I'm an addict to the highest fuckin' degree. Every phase of my life can be traced by a different, single dependency. It's sickening to think about, if you think about it too much.
Phase I: Youth - shock treatment. Forced addiction, parents' fault, not mine. You spend a year getting your brains fried out and tell me how much you like it when your done. Well...you know what? I liked it when I was done. A lot. Totally opened my eyes (well...I couldn't really help that). But after so long, that electricity...the power it...just swallows you whole. It's fuckin' amazing. After I was ripped away from the asylum (ever noticed how I was ripped away from so many things? Innocence, home, a decent family, sanity...love...), I'd stand outside the trailer in a rainstorm, just praying my negatively charged heart out to which ever supreme being would listen to me. I wanted to be struck by lightening. Even contemplated takin' a shower with Sis's hair dryer. You know...just for the rush.
Phase II: White Trash Trying to Make Music - heroin. Oh, blessed drug of truth. If I knew what I know now...I still would've done it. It gave me an excuse to be unconcious. I didn't have to look at the world. If it hadn't been for the one near-overdose (the first one, that is), it'd still be my main man. Wouldn't have had to replace it with a more deleterious drug. The first near-OD, I'll admit, was pretty fuckin' scary. But I've done it a few times since. You know, just for the rush.
Phase III: Rock + Roll Star - Brian Slade. Fuck. The most harmful addiction anyone could ever develop. Most powerful drug I've ever done. The sweetest high anyone could ever wish for. I don't want to talk about him too much. If I think about him, I get violent withdrawls. See...right now. I have to stop for a moment. Shaking too much.
Better.
Phase IV: Ex-Rock + Roll Star - pain. Take that as you will. Memories, occasional bar fights, a few cuts on the arm, deep bruises. Hell, I poke my veins with a sewing needle every once in a while...just to bring up the rush of the heroin high I used to get so long ago.
Again with the shaking. Gotta stop doing this to myself.
Phase I: Youth - shock treatment. Forced addiction, parents' fault, not mine. You spend a year getting your brains fried out and tell me how much you like it when your done. Well...you know what? I liked it when I was done. A lot. Totally opened my eyes (well...I couldn't really help that). But after so long, that electricity...the power it...just swallows you whole. It's fuckin' amazing. After I was ripped away from the asylum (ever noticed how I was ripped away from so many things? Innocence, home, a decent family, sanity...love...), I'd stand outside the trailer in a rainstorm, just praying my negatively charged heart out to which ever supreme being would listen to me. I wanted to be struck by lightening. Even contemplated takin' a shower with Sis's hair dryer. You know...just for the rush.
Phase II: White Trash Trying to Make Music - heroin. Oh, blessed drug of truth. If I knew what I know now...I still would've done it. It gave me an excuse to be unconcious. I didn't have to look at the world. If it hadn't been for the one near-overdose (the first one, that is), it'd still be my main man. Wouldn't have had to replace it with a more deleterious drug. The first near-OD, I'll admit, was pretty fuckin' scary. But I've done it a few times since. You know, just for the rush.
Phase III: Rock + Roll Star - Brian Slade. Fuck. The most harmful addiction anyone could ever develop. Most powerful drug I've ever done. The sweetest high anyone could ever wish for. I don't want to talk about him too much. If I think about him, I get violent withdrawls. See...right now. I have to stop for a moment. Shaking too much.
Better.
Phase IV: Ex-Rock + Roll Star - pain. Take that as you will. Memories, occasional bar fights, a few cuts on the arm, deep bruises. Hell, I poke my veins with a sewing needle every once in a while...just to bring up the rush of the heroin high I used to get so long ago.
Again with the shaking. Gotta stop doing this to myself.
