It was a cold evening in My apartment. I had just moved out of my moms house and I felt lonely. My scholarship to Rutgers university canceled when they discovered I had been arrested for drug possession. The drugs were the only thing keeping me sane. Keeping that mysterious voice out of my head. The voice of someone I had never met. The voice was a man. He never spoke of his name, but he knew mine. His words tortured me. It was agonizing, hearing this voice constantly, no indication of who he could possibly be. "I love you Frank." "We're meant for eachother." "Save me Frank." I didn't understand. It couldn't be real. How could I hear a voice of someone who I've not only never met, but never even been aware of. Was someone stalking me? Putting a spell on me, cursing me perhaps? This small town in New Jersey wasn't really known for Voodoo or, Hoodoo or anything like that. It wasn't known for anything really. I mean, there was some drug dealing and prostitution around but fuck, every town has its ups and downs.
But still I couldn't understand where it was coming from. Had I gone insane? The voices started when I was 15. Perhaps I had a injury? Or something that would have damaged me to the point of mental issues. But that still raises the question, how could I make up a voice of someone who wasn't real? I must have met this man at somepoint in my life. I searched and searched through my memories but nobody had the charming, beautiful voice of the man I could hear. I dreamt of him constantly, but never saw him. All I saw was a faceless being sitting in front of me. In a suit. It reminded me of The Slenderman, only I didn't feel threatened by this being. He sang to me. His voice carried the beauty of a thousand angels in me eyes. I felt comforted by his voice in my dreams. But I had nightmares too. Horrible nightmares of running through a building, nothing but the sound of the man's voice plagued my mind as I wandered mindlessly through the building, wanting nothing more than to escape from this bright white hell of a house. The words I heard from the man's mouth were so much different from the ones that haunted me every other time. "You're a monster." "You're nothing." "You're gonna die." "Worthless." The voice teased and taunted me, mocking me as I desperately tried to find a way out of this madness I had been cursed with. I decided to lay down on my bed, and try to sleep.
A scream. Who just screamed? It sounded like a man but, it was so shrill. Oh no, I'm in the white building again. Why won't it go away? Oh god, I'll never find my way out. It's the same every fucking time! This has to be a dream. This can't be real. The blood, so much blood....Where is it coming from? Oh god, I'm bleeding, it's coming from me, I'm bleeding! Someone help me! HELP! Somebody please! I curled into a ball on the floor, sobbing loudly as the white walls began to fade to red, blood pouring from the ceilings, onto the floor and onto me. The walls seemed to close in on me as I prayed for help. The screaming is back, it won't stop. God why won't it stop? It's, it's him! The one who sings, he's screaming! Where is he? Why is he screaming? What do I do? Should I save him? Where is he?! GOD JUST PLEASE STOP SCREAMING!
I woke in my bed, sweating. My clothes clung to my body as I recovered from the re-occuring nightmare. It seems like no matter how many times I have it, the shock never ceases.
"What's wrong with me?!" I cried to god, screaming for an answer. "Nothing sweetheart." The man said again. "STOP IT! YOU'RE NOT REAL! YOU'RE JUST IN MY HEAD!" I screamed. Digging my nails into my arms, hugging myself. The voice chuckled. "Oh Frankie. If I was just in your head don't you think you could stop it? After all that would mean you created me, therefore you could stop me." The man argued. I was confused. How could I stop the voice? Was it more than just a figment of my imagination? I felt alone. I picked up the phone and called my friend Ray.
"Hello?"
"Hey Ray. It's Frank. Are you busy?" I asked, still choked up. I was still crying, but not sobbing as wildly as I was before.
"Um, not really. What's wrong?." Ray asked worriedly. He could hear the struggle in my voice. It was difficult for me to talk at that moment, under the circumstances.
"Just, can you can over? If not I understand. I just, I could use the company."
"Yeah of course. I'll be there in a little. I'm just a little caught up but it shouldn't take long. Sorry about, whatever's wrong man."
"Thank you. And it's not your fault." I said, hanging up. The voice was back now.
"Why do you want him over Frank?"
"Fuck off."
"That's not very nice Frankie."
"And stop calling me that!"
"But you are my Frankie. I love you Frankie. I love everything about you." The voice was growing louder.
"Stop it"
"I love your smile, altough I hardly ever see it." The voice said sadly.
"Leave me alone!" I turned and buried my head into my pillows. But covering my ears only angered the voices, and they became louder.
"I love your beautiful eyes. And your voice. It's so, sweet and angelic." It was practically screaming in my ears, even though the man was speaking in a whisper. It was all I could hear.
"STOP IT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"NO!" The man screamed back. I rose from my bed and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door for some strange reason. Perhaps I thought it would keep the voices out. If so I was wrong.
The man went on about how much he loved me, screaming it in my ears. I sat in a fetal position for minutes, sobbing into my knees.
Finally I lost it. I grabbed a razor from the mirror cabinet and smashed it against the door. It shattered and the razors spread across the floor along with the broken pieces of plastic.
"Fuck." I said as one of the razor I reached for cut my finger.
"You gonna kill yourself Frankie? Is that what you're gonna do?"
"Fuck off!" I yelled as I sliced the first cut onto my arm. It hurt. I had done it before but I didn't remember it hurting this much. I didn't care, because I knew the pain wouldn't last long, Or so I thought. I cut a second time into my wrist, then third, then finally straight down. I heard yelling as I faded to black. I couldn't quite understand it, but I knew it was the man who always spoke to me, but never showed.
