A letter to all May's fan boys,

First thing to address is the obvious problem of your attraction to May. I agree, May is a beautiful young woman; I am aware of that. I am a guy to after all and I'm not oblivious. But for all of you, you should not be admiring her silky chocolate brown hair unless you know what a mess it is after she takes off her bandanna. You should not admire her gorgeous sapphire blue eyes unless you've seen them red and puffy with her tears. Don't admire her 'grace' unless you've seen her trip and fall over in front of you several times. That is MY job only, because I was the one to see all that. Don't call her sweet-natured until you see or feel the effects of her ferocious temper (I have several times when it's been directed at me). This attraction you have for May seems to be misguided. She's clumsy, messy, has anger issues and is a complete airhead (Which by the way is an insult under copyright of the Drew Hayden enterprises). She's obviously not the prime subject for your affections. So stop it!

There also seems to be a major problem in the way you try to attract May to yourself. These methods are all lame, cheesy, cliché and they won't get you anywhere!

First is the hair flick a lot of you have seem to have picked up. Not only is it extremely annoying, but I don't see where or why you've started this. It's not useful at all. All it does is make May mad. She even goes red in the face (though you might not notice because she turns away).

The next bad habit of yours is that irritating smirk. What makes you think smirking will make May attracted to you? That idea is both ridiculous and ludicrous. Let me tell you, smirking will get you nowhere.

And that stupid habit of giving May roses. It's completely cliché. Let me ask you, do you even know what the roses mean? The ones you give her vary anywhere from red to black. What kind of mixed messages are you trying to send her? It is a single red rose that means 'I love you' NOT 50 other blue roses or any other colour for that matter. But do not even think about giving May and single red rose. Tossing a red rose at May has been trademarked by the Drew Hayden enterprise. Back off boys!

And where do you get the nerve to tease and even insult May. You claim to love her, so why do you pick on her? It makes no sense! You should be showering her with compliments, not picking on her coordinating style.

Also, why are you so arrogant? It'll only serve to aggravate her with your self-centredness. Your overconfidence will get you a slap in the face at the rate you're going.

May does not want a possessive guy to be around her so quit trying to own her. Or more importantly- JUST BACK OFF BOYS, SHE'S MINE!

Neither does she want a guy with a crazy-Ooh look strawberries!-Ahem…Obsessions.

All things considered, you will never become May's boyfriend

Sincerely Drew Hayden (To be May's boyfriend)


May: *comes in waving a piece of paper in the air* DREW HAYDEN! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

Drew: *blushing*...uh...Sorry guys...I gotta go...uh...Post some letters *runs away*

Me: *shakes head* I'm sorry May. You've fallen in love with a complete idiot.

This was just a little fun humorous drabble to write. I was given the idea by a friend of mine (You know who you are ;P) so I had to do it.

Who would like to see Solidad's, Harley's and May's response to Drew's letter?