Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of these characters.

I hope you like angst. And sadness. Set in an AU where Qasim survived but was in a coma (I have a thing for comas, apparently) for a few months after being shot.

Dear Qasim,

If you're reading this, it means you are awake. It also means I'm not there.

I don't know how it happened. Maybe it was a fire, or a car accident, or it's been seventy years and I've died of old age.

More probably, though, it happened while I was working.

I'm sorry. I wanted to say that first. I'm so, so sorry.

Also, I love you. I love you so much, Qasim. I wanted to be there when you woke up. I wanted to be the first thing you saw. I'm sorry I wasn't.

I hope I killed Chen. I hope he can never hurt you or anyone else again.

Something else I want you to know: The answer was yes. Yes, a thousand times.

I hope you never read this. I hope you wake up, and I'm there, and I burn this letter. I hope I can tell you yes in person. I hope we spend our lives together.

But if I'm not there, I wanted you to know that the months we had were the best months of my life.

I can't breathe when I'm not with you.

All my love,

Ellie

Ellie put the cap on her pen and read through her letter. She could feel her heart breaking as she imagined Qasim reading it, confused and alone, wondering what had happened to her. She hoped he would never have to, but if she wanted to find Chen and destroy him, she had to accept that she might lose her own life in the process, as Qasim almost had. She had a plan. A crazy, possibly deadly plan to find and kill Chen, that was about to go into effect. She closed the letter in an envelope pressed her lips against the seal. Then she stood and took a deep, shuddering breath. Qasim's heartbeat monitor beeped rhythmically as air was slowly forced in and out of his lungs via a breathing mask. Ellie quietly laid the sealed envelope on a small table next to Qasim's bed, then leaned over, pushing her hair out of her face, and pressed a kiss against Qasim's forehead, unable to reach his lips because of the mask that was keeping him alive.

"Good-bye, Qasim," Ellie murmured, still close to his face. "I hope it's not forever."

A/N: Hey friendly readers! I hope you like this. I literally wrote it while volunteering in a preschool classroom, sitting in a tiny chair, while the kids colored on either side of me. Please review!