
Marie nodded as tears gathered in her eyes. "Your… you found your last name?"
He shrugged and glanced down at his signature as well.
"I'm so happy for…"
"Stop the shit, Marie. You don't give a good fuck about it… and I don't expect you to."
"But Lo…"
He growled interrupting her, and she stopped trying. Logan's head jerked up and he sniffed twice. He rolled his eyes and walked back to his bag, grabbing something and then to the door, opening the door before Scooter could knock.
Scott looked surprised for a moment then walked in. He handed Marie a manila envelope then started to walk back out. Logan caught his arm and handed him an envelope as well. Scott looked up curious. "For Xavier. It's the information he asked me to find."
Scott looked back down to the envelope an both he and Marie looked surprised that the Professor had contacted Logan. Logan glared at Scott, "Tell him that information is thanks because of the tip he found for me. So from now on were quits."
Scott nodded dumbly and walked back out.
Logan turned back to Marie and held the door open in an obvious command to leave. Marie cringed then gathered herself and walked over to the door. He let go and turned away, listening to the door click shut. He drew in a breath then sighed irritated. "You're on the wrong side of that door."
"Logan, I wanted to give you something."
Logan turned and looked at her in an irritated huff.
She handed him the envelope and he took it, raising a brow at her.
She looked down at the floor then back at him. "It's your copy of the divorce papers…"
He rolled his eyes and threw it towards the bed and started to walk away. Marie laid a hand on his arm and his whole body tensed. "There's also pictures Camilla drew of you and her a long time ago… I think … that is to say, I considered them yours." Logan's gaze flew to the envelope and he stared at it in curiosity and a little flash of happiness flashed through his eyes before she saw the sadness overtake him again. She sighed, "And there are pictures… ones of you and her… and ones over these last two years."
He nodded, "Thank you." She knew what the omission had cost him and she nodded.
When she let him go he walked over and picked it up, forgetting she was there at all. He opened it and poured it out on the bed. Picking up the drawings first and reading the back where Marie had written what Camilla had told her they were of. After reading Logan would stare at the picture and caress the figures and let a little smile out. There were 5 in all and Marie had sat down at the desk watching him. The first two were of Camilla being thrown up in the air. The brown scribble was her father and the green was her, according to the back. In the next one Logan and Marie were walking with Camilla between them. In this one Camilla was a purple blob, Marie was orange and he was black. The next was cut full of holes and he looked confused. He slowly opened it up, then laughed. Apparently she had been trying to make a snowflake, but cut all over to much. The thing was held together by one corner. One piece was falling off. Marie laughed as she remembered that one. Camilla had been so proud, she'd giggled asked, 'Are these what the snowflakes where daddy is, look like?'. She had told her they looked exactly like that.
Next he picked up the string with beads on it. Marie had forgotten she had placed them in there. She had had the envelope for a year. Slowly adding to it… but never once looking back through it. She remembered the beads though. Camilla had made the necklace for her daddy, it had heart beads on it. Logan was moving the beads back and forth. "She made that for you." she glanced at the card in his other hand, "And that as well."
He nodded. He looked at the card, it had dried glue. Paper pieces, glitter and scribbling all over it. He glanced up then smirked a little, "She does good work."
Marie smiled, "It's your Christmas card from last year."
"She still remembers me?"
Marie's tears were coming fast as she realized the depth of Logan's pain and wanting to be in his daughter's life. "Oh yes, she has a picture of you and her by her bed." she sniffed, "I told her you had borrowed her blanket…" his eyes shot up to hers, and she smiled. "She told me that she was glad you had it, so you could stay warm."
He stared at her a moment, then smiled and nodded.
Marie was spurned on by how he was soaking in, this information she was giving him, like a dry sponge. "She's learning her ABC's. She almost has it down, except for the L,M,N,O,P. It kind of comes out as one word." she looked down trying to think of more, "She's very smart… top of her preschool class! … She'll be in Kindergarten next year. Oh! I almost forgot…" she giggled, "She growls… usually at the boys in her class. She sounds so much like you."
"She has lots of friends?"
"Oh yeah… she's a popular one for sure. Scott and 'Ro had a baby last year… she pushes her around in a stroller or sits beside her highchair. Rika is Scott's baby girl. Camilla tells everyone that Rika is HER baby, and that nobody can have her." Marie smiled a little.
Logan smirked, "Starting a little young at being a mom ain't she?"
"She doesn't think so." Marie said as they shared a smile.
He picked up the packet of pictures and slipped them out. He looked through the pictures of him holding Camilla after she was born and them playing together throughout the years he was with her. One that caught his eye was of him working out in the gym. Camilla was watching him with complete attention. She was mimicking him as he worked on the punching bag. Her little arm was up towards her chest, while the other was straight out with a fist. It looked like she had been caught in the act of punching. Then he looked at himself and the punching bag was flinging away from him as he stood in the same pose. He smiled and held the picture tenderly. Then he got to the ones where of her when he wasn't there and the pictures gave him his right to watch her grow up in a way. There were a couple of ones where she was doing something cute, like a summersault. Then there were those of her playing in leaves outside. Another one was of her holding, who he assumed to be Rika. He smiled as he got to her final picture. Marie had put it in right before she left. It was her graduating preschool in her little robe in cap. She was smiling and laughing and Logan smiled in reaction. "She's beautiful. Thank you for these."
Marie was robbed of speech as he thanked her, and it made up her mind as she wiped her tears. But before she could say anything he was placing everything back in the envelope then in his bag. He pulled out a box and walked over to her. "I got this that last time I went away, before I came home…"
"Thank you." she accepted the box and opened it slowly. Inside there were emerald earrings and a matching bracelet and necklace. Her tears came fast and she had to hold the tissue from the desk up to her eyes. "Emeralds… you always liked them on me."
And for a moment it seemed like old times, Logan smiled a true smile at her again then wiped her eyes with his thumb. "They bring out your eyes."
"Oh Logan!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and he slid his arms around her waist. "I'm so sorry about that night."
His body tensed as his smile died. He didn't have a right to hold her anymore. All the past slammed into him and he released her. Marie saw it in his eyes. He was giving up. "You should go Marie. It's a long drive back."
She wrapped her arms tightly around him. "Logan, I've been such an idiot. I've loved you for so long and you gave me everything I ever wanted. Then when you wanted one thing I didn't understand and … and I was a selfish bitch… Damn I'm so sorry Logan. Please come back."
He shivered then did so again, she saw the doubt and vulnerability in his eyes. She kissed him deeply. And for a moment he wasn't responding. Then suddenly his arms clamped around her and he drew her to him tightly.
When they broke apart, her tears were on his cheeks as well from their contact. "Forgive me, please, please forgive me."
Logan nodded against her neck, and she saw how much he wanted her. She'd missed him, she'd missed them together. She ran a hand down his chest and stomach. He growled. "Scooter…waiting…"
Marie shook her head and kept kissing him, "Separate cars…. He left."
He picked her up and set her on the bed. "If you don't want this… tell me now. I won't be able to stop later."
"I don't want you to stop." and she didn't … for the first time in 2 years, she felt whole again. She knew it wasn't completely fixed… but it was a start. And they'd work it out… she knew it. Then she couldn't think at all, Logan began weaving his magic on her body, and she was lost.
Now his life was bleak, and the thoughts that used to warm him when he left his home to look for his past all those times. Now those same thoughts tormented him… it made him think of the way it was. In those times that he had felt that he actually had found a place… a home that he belonged.
Two years ago…
Logan came home after another trip north. He'd been gone for three weeks, and was glad to be home again. He'd walked through the room he shared with his wife, Marie, to his daughter's room. He slipped in and checked on her, gently touching her cheek as she slept, before slipping back into his room. He was surprised to not only find Marie awake and sitting up, but also looking furious with him as well.
"Marie?"
"I'm done, Logan. I've had it with your trips up north, to find a past that doesn't matter now that you have us. You're looking back behind you when you should be looking forward!"
"Marie, we've been through this before." He sighed, tired from the drive home and exasperated at the thought of this conversation happening yet again.
"That's my point, Logan! We talk about this, and you listen to my side with all the aggravation you can muster. Then do as you please anyway."
"Marie I'm tired, can't we do this tomorrow?"
"No we can't!"
Logan rolled his eyes, and collapsed sitting on the bed and reaching for his shoes. "Why is that, Marie?"
"Easy Logan. I want you packed and gone way before tomorrow even comes!"
Logan's eyes widened and he stood and spun to look at her. "What the hell do you mean, Marie?"
"I mean, Logan, I don't want you in my life anymore! It hurts to much."
"And what of Camilla?"
"I will raise our daughter without you."
He looked stunned then his head flew to their daughter's room. Be fore nodding and grabbing his bag that he had yet to unpack. He stormed through their room into his daughter's. He heard Marie get up but ignored her. He bent his head and closed his eyes, inhaling her scent one last time. "Daddy will always love you, Camilla." He kissed her cheek and brushed her hair off her face with a large rough hand, that had the gentle touch with those he loved. "Night baby."
He turned and Marie gasped at how quickly that look of love and sadness flew from his face. She backed up a step at the fury that was in his eyes. Her hand flew to her chest to cover her heart as she saw how close he was to losing control to the wolverine. He wanted out… he wanted to roar and throw things and fight for his family. She knew… she saw it… then she watched her husband reign it tightly as he glanced back at his daughter. She backed up a step as he stormed through their room again he opened the door but stopped. Without turning he growled, "I'll ask Scott to pack the rest to be thrown out." He growled bitterly, "I'm sure you don't want anything of me around…"
The door swung shut hard when suddenly a hand grabbed it again before in slammed shut. And she watched amazed as it was shut quietly… and she realized even now he protected his daughter… and her rest. She never saw that her daughter's old baby blanket was held tightly in his large fist. Didn't even realize it was gone till a long time later. But when she had… she knew immediately who it was with… even if she didn't know where that person was.
Two years later…
He walked back to his hotel from the bar he'd been fighting at. A wad of cash stashed in his pocket. And a gash, from a knife, in his shoulder that was still healing. He winced at the pain when he moved his arm to open his door.
He'd been sidetracked so the scent didn't hit him till he swung the door open. He growled deeply into his pitch dark room. "What do you want, Marie?"
Her voice sounded surprised, "I thought you would have forgotten my scent by now." She heard him snort before turning on the light.
"I'm only gonna ask one more time… Why are you here?"
"I asked the Professor to find you…"
"You don't say…" He pulled off his leather jacket and walked into the bathroom. Marie walked up and leaned against the doorframe. Her eyes widened as she caught the sight of his toweling off his chest and shoulder. The towel was soaked with blood.
"Logan… how come it isn't healing?"
"Answer my question Marie… then get out."
She couldn't take her gaze off his shoulder. "I… I uh. I came with the divorce papers."
His body went ridged.
"I need you to sign them."
He turned to look at the papers she held out, glaring at them before turning away and reaching for a clean shirt. He closed his eyes tightly then forced his face to show no emotion when he turned back. Grabbing the papers she held he returned to the bedroom and grabbed one of those stupid pens that the hotel provides. Their were arrow sticky notes pointing to the signature lines. He started at the front page signing without reading. Not caring in the least what they said. What more could she take from him?
When he finished he simply left them there and walked away. He stopped at the fridge where he poured himself a large shot and through it back with ease. He glanced at his bag beside him staring at it. After a minute he leaned down and withdrew something. He walked back over as Marie stared at his name. "Logan Whitman?"
He stared at her without saying a word then slammed down money over the papers. "25 thousand."
"Lo… Logan I can't accept…"
He interrupted, "It isn't for you! It's for Camilla… So she can have anything she wants or needs."
Marie nodded as tears gathered in her eyes. "Your… you found your last name?"
He shrugged and glanced down at his signature as well.
"I'm so happy for…"
"Stop the shit, Marie. You don't give a good fuck about it… and I don't expect you to."
"But Lo…"
He growled interrupting her, and she stopped trying. Logan's head jerked up and he sniffed twice. He rolled his eyes and walked back to his bag, grabbing something and then to the door, opening the door before Scooter could knock.
Scott looked surprised for a moment then walked in. He handed Marie a manila envelope then started to walk back out. Logan caught his arm and handed him an envelope as well. Scott looked up curious. "For Xavier. It's the information he asked me to find."
Scott looked back down to the envelope an both he and Marie looked surprised that the Professor had contacted Logan. Logan glared at Scott, "Tell him that information is thanks because of the tip he found for me. So from now on were quits."
Scott nodded dumbly and walked back out.
Logan turned back to Marie and held the door open in an obvious command to leave. Marie cringed then gathered herself and walked over to the door. He let go and turned away, listening to the door click shut. He drew in a breath then sighed irritated. "You're on the wrong side of that door."
"Logan, I wanted to give you something."
Logan turned and looked at her in an irritated huff.
She handed him the envelope and he took it, raising a brow at her.
She looked down at the floor then back at him. "It's your copy of the divorce papers…"
He rolled his eyes and threw it towards the bed and started to walk away. Marie laid a hand on his arm and his whole body tensed. "There's also pictures Camilla drew of you and her a long time ago… I think … that is to say, I considered them yours." Logan's gaze flew to the envelope and he stared at it in curiosity and a little flash of happiness flashed through his eyes before she saw the sadness overtake him again. She sighed, "And there are pictures… ones of you and her… and ones over these last two years."
He nodded, "Thank you." She knew what the omission had cost him and she nodded.
When she let him go he walked over and picked it up, forgetting she was there at all. He opened it and poured it out on the bed. Picking up the drawings first and reading the back where Marie had written what Camilla had told her they were of. After reading Logan would stare at the picture and caress the figures and let a little smile out. There were 5 in all and Marie had sat down at the desk watching him. The first two were of Camilla being thrown up in the air. The brown scribble was her father and the green was her, according to the back. In the next one Logan and Marie were walking with Camilla between them. In this one Camilla was a purple blob, Marie was orange and he was black. The next was cut full of holes and he looked confused. He slowly opened it up, then laughed. Apparently she had been trying to make a snowflake, but cut all over to much. The thing was held together by one corner. One piece was falling off. Marie laughed as she remembered that one. Camilla had been so proud, she'd giggled asked, 'Are these what the snowflakes where daddy is, look like?'. She had told her they looked exactly like that.
Next he picked up the string with beads on it. Marie had forgotten she had placed them in there. She had had the envelope for a year. Slowly adding to it… but never once looking back through it. She remembered the beads though. Camilla had made the necklace for her daddy, it had heart beads on it. Logan was moving the beads back and forth. "She made that for you." she glanced at the card in his other hand, "And that as well."
He nodded. He looked at the card, it had dried glue. Paper pieces, glitter and scribbling all over it. He glanced up then smirked a little, "She does good work."
Marie smiled, "It's your Christmas card from last year."
"She still remembers me?"
Marie's tears were coming fast as she realized the depth of Logan's pain and wanting to be in his daughter's life. "Oh yes, she has a picture of you and her by her bed." she sniffed, "I told her you had borrowed her blanket…" his eyes shot up to hers, and she smiled. "She told me that she was glad you had it, so you could stay warm."
He stared at her a moment, then smiled and nodded.
Marie was spurned on by how he was soaking in, this information she was giving him, like a dry sponge. "She's learning her ABC's. She almost has it down, except for the L,M,N,O,P. It kind of comes out as one word." she looked down trying to think of more, "She's very smart… top of her preschool class! … She'll be in Kindergarten next year. Oh! I almost forgot…" she giggled, "She growls… usually at the boys in her class. She sounds so much like you."
"She has lots of friends?"
"Oh yeah… she's a popular one for sure. Scott and 'Ro had a baby last year… she pushes her around in a stroller or sits beside her highchair. Rika is Scott's baby girl. Camilla tells everyone that Rika is HER baby, and that nobody can have her." Marie smiled a little.
Logan smirked, "Starting a little young at being a mom ain't she?"
"She doesn't think so." Marie said as they shared a smile.
He picked up the packet of pictures and slipped them out. He looked through the pictures of him holding Camilla after she was born and them playing together throughout the years he was with her. One that caught his eye was of him working out in the gym. Camilla was watching him with complete attention. She was mimicking him as he worked on the punching bag. Her little arm was up towards her chest, while the other was straight out with a fist. It looked like she had been caught in the act of punching. Then he looked at himself and the punching bag was flinging away from him as he stood in the same pose. He smiled and held the picture tenderly. Then he got to the ones where of her when he wasn't there and the pictures gave him his right to watch her grow up in a way. There were a couple of ones where she was doing something cute, like a summersault. Then there were those of her playing in leaves outside. Another one was of her holding, who he assumed to be Rika. He smiled as he got to her final picture. Marie had put it in right before she left. It was her graduating preschool in her little robe in cap. She was smiling and laughing and Logan smiled in reaction. "She's beautiful. Thank you for these."
Marie was robbed of speech as he thanked her, and it made up her mind as she wiped her tears. But before she could say anything he was placing everything back in the envelope then in his bag. He pulled out a box and walked over to her. "I got this that last time I went away, before I came home…"
"Thank you." she accepted the box and opened it slowly. Inside there were emerald earrings and a matching bracelet and necklace. Her tears came fast and she had to hold the tissue from the desk up to her eyes. "Emeralds… you always liked them on me."
And for a moment it seemed like old times, Logan smiled a true smile at her again then wiped her eyes with his thumb. "They bring out your eyes."
"Oh Logan!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and he slid his arms around her waist. "I'm so sorry about that night."
His body tensed as his smile died. He didn't have a right to hold her anymore. All the past slammed into him and he released her. Marie saw it in his eyes. He was giving up. "You should go Marie. It's a long drive back."
She wrapped her arms tightly around him. "Logan, I've been such an idiot. I've loved you for so long and you gave me everything I ever wanted. Then when you wanted one thing I didn't understand and … and I was a selfish bitch… Damn I'm so sorry Logan. Please come back."
He shivered then did so again, she saw the doubt and vulnerability in his eyes. She kissed him deeply. And for a moment he wasn't responding. Then suddenly his arms clamped around her and he drew her to him tightly.
When they broke apart, her tears were on his cheeks as well from their contact. "Forgive me, please, please forgive me."
Logan nodded against her neck, and she saw how much he wanted her. She'd missed him, she'd missed them together. She ran a hand down his chest and stomach. He growled. "Scooter…waiting…"
Marie shook her head and kept kissing him, "Separate cars…. He left."
He picked her up and set her on the bed. "If you don't want this… tell me now. I won't be able to stop later."
"I don't want you to stop." and she didn't … for the first time in 2 years, she felt whole again. She knew it wasn't completely fixed… but it was a start. And they'd work it out… she knew it. Then she couldn't think at all, Logan began weaving his magic on her body, and she was lost.
