This fic was just for fun. I described this story to my friend a while ago. She couldn't stop laughing. I think it was the way I said it...
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. End of.
Albus Severus Potter sighed. Why did Dumbledore have to arrange a school assembly JUST as he was starting to win at chess? We'll if not winning, at least he wasn't losing, unlike usual. He trudged slowly in the general direction of the great hall. He had a stinking cold and Rose and Hugo were starting to get fed up with the smell, leaving him to walk alone.
He was the last one to reach the great hall, and the doors slammed shut behind him, which was slightly odd. He went and took his place at the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore stood up.
`I'm sorry to say that exposure to both magic and carrots have left the staff here with a disease that means we will soon lose our unicorn horns and battery hens. So we will destroy magic by locking you in here and setting the place on fire. Goodbye.'
And on that note, he promptly left the hall along with the other teachers, locking the doors and windows behind him. The students sat in stunned silence. A crackling was coming from the far side of the hall, and they saw a strange red glow that looked suspiciously like flames. Hugo was the first to speak.
'So what do we do?'
Albus walked over to the muggle safety instructions that had been put up in the hall a year earlier.
'Ah. In the event of fire: 1) Tell a member of staff.` Albus glanced around the hall. ` Well that one's out. 2) Leave the building` Albus glared at the fire safety poster, mentally threatening that if it didn't give some useful advice soon, he'd find some way to destroy the life of an inanimate object, and kill the stupid thing. `3) do not attempt to fight the fire yourself. WELL WHAT ARE WE SUPOSED TO DO THEN!' the other students looked on in silence. Albus' anger drained away. `Rose...? ` he asked hopefully.
'The poster is written in times new roman. I HATE times new roman. I therefore abhor everything that poster stands for!'
Everything was hopeless. They were all going to die.
At that moment, Voldermort's daughter flew in and saved the day with videogames!
'Dad, that's not a proper story! And why didn't they use their wands?'
'Because they had been taken in for servicing. Anyway, I tried my best'
'No you didn't '
'Oh well then. Goodnight'
'But...'
