I do not own anything except Agent Nerring. It's a bit AU since we all love Deeks for sticking with the LAPD despite their unwarrented dislike/hatred of him.


"Do you love Kensi Blye?"

The question of the decade. It had been the question Deeks had been grappling with since he had become partners with the skilled agent, and Kensi had had her own conflicted feelings for almost as long. It was the question Deeks would have gladly answered if it had been asked by a certain brunette with mix-matched eyes.

But it was Tom Nerring from LAPD Internal Affairs across the table, and Kensi was in OPS with the rest of the team, all ignorant of the interrogation going on just a few rooms away.

After nearly an hour with Agent Nerring, that question nearly broke Deeks into answering truthfully.

Deeks sat back in his chair, maintaining a cool exterior while trying to tame the raging storm inside of him. "I'm not answering that question."

"Detective,"

"You said it yourself; the only reason you're here is because of my decision to leave the LAPD. I'm flattered about this interrogation, really. I know you all love me over there and I more than expected you all to mourn your loss for a week or so, but I think this is a bit much."

"And I'm trying to determine if your ability to make this decision has been compromised."

Deeks smirked. "You don't think I'm all 'right in the head' to make my own choices? 'Cause in all honesty, I think you would be more successful declaring a mirror to be incompetant."

Agent Nerring's brown eyes flicked with anger. One could tell that the dark haired Agent was not used to dealing with personal insults. He needed another approach. Agent Nerring casually flipped through Deeks's file before finally settling on one. "Tell me about Afghanistan."

Deeks shrugged as his heart raced. "What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me about your part in the recovery of Agent Blye."

Bright, painful memories flashed through Deeks's mind. "I was put in charge of interrogating a Muslim cleric, Mulla Muhammad."

The slight waver in his voice was slight, but Agent Nerring picked it up. "While your other two team members, Agents Callen and Hanna, left to look for Agent Blye?"

"Correct."

"Why weren't you the one to look for your partner?"

The same question Deeks had asked when Sam had first made the request. The answer sent a shot of guilt through his veins. "We needed to have someone find out how the cleric was tied to the Taliban that took Ke-Agent Blye. In the end, it turned out that the cleric was a valuable hostage. The rescue might never have happened if someone hadn't stayed."

"Was the cleric, Mulla Muhammad, cooperative?"

Flashes of the blind priest made Deeks clench his fists under the table. The man was far from innocent, but he hadn't deserved what Deeks had done to him. "No."

"Then how did you persuade him to tell you that he was the father of a high ranking Taliban member?"

"His passion for refusing to give any information about the Taliban told Sergeant Makar and I that he probably had a close, family tie. I mean, the guy was blind and living in a dump. It wasn't like he was getting sent loads of money for secrecy or anything."

"So you made an assumption?"

Deeks managed a smile. "I'm quite gifted at making assumptions if I do say so myself. Are you gifted at anything other than asking dumb questions?"

Agent Nerring sat back in his chair, biting his inner cheek to hold back a retort. "You said it was his passion that you derived the assumption from."

"Have you been listening to me at all?"

"What made him act so passionately?"

For a horrible moment, Deeks froze. He knew the answer, but he could never admit it. Nobody on the planet knew what he had done to the priest other than Sergeant Makar. Not even Kensi. "It was the way he refused to reveal any information."

"Anyone can refuse to answer a question Detective. That doesn't mean anything other than that the suspect is invested in the subject." Agent Nerring pointed out. "What made him act so passionately?"

"We cooked food in front of him." Deeks blurted. "It had been hours since he had eaten and we-I made food to try to convince him to talk."

"Doesn't that sound a little like torture?"

"I know torture Agent Nerring. You can look in your file and see that I have the dental records to prove it." Deeks snapped.

"So it was just the food then?"

"Yes."

...No.

Deeks remembered Afghanistan like it had happened five minutes ago; looking at the picture of Kensi with her throat slit, eyes closed. Hetty's words echoed in his mind. "Agent Callen has sent us a photograph of Agent Blye that appears...as if she's been killed." Everything was a blur after that. All he could remember was the rage and guilty streaming through his body, knowing that he was the reason she had been sent away in the first place.

If he hadn't made that dinner reservation, if he hadn't have asked her out for "tacos", if he hadn't followed her home... Hetty wouldn't have felt the need to separate them for gettting too close.

It was if he had watched someone else scream at the blind man, punch him to the ground, put a gun to his head, and waterboard him. All Deeks felt was the need for revenge.

He had returned to his senses only after the water was almost all poured down the cleric's throat. Because he realized that he was becoming his father.

Agent Nerring leaned forward. "So how far would you have gone, hypothetically, to get answers from Mulla Muhammad if cooking the food hadn't worked? How far would you have gone to get your partner back?"

"I can't answer that."

"Why not?"

"Because it never went further."

"Really?"

"I have morals." Deeks nearly winced at the statement- the same one he had made when he had first entered Afghanistan. But Agent Nerring seemed convinced at the conviction in his voice. "I can't tell you exactly how far I could have gone without it actually happening."

Agent Nerring nodded, jotting his response down on some paper.

But the real question was; if he could go back, would Deeks do it again? Deep down, Deeks feared that the answer could be yes.

"All right," Agent Nerring said, shuffling the papers together. "Now let's talk about Agent Talia Del Campo."


I really thought that Deeks's own decisions during Spoils of War had to be addressed- they were almost as important as Kensi's since we all got the answer to that question "how far would he go?" That was pretty dang far and that picture scene almost broke my heart!