A/N: My full-length script format parody of Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories is up on ArchiveOfOurOwn if anyone cares to leave the safety and comfort of this most beloved website where we're not allowed to free our souls anymore. Not that I'm bitter.

Disclaimer: I really don't think anyone at Square Enix or Disney even bothered to try figuring out how using cards in order to fight would work realistically when developing Chain of Memories, I know the manga didn't even bother with it outside of map cards. Also it's been a while since I've seen anything Yu-Gi-Oh!-related that doesn't involve an Abridged Series, I can't for the life of me remember how Duel Monsters worked. Oh and there's a Harry Potter reference. And no one was surprised.


Goofy suddenly appeared out of nowhere and, noticing that he was a card, tried to bounce in Sora's direction. Sora quickly picked him up and shoved him into his deck.

"Well at least we sort of know what we're doing by now," Goofy commented idly.

Suddenly Sora pulled out a Duel Disk out of the pockets that clearly had Undetectable Extension Charms on them and shoved it onto his arm.

"IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" he shouted.

Goofy facepalmed.

"Boy, I hope I actually get summoned this time!" cried Donald from inside the deck next to him.

"So do I!" said another Donald card.

"How are we even — Are we Horcruxes or what, what the hell's going on," said a third Donald card.

"I summon Crabclaw level seven! In attack mode!" shouted Sora, drawing a card. "Go, Crabclaw! Attack the Screwdiver's life points directly!"

Nothing happened. The Screwdiver just floated there in front of him.

"YO! Summon me already!" shouted Donald.

Sora looked down at his deck and saw that he had three Donald cards. Sighing, he formed a sleight, saying resignedly, "Donald, I choose you I guess."

Donald cheerfully popped into existence in front of him, used Curaga twice, and vanished again.

"…I WAS AT FULL HEALTH ALREADY, YOU FUCK. GOD, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING USELESS AT EVERYTHING." The Screwdiver then took the opportunity to bash Sora in the face. "FUCKING CHRIST, WHY IS THIS GAME GARBAGE."

"Yeah, I really can't figure out why everyone hates the card system so much," said Goofy sarcastically. He blinked. "…How the shit can I talk if I'm a fucking piece of paper."