AN: First Zombieland fic. Might have this turn into Z-land drabbles, completely obsessed with it right now. Hinted Tall/Col, past Col/Wichita.


No one was too surprised when the romance between Columbus and Wichita fizzled out like a sparkler on the fourth of July, considering that Columbus didn't really do romance, brushing hair over an ear was about as much as he could muster, and while she wasn't lying when she said she could totally tap someone with the guts of a guppy, sex and actually being with someone were vastly different. Besides, it wasn't too hard to guess that when Wichita grabbed Columbus' hand and moved it to one of her breasts he flushed and stuttered; telling her it was very nice. The poor guy was such a virgin, which sucked for him at the end of the world, but he did have a nice blush going, which just spurred Wichita and Little Rock into embarrassing him.

Tallahassee, however, never lost his love for Twinkies. Little Rock finding one in Pacific Playland had been a heaven sent blessing, but if anything it just made his craving worse. And really only Columbus was affected by this, because the girls were just content to sit in the car while Tallahassee ripped apart a store to look for his beloved snack food, but Columbus always felt the need to go in and make sure the Floridian had back up, no matter that it was beyond obvious he could care for himself.

That was where they were now, Tallahassee's quest for the yellow snack food never ending. It was a small store, probably what would have been referred to as a Mom and Pop place, but no one got the reference when Tallahassee used it. This time Wichita and Little Rock had decided to pop in the small store with the guys, waiting beside Columbus while Tallahassee went through his ritual of drawing any of the infected's attention to him through a loud noise and then killing them all.

After that they agreed to split up, Columbus muttering something about buddy systems, one of his rules that the ex-college student was always so adamant about, so Little Rock went with Columbus while Wichita followed Tallahassee.

It only took Tallahassee a minute to figure out where the hostess products should be, practically smelling them out, and Wichita had to hold back a laugh when she pictured him as a dog. Tallahassee certainly acted like one sometimes, bouts of anger that ended in destruction, of both zombies and consumer goods, but loyal and caring to a fault, even if he had been the one to make up the no name rule. About a month ago Little Rock had talked him out of it, seeing as Columbus knew Wichita's and Little Rock's real name, but neither knew his or Tallahassee's. It was with some amusement that Columbus and Tallahassee found out that they had the same first name, albeit with different spelling, and the decision to stick to their new names was unanimous with that new tidbit of info.

Of course there were no Twinkies in sight, Tallahassee shoving boxes aside in his search and cursing up a storm. Wichita was used to the tirade by now, calmly picking up a box of Snoballs because she knew Columbus liked them, checking the date on it and then trying to figure out what month it was mentally before putting the box back down. Columbus was, unsurprisingly, the only one who bothered to keep some sort of system to keep track of the days and months, using his old college planner to do so, the beginning of it filled up with homework and marked days of tests, and the rest menial things like how much canned food they had, or if they needed more Band-Aids.

"The date on this box happened a while ago," Wichita said, "Are you sure there's still any that you can find that haven't passed the expiration date? Twinkies do have an expiration date, after all."

"I know they expire, damn it!" Tallahassee practically snarled, shoving the entire shelf over.

Wichita watched him vent with a sigh, noticing Little Rock and Columbus starting to make their way over, Columbus holding a pack of sugar free gum, some type of box she couldn't quite make out, and a box of lollipops, sucking on one of his hoodie strings, Little Rock reaching in the box and grabbing at one of the suckers, unwrapping it and starting to suck on it. Her sister made a face, and Wichita could just barely hear what she said over Tallahassee's rage a few feet away from her.

"I don't like this flavor, get me another one?"

"Well, we shouldn't waste it…" Columbus trailed off, hoodie string dropping from his mouth as he took the lollipop from Little Rock and popped it in his own, before getting her another one.

Sharing germs when you were positive the other didn't have any kind of virus, especially the z-virus, didn't bother any of them, even the high strung ex-college student who had been afraid of the rags they wiped down tables with. There were greater things to worry about at the end of the world, and with fewer humans it meant little chances for a disease to pop up and spread. Though there had been the one week where Tallahassee had managed to pick up a cold, Columbus catching it soon after. Little Rock and Wichita had been spared, thankfully.

But Columbus' statement made her think of a mom, and that seemed to fit him well. While Wichita made sure to focus on Little Rock's needs, even more than her own, Columbus tended to focus on everyone's as a whole. He worried for them all when there was any zombies, and memorized the ammo needed for their weapons and grabbed any he found. There had even been the one night where Tallahassee and Wichita had gotten drunk together, just drunk enough to think it a good idea to let Little Rock drink since the girl was twelve and it was the apocalypse anyway, leading Little Rock to think it was a wonderful idea to go for a midnight swim, but Columbus had none of that. He dragged the girl back in the house they had cleared out, locking her in the closet seeing as Wichita and Tallahassee were already out, then stayed up all night to keep watch, only to yell at Wichita and Tallahassee the next morning for being that stupid. It was extremely rare when Columbus got annoyed enough to raise his voice, even rarer for him to actually yell, and even rarer still for him to face off against Tallahassee without flinching or shaking like a teacup Chihuahua.

And it was only natural that Tallahassee was the father, then, wasn't it? The man had practically taken Little Rock under his wing, after all. Taught her how to shoot, taught her how to fish and hunt, even how to skin an animal and how to start a fire. While Wichita did sometimes butt heads with the stubborn Floridian even she loved and looked up to him, nearly impossible not to when he was a one man army bent on destroying any and all zombies he came within ten feet of. Like Columbus had said, the man grew on you. He put up a big front, but was just like any of them on the inside. Wichita had nearly gotten herself bit while not following Columbus' double tap rule, and once Tallahassee had been done with the zombie there hadn't been much left to say it had been a zombie at all.

Columbus was like the mom and Tallahassee was like the dad in their odd little group, the thought was laughable at best but it did inspire Wichita. Tallahassee did so love Twinkies, after all… And Columbus definitely looked like he could suck on something bigger than a lollipop. Wichita was no stranger to certain terminology, and Columbus fit the bill for a 'twink' perfectly appearance wise. Then he had that god awful yellow hoodie, which Wichita thought was hideous but was pretty close to a Twinkie color. It wasn't hard for her to admit she'd been a bit of a closet pervert back before the z-virus, and now she was stuck with her little sister and two men. Little Rock and anything sexual was just… ewe, no. That left poor Columbus, and now Tallahassee, to her musings, then.

Wichita smirked, "You always have a certain Twinkie with you if you need a last resort, Tally."

Tallahassee stopped in the middle of throwing something, blue eyes darting to Wichita and glaring at her. He hated that nickname, knew Wichita knew that, and he didn't much like what the girl was insinuating as she smirked at him before glancing over at Columbus. He glanced over too, Little Rock and Columbus coming to a stop at the end of the aisle they were standing in, both sucking on their lollipops, before upping his level of glare at her, indicating that he probably knew exactly what she was saying.

"Tallahassee, look what I found!" Columbus said, shifting the objects in his arm and grabbing the box Wichita hadn't been able to, revealing it to be a lone box of Twinkies. "They have, like, a week until they expire, too, probably some of the last ones."

Wichita had to bite her lip to keep from laughing, but Tallahassee seemed to either not care that the girl had referred to Columbus as a Twinkie earlier, or just forget back of his happiness, rushing forward and grabbing the box from the ex-college student.

"This is why I keep you around, eh, Spitfuck?" Tallahassee laughed, slapping the younger man on the back a bit too hard for his liking. He shot Wichita another look, daring her to say anything, and she just grinned.