AN: Hey, it's Primordial Soul with the first chapter of Lazarus!

I have always thought that the beginning of Mass Effect 2 had so much of its potential not utilized. Shepard had rose from the dead. He has lost everything around him and is forced to work with those he doesn't trust. He is on a suicide mission after losing two years of his life with no break at all... and he's perfectly fine? No psychiatrist, no mistrust, no stress, not even a single mention of his close brush with death? He died and always sees space, the very place in died in, as he goes to sleep. And he's a-okay, 100% ready to roll.

What … the …. shit?

So, this will be an attempt to capture the above. Shepard, who lost two years of his life and everyone close to him. Shepard, who just got drafted onto a suicide mission without a single break. Shepard, who is forced to work with terrorists he personally killed and tracked down. Shepard, who is cut off from any stabilizing agent for his mental state. Shepard, who died and rose from the dead. A Shepard who is actually effected by these things.

This AU story, as stated above, will start at the beginning of ME2 and go at least until Shepard leaves Omega for the first time after the Archangel mission. Maybe more in a sequel if I feel like it.

This story will be Male Shepard/Nyreen Kandros and will be focused on its development. Great pairing and one that should have been in the game.

Shepard will be Paragon, but Renegade when it comes to the safety of his crew.

Shepard will be a Soldier who gained biotic abilities from the Lazarus project.

Shepard had no LI in ME1.

I can't think of much else. Let's get this show on the road.

I don't own anything!


Alchera, SSV Normandy Crash Site, 2185

All I could see was white.

I stood there in the blowing snow, looking amongst the wreckage of my beloved ship. Underneath my helmeted head, my eyes teared up at the sight. Here was an image of my decadence, a symbol of my decline. I had never really believed it until this moment, but here... here is a monument to all my sins.

My feet crunched the icy chucks beneath me as I trekked through the Normandy's crash site, remembering everything I had done aboard her. I remembered the Eden Prime briefing with Nihlus and Anderson. I remembered my speech when I became its Captain. I remembered the parties we had thrown, the good times we shared together. I remembered mourning Ashley, remembered the anger I felt when we were impounded by the Council. I remembered seeing the Normandy, gliding through space as it took down Sovereign.

I remembered its last dying moments, gutted by a unknown enemy. I remembered... everything.

Everything I've lost.

Something shiny glows nearby, catching my attention. I walk towards the object and lean down, brushing off the accumulated snow after two years of inertness. I gaze at its revealed form, my fingers absently rubbing over it, feeling its texture. It was a standard issue Alliance dog tag, engraved with the name Marcus Grieco. Another man lost to the ravages of time and Death. At least he never got up.

I stayed crouched for some time, my mind slowly drifting off into a drifting blankness. I couldn't help but remember what led to this travesty, this cursed existence I now lived in.


Flashback

Awareness comes to me, something I never thought I would ever experience again. I groan and rub my chin, pain flaring through my muscles as if I never used them. Pain was good. It meant you're still alive. I look around to see my surroundings, combat instincts reflexively firing. Where was I? How did I get here? All I remembered was...

I have no time to ponder my this new development when a urgent female voice yelled out, "Shepard, you need to get moving! I know your scars aren't healed yet, but this facility is under attack!"

Explosions nearby shook the room I was in, sending me to the floor. I groan as my ribs protested the fall. What the fuck was happening?

"Shepard, armor and weapons are in the nearby locker. You need to move!" The irritating woman called out again. I tune her out as I got up off the ground and walked towards the locker.

Time to get some answers.


End Flashback

My mind resets back to the present time, bringing me out of my recollection. I sigh and stand back up, turning to face the rising sun. Now that I know what was reality, I wished I never got off that medical table. I'm all alone in a world where everything has changed, where I'm forced to fight immediately. There is no one I can trust. I can feel my mind slipping, attacked by stress and horrible nightmares. It would have made things so much easier if I had never waken up.

No man should return from the dead.

I turned and walked towards the shuttle, ready to return to the Normandy copy above me. Ready to return my cursed existence, to leave this small oasis of peace. There was nothing here for me anymore.

There was nothing in the galaxy for me anymore.


Thirty minutes later

I stepped off the shuttle, brown eyes carefully examining the hangar I was in. It was very similar to the Normandy, so similar it was uncanny, but just different enough that it was painful to look at. Everything was brighter, yellows instead of blues, that cursed symbol everywhere in sight. It just helped remember the absolute nightmare I was living.

The crew looked at me with varying expressions ranging from concern to annoyance. I walked past them, paying no attention to them. They were not my crew even though I commanded this ship. They were Cerberus, an enemy, people who couldn't be trusted. I was in the lion's den, full of danger and treachery without any back-up at all.

I pressed the elevator button for the third floor, wanting to explore the copy after finally realizing my situation. As the elevator slowly rose, why haven't they fixed that, my mind returned to the past.


Flashback

My armored body was tense, ready for any attack inside the small Kodiak shuttle we were in. Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson stared back at me with expressions I couldn't really determine. I shifted in my seat, moving my body into a better position for combat. You can never trust Cerberus.

Kahoku found that out the hard way.

"Before we reach the Illusive Man, we just have a few questions to determine your mental capabilites." Miranda began. I fought the urge to snarl. Two years of my life gone and she wants to play nanny?

"Your record shows you grew up on Mindoir and were the only survivor of the attack there. Can you remember anything about it?"

Why is she asking me about demons I've never buried? Shouldn't she be talking about my resurrection, getting me grounded in this new reality? I was in a state of flux, unable to make sense of this. There is more important priorities than my past, Cerberus, I thought. You just want to see if your investment paid off and can physically function. You don't give a crap about me.

"I don't want to talk about it," I slowly say, frustrated over my lack of knowledge. Miranda opened her mouth to reply, but Jacob cut her off.

"Miranda, try something more recent." the man said. I refused to feel gratitude. He was Cerberus. This was bad cop, good cop. I refuse to be tricked.

"Very well. Virmire, where Ashley Williams was killed..."

I fix Miranda with a glare, stopping her in her tracks. Why did she want to bring up every single disaster I've participated in? Every single terrible experience I've seen. What the fuck was wrong with her?

"Miranda, enough with the questions. He's obviously capable and I can vouch for his combat abilities personally."

Oh you mean the biotics I suddenly have? The biotics that I have absolutely no training in and almost got me killed four times onboard Lazarus stations because they kept going off with a single accidental flick of a hand, finger or arm? Sure, thank you so much!

"I need to see if Commander Shepard is mentally capable for his duties," What duties? I'm not joining your organization, you bitch!

"The battle of the Citadel. You ordered the Alliance fleet to leave the Council to die. Why?"

I've had enough. I jumped to my feet and growled, "Shut up, Cerberus. You do not get to bring up every single fucking horrible thing I've experienced and sit there like that. How dare you!"

Miranda raised an eyebrow and responded, "This is just standard procedure to see how well you're coping from your... situation."

"Situation? I was dead! A pile of meat and tubes if I recall. I lost two years of my life! I should be getting much more than a five minute interview aboard a shuttle!" I yelled, my frustration reaching new levels.

"Unfortunately, that isn't possible. We're out of time," She replied with that vague sense of smug superiority.

Out of time for what?


End Flashback

Miranda still was such a bitch, I mused as the elevator rose. She had the audacity to tell me, her CO, what exactly I should do? With the unwavering belief that we must act with 100% effort less than a day after I rose from the dead?

She couldn't be trusted. She was tracking my every move for the Illusive Man's benefit.

I hate that guy.

The elevator slowly dinged, revealing the empty hall way in front of me. I slowly stepped out and walk into the mess cafeteria, stopping when I can oversee the room.

It was so similar to home like the rest of the ship, but just different enough to now what is truly real. Around four Cerberus crew members were eating, laughing, talking with one another. My heart clenched at the sight, remembering all the times I had shared with my crew during the hunt for Saren. They hadn't noticed me yet, my form hidden in shadows. I was a ghost, a relic of old times.

I didn't belong there.

My eyes turned towards the medical bay, showing an even more despairing sight. Good old Dr. Chakwas continued her duties, typing away on her computer just like old times. I wanted to walk in there and give her a hug, cry in her arms, feel the comfort of someone who I could trust, who I knew would stand by me no matter what. I couldn't though.

She was one of them.

She, like Joker, had joined Cerberus and had agreed to work for the Illusive Man. I couldn't trust them; they could be compromised or ordered to be nice to me. It's been two years. Anything could have changed.

I turned and walked towards the elevator, no longer wishing to see this ship anymore right now. In my haste to the elevator, I didn't notice a crew member emerging from crew quarters, running right into me. I grunted as I stumbled backwards, my hand flicking outwards in an unconscious gesture.

My new biotics, in response to the accidental motion, fired, sending a pulse of biotic power straight towards the ground. It exploded, sending the two of use flying in opposite directions. I hit the far wall, groaning as I slip to the floor in slight pain. I noticed the guy gasping in pain too, having injured his back in the fall.

"Commander, are you all right?" A disembodied synthetic voice rang out. My eyes narrowed as I heard her voice. The siren of the Normandy. EDI.

"I'm fine, EDI. Stand down," I ordered as I slowly rose to my feet. Two other Cerberus grunts ran up and escorted the injured man to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas motioned him in, focused on his injuries. She didn't even check on me. My heart fell.

I was alone.

I slowly moved into the elevator, ready to head up to Deck 1. As it began moving again, my thoughts returned to that AI. She was omnipresent, omniscient in her knowledge of the ship. There was no privacy from her sight, no conversation unrecorded. She constantly sent everything to the Illusive Man to keep me under his thumb. I was always watched. I could never let my guard down.

At any moment that I'm not fighting the Collectors, more human lives will perish. I get that and I will do my duty. But... death leaves a mark on us that we can ignore. It is a rotting wound, a hole in your mental psyche. It reveals how fragile life very is and you can never, never, never forget its touch.

My encounters with death, the enemies without and within the Normandy... everything added together is wearing away at my mind. Why won't he let me regain my focus, my stability in this new time?

Easy. He doesn't want me too. He wants me dependent on him so I will always be under this thumb. And it's working. I have to give him that he's good at this sort of manipulation.

The elevator doors dinged open, revealing my personal quarters. They were admittedly much nicer than the ones I had before, but that was the thing. The Illusive Man wanted me to get used to these benefits, become dependent on his wishes. Just like a drug addict, he was trying to get my fixed on the things he was offering.

I refused to give in.

With a sigh, I removed my armor and put on my civilian clothes. I was exhausted of constantly being on my guard, constantly seeing everything so similar yet so different. I couldn't afford to stop, no one is out there for me.

I was on my own.

I slipped into bed, gazing at the window above me with moistened eyes. Right above my bed lay a window to the void of space, the very same place where I perished. It was a reminder that everything had changed, a memory of the tragedy I had experienced. It was the Illusive Man's way of bringing my demons to the front of my mind, to get me to break beneath the stress of this situation I found myself in.

As tears began to slip from my eyes as I looked away from the beautiful but tragic sight, I could only think that he was right. I was by myself. I couldn't trust anything around me. I couldn't control my new powers. I had nothing.

Oh how much I wanted someone to trust, to share my burden with! Oh how much I wanted someone to stand by me, provide me with stability to get the job done! Oh how much I wanted someone to simply understand and care!

I fell into the depths of Morpheus, having never felt more alone.


AN: I hope you liked the first chapter of Lazarus!

How do you like my interpretation of Shepard in this? I think it's more realistic and emotional considering his circumstances. He's going to be like this, paranoid and lonely, for a little bit until he meets a certain turian female on Omega. Then he'll start to revert to Commander Shepard badassery.

Chapter length for this story will be around this long. I wanted this to be shorter than my other works. I also believe that shorter chapters will be better suited for this story.

Please review and respond. That would be great!

That's all! See you later!

Primordial Soul