A/N: I know, I know. Another story... lol Thanks for the prompt Belle!

Broken

Jay POV

"Hope Lissa didn't corner you about being a bachelor."

"No, it's all good." Humor laces my voice, brushing the comment off feeling only a fleck of guilt when my mind turns to Erin.

"You got any plans for all that?" He pushes on as I adjust my bulletproof vest.

"One day."

"What? With the right woman?" He jokes shoving my shoulder.

"Oh, her I've found. Just not there at the marriage step yet." A smile crosses my face as I think of Erin.

"You're seeing someone?" He raises an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah, her names Erin. We work together." The smile grows when I picture her beautiful smile.

"Hopefully I can meet her."

"Yeah man."

"Two hundred and sixty three thousand." Our attention is pulled to Brianna as she zips the bag up, dropping it to the floor.

"Let's roll."

We follow her out to the vehicle; hearing her greet the driver before turning to approach me.

"Here, you're the only with the safety deposit box key." She reaches up to place it around my neck; my posture is rigid and professional.

"I don't know what you're doing for dinner later, but if you want, we can do Maestro's." Hope fills her gaze as she looks up at me.

"Um, I have a-" She cuts me off quickly, an awkward chuckle slipping through my lips when she does.

"Its just dinner. I'm going through a complicated divorce, so we can keep it simple."

"Sorry, I have someone waiting for me." My small smile letting her down gently, the rise of my shoulders in a gentle shrug indicating there isn't anything she can say to change my answer.

We strap ourselves in the car, pulling out quickly to follow the planned route to the bank. Terry and I put our military training to good use, scanning outside the windows on high alert.

"Playing hard to get with the boss lady hey?"

"Shut up man." I laugh, sparing him a glance.

"He actually has a girlfriend apparently. Go figure." A laugh falls through my lips at Terry.

"Yeah and somebody actually married you. It's all a mystery."


Silence.

The car is consumed with this as Al drives us back to the district; my eyes are blank as they stare out the window. A quiet storm is raging internally, a promise to find the men responsible and make them pay.

The silence is loud, almost deafening, the gunshots still ringing in my ears. I blink back the recent memory, trying to push it into the corners of my mind.

I promise to deal with the pain and guilt later; I know I won't.

My eyes drop to my hands, balled in fists on my knees. The blood on my hands, only highlighting the guilt surging through my veins.

The quietness is such a contrast to the chaotic events, driving me to reach forward and forcefully turn the radio on. Any sound is better than the quietness.

Quietness is death.


Erin POV

On the outside I may appear calm, but on the inside I'm torn up. The second the call came over the scanner my heart dropped, the moment Hank said the two words I craved to hear my heart rate increased.

Jay's okay.

It was a long five minutes between these events.

Except I know he's not okay, he can't be.

I'm impatiently waiting at the bottom of the stairs, eyes glued to the floor as I thank whatever god is listening that Jay's coming home to me today.

The same thoughts of blessing and happiness are tainted by the sorrow of Terry being shot. Guilt eats at me when I associate this misery with being thankful Jay wasn't.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when the door opens loudly; my face softens at the sight of Jay.

"I heard on the scanner." I close the distance between us, pulling him in. My eyes close briefly, needing to savor the moment. His scent invades my sense and it's a reminder that he's here, with me.

"Erin, I'm okay." Pain and anger are clear on his face, contradicting his words.

My eyes trail over his jacket, the blood stains landing heavy on my heart.

"Is there word from Med, on Terry?" His eyes are blue pools of guilt.

"Not yet." My words are quiet, almost wishing I could keep it a secret.


I'm waiting by Jay's desk when he exits Hanks office, wearing the determined frown of a man who fought his way onto the case.

"Jay." I call quietly, his wild eyes turning me.

"I'm okay Erin." I ignore his lie for now.

"I got another jacket from my car." I place it on the back of his chair; thankful he left it in there the other night after a date.

Realization crosses his features, his frown lines softening in gratitude.

My hands gently reach up, helping him out of the jacket and folding the blood stains inwards so he doesn't have to look at them anymore.

"Come on." I whisper as I grab his hand, entwining ours together.

"We need to get started on the case."

"Let the others get up to speed." I'm tender as I pull him towards the locker room; his posture is stiff as he stands by the sink.

The jacket drops to the bench before my hands finds Jay's shoulders, gently pushing him down.

He's searching my eyes before he finally sits, something in my gaze must illicit his consent.

I get to work lightly wiping the blood from his hands, face and neck.

With each passing moment of silence, his façade seems to be fracturing. Sensing his need to bury his emotions and work the case, I hum quietly.

His posture relaxes slightly; resolve finding itself filling his gaze.

"Step by step." I whisper before softly kissing his forehead.


"What'd you say to Jay?" I cross my arms, cornering Hank when we're alone.

"When?"

"Today, Hank. You said something." My hazel eyes are glaring, rage edging it's way in.

"I say a lot."

"I'm not in the mood Hank. What did you say?" My voice has lost it's cool, angry impatience all that remains.

"I asked him a question."

"Which would be?" I raise an eyebrow.

"You saw him with his boss." Hank shrugs as if that answers my question.

"That's not a question." I fire back.

"Fine, I asked if he was sleeping with his boss." I scoff loudly at Hank, mind cast back to interviewing the husband.

Brianna wanting to sleep with Jay is miles from him participating in any of it, I trust him completely with both my life and heart.

"You can't be serious." He just nods at me, angry tears well in my eyes.

"First, you're treating him like he can't possibly make a decision with his grief, given the personal nature of this… yet, you always run point on your vendettas. But to actually ask my boyfriend if he's cheating on me… when he just lost his fucking friend. That's a new low Hank. Jay would never cheat on me. And even if he was, it has nothing to do with this. Back off." I spin around, unable to lock gazes with him anymore.

"I'm just looking out for ya Kid."

"That's not the way. I've been silent today, usually so loyal I take your side… but today I was unable to find my voice to do that. So I stayed quiet… when I should have had Jay's back. It won't happen again."


I let myself into Jay's apartment, my feet soft on his floor as they carry me over to his bedroom.

"Hey." I whisper quietly watching him straighten his military uniform.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" I move forward, my arms wrapping around him from behind.

"Terry's funeral. Where else would I be?" I move to stand in front of him, my fingers come up to smooth out his jacket.

His eyes tell me everything he can't right now; I lean up to softly kiss his lips.

"Come on." I offer him my hand; he takes it gently before letting me lead him from the apartment.


"Lissa." Jay struggles to greet Terry's wife, as she pulls him in for a hug.

"Thanks for coming Jay, it meant a lot."

"Of course. If there's anything I can do, just ask." I'm watching the pain and unimaginable grief on her face, causing my heart to break.

"Thank you." She whispers before looking over at me.

"This is Erin, my girlfriend." Lissa seems surprised for a moment, before bringing me into her arms.

"I'm sorry for your loss, it was a lovely service." I hold her while she cries, my eyes finding Jay over her shoulder watching as he struggles to compose himself.

Part of me wonders if I'm glimpsing at the Jay who attended too many funerals for his fellow soldiers.

Lost too many friends without even a goodbye.

"Let me know if I can do anything at all okay? We're always around." Lissa nods into my shoulder.


My eyes are blankly watching the TV, my phone tight in my hand waiting for the buzz signaling a text.

After the funeral Jay went to meet up with Mouse and Dr Choi, surrounding himself with those who deeply understand his suffering.

Before we parted ways I asked him to text me when he was finished, pleaded for him to spend the night, leaving a kiss on his lips before letting him go.

I jump at the vibrating in my hand, sitting forward on the couch to read Jay's text.

Leaving Molly's now. Heading to see Hank at the district then I'll be home.

My heart swells when my eyes take in his last word, a small sign of hope coming from the tragedy.

Jay referring to my apartment as home feels right somehow, like something falling into place.

Unsure of what Hank and Jay will be discussing I make the decision to slip shoes on and meet Jay down at the district.

I won't be silent any longer.


I arrive just in time to see Jay disappear into the locker room; I follow quickly but quietly.

I'm stood in the doorway as he approaches the sink; his eyes catch his gaze in the mirror.

It's a brief look, a mass of emotions flashing across his tired face. He looks away, seemingly unable to look himself in the eye without feeling the guilt, placing the blame on himself.

He falls back against the wall for support; I blink shocked when I see the tears running down his face.

My feet move towards him when his legs give way, he slides to the floor sobbing loudly.

He cradles his forehead with his hand before dropping it down into his arm.

"Jay." I whisper, my hands softly landing on his shaking back.

His body jumps as if I've shocked him, before he goes stiff beneath my hands. His blue eyes are red and wet with grief when he looks up, choking back tears.

"Erin, I'm okay." He's gasping between words, tears spring to my eyes.

"You're not, baby." I drop to my knees from my crouched position, wrapping him in my embrace.

It takes a few moments for him to melt into my arms, his head digging into my chest as he lets his suffering out.

My fingers gently brush through his hair as I hold him tight; my chin resting on his head as I blink back my tears, resolving myself to be strong for him.

My heart is shattering with every echo of a sob, pieces falling down into my stomach and leaving a heaviness behind.

"I've got you."

"It's all my fault." I inhale deeply through my nose, beginning to lose the battle with my tears.

"No babe, it's not. The only people to blame are the assholes involved. You did everything you could." My voice is husky, quiet but determined.

"I wish it were me." His words seem to fall out in a moment of haze; his body stiffens when he realizes who he said them too.

Tears are now falling fast down my face, a gaping hole in my chest.

"Jay, don't say that." My voice is forceful, fear invading every crevice of my body.

"I do." He shrugs gently, giving up with the pretense of pretending he's okay.

My body shakes with every sob racking his body, my shirt soaked with tears.

I don't loosen my arms until the sobs calm and his tears trickle away.

My hands cup his cheeks, thumbs running over his scruff and swiping the moisture away.

"Terry wouldn't want that." I'm pleading with him, a shake to my voice.

"His wife is pregnant Erin." Jay tries to shrug out of my grasp, I hold tighter.

"You have me. If you had…" Tears continue to fall down my cheeks; his hands gently pull mine away from his face and drop them to his chest.

I sigh as I feel his beating heart beneath my hands.

His hands cup my cheeks; my eyes close as I lean into them as he wipes the tears away.

"It's horrible and sad Jay, but trading places with him wouldn't fix the pain for anyone involved. I can't lose you… don't say that again. Please."

"Why do I keep making it out?" His words fall from his lips in a broken whisper.

The way his eyes look behind me, I know he's not asking me.

He's asking the universe, the universe replies with silence.

"Let's get you home." He allows me to pull him to his feet, my hand entwining with his as we walk side by side out of the district, the pain never leaving us.

A/N: Let me know your thoughts, there is a part 2 but it's 1am and I really need sleep.

I'll try really hard to finish this and Finding Comfort in You tomorrow night, okay? haha

Review :)