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Pain.

That's what I wanted to feel.

Numb.

That's all I could feel.

My entire body tingled as I sat on my window sill in my house in the Victor Village. Looking out the window, I could see the ocean from my backyard. The sunset was always my favorite part of the day to watch, as the oranges and purples would mix together, to create the perfect universe between the two. My body yearned to feel the waves against my body, the sand ooze in between my toes, the birds chirping.

But I was paralyzed. I had been since that night at the Capitol Building, months ago. I wouldn't eat, sleep, or do anything apart from look out this window. When I would eventually sleep, the games and that night, would haunt my thoughts and become nightmares, reliving each moment like it was now. My screams along with the other tributes, would fill my ears throughout the night. I would scream so loud, Finnick could hear me from his house approximately 25 yards away. Whenever I would start screaming, he would always come running in, to shake me out of my nightmares. But it wasn't him I hoped to see barge into my room every night, it was Cato.

Cato's P.O.V

Colton.

Colton Hayes.

Colton.

Her name echoed through my thoughts all day, all night. Her face would appear every time I blinked. Her voice would seep into my dreams at night. I haven't seen her since she died. I missed her so much, I would give anything just to hold her, one last time. To hear her say my name. To feel her soft skin against mine. But I knew that would never happen, she's dead. She stopped breathing right in front of me, in my arms.

"No! Colton! You can't die on me!" I said as tears erupted from my eyes. I couldn't hold them back as I watched the girl I love bleed to death in my arms. "Please," I begged. "I love you," I said as I felt her body let out her last breath. Looking up at her face, I saw her eyes had closed, her lips had shut and started becoming blue. She was gone.

I let out a horrifyingly, broken hearted scream. Over and over and over. I was drowning in my own tears as I rocked Colton's body back and forth in my arms as if rocking her to sleep, but to death.

Finnick and some girl, burst into the room mid-scream. Finnick ran over to Colton's body and kneeled down next to the bed and rubbed her head as I've seen him do many times to calm her down. I looked up to see the girl Finnick had run in with, crunched up in a ball rocking herself back in forth. She looked so familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Turning back to Colton and Finnick, I wept.

"She's gone," I said, my voice cracking when I admitted the truth. Finnick's face fell and he looked as if he had shattered into a million pieces. He and I both lost the most important thing in our lives, the one thing bringing us light and hope in this dark world.

Of course, my life went on. My parents weren't very supportive. All they cared about was the money I won and moving to a much richer area. They even went as far as trying to find me another girlfriend, but I turned them all down no matter how beautiful they were; none of them even compared to Colton's beauty. If she was alive, I would take her back. I would beg her to take me back. I regret everything I said to her before the feast, I didn't know that I would actually lose her, forever. I just wanted her back.

Colton's P.O.V

Hearing my door creak, I didn't make a sudden movement knowing the only person that has even stepped foot in this house was Finnick. I knew why he was here, and not to just cheer me up. Today was the day the Victory Tour starts. Since all four of us are from different districts, we all gather at District 11 and start from there, skipping our own districts, and then going back to them starting with District 12, then mine, then Cato's, and then the Capitol to welcome ourselves back.

"Today's the day," Finnick said, sorrow in each word. He knew I was too weak, too numb, too ashamed, to face those cameras again.

No one in all of Panem, knew about what happened to me that night, except for Finnick and President Snow. Snow didn't want anyone finding out that someone in the Capitol was so 'vial', but I knew that wasn't the reason. President Snow didn't believe my act with Cato, and wanted to punish me. After all the months of sitting here, the idea finally pieced itself together.

President Snow wanted me to suffer a pain worse than death. I cheated him when I won the games, I got the ball rolling which is why such a pain wasn't inflicted on Katniss. Snow hired that man to do that, but he didn't mean for the man to die which is why he kept it so quiet. He wanted me to feel so awful about myself, that I would do his dirty work for him. I would kill myself, is what he hoped for. He hoped the nightmares I would get from both the games and that night, would be enough to set me over the edge. Yes they did, but I had to get past it, somehow and show President Snow, he's dealing with more than what he thinks.

My lips were too dry to answer Finnick back since they haven't been in use since I woke up from my comma. No one knows I'm alive, except Finnick and Annie. She visits from time to time with Finnick. He hoped she could help me get past this since she could empathize with me, she was held with so much emotion.

During this Victory Tour, me alive, would be revealed to everyone. I will redeem myself. I have a small spark in me still. I may feel numb, and yearn to feel pain, but I am stronger than ever. I have been broken, beaten, and raped, nothing could hurt me anymore. I will shove my life right back into President Snow's face. There will be a rebellion, I was sure of it.

Turning my head and finally making eye contact with Finnick, I saw he had placed himself onto the chair he put next to the window sill when he first visited me. He put his hand on my shoulder very lightly, but I flinched. My entire body shook as Bleuforsh's touch replaced Finnick and a small whimper escaped my lips. Everyday Finnick would try this on me, hoping maybe I would eventually realize it's his touch, but it never worked.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

Before I could answer, my stylists and Lidian entered the room trying to see who would see me first. Once they I was in their sights, they stopped dead in their tracks, all of their eyes wide. My breath hitched in my throat at the loud noise, but it was soon silenced. Lidian was the first to speak, like always.

"I didn't believe it when I heard it, but it's true. You're alive," She said as her eyes teared up. I never thought I would see the day, that Lidian would show any emotion apart from giddiness. Not that I would ever say it out loud, but I did miss Lidian. She walked up to hug me, but Finnick stopped her. She didn't question it and just let it slide.

"Let's get to work!" Vitic said. I didn't want to cause such a mess, so I did as I was told.

My muscles ached from finally being put to work after so long. As each stylists touched my body, I shivered. Each pluck, scrub and scratch along my body, made the feeling of Bleuforsh touching me replayed in my mind. A couple screams were let out, so my stylists quickly finished in only twenty minutes.

"Sorry," I mumbled to them after they finished, but they just let it go. Hmm, maybe they somehow found out what happened which is why they weren't causing such a fuss like they usually did.

After I was finished getting all cleaned up, Finnick and I were escorted onto the train that would bring me to District 11. The entire ride, I sat in the last car all the way in the back of the train, that was practically a giant window. I watched the entire ride, in complete silence. Finnick would sometimes check up on me, but knew I just wanted to be left alone.

Knowing I would soon be reunited with Cato, was on both of our minds. I could tell just by looking at him, that he was nervous at what Cato's reaction would be. Finnick thought that Cato might get violent with me because we kept him in the dark, that's at least what Finnick told me the first time he walked into the car I was in to talk to me about it. But I didn't know what to expect when Cato would see me. Would he cry, or would he yell? What he smile, or would he turn red in anger? I didn't know.

As night passed, those thoughts were in my head. Peering up at the night sky, I wasted time by counting stars. The stars reminded me of the twinkle I saw in Rue's eye the first time I ever saw her. She was so young, so full of life and now she was gone because I couldn't stop Marvel in time. Even though it would be hard, I would say something to her family. I would tell them I would if I could, switch spots with Rue, just so she could live, that she deserved life more than I did.

I didn't even notice the sky had become bright again, until Lidian shuffled me out of my room to meet Gito in my dressing room, to put me in my outfit for the first day. The outfit laying on the hangers in front of me, was very casual, yet elegant.

My top was a créme knit sweater, that was plain. It was supplied with high waisted brown pants with three buttons going vertically up my waist. My shoes, were black with a brown heel. The laces were silver. Going with the outfit, was my mom's bronze necklace matching perfectly. I was starting to think Gito made all my outfits accordingly to my mom's necklace.

After I threw my outfit on, my stylists did my makeup and hair. Once they were finished, I took a peek in the mirror to see they had curled my hair, but pinned a small piece back showing my face, with barely any makeup on. I was very natural looking.

Finnick walked in soon after, and looked me over. "You look good as new," He said with a smile on his face emphasizing 'new', hoping I would get the pun. Him knowing me very well, knew I had a plan.

As the train came to a stop, I got off the and walked into the District 11 Justice Building. I was led into a room with Finnick that I knew, he knew very well and remembered being in the same position I'm in now. Observing the room, I saw it was very dusty, and only had two windows, on both sides of the dirty room. It was painted a dreary grey, making it very depressing. Taking a couple steps forward, I laid eyes on the other three people with the same title I had; Victor.


So how was that? You like the beginning?