Run.

Run away.

What good has that done?

no, its not forever, but until I heal.

Completely.

Even with what I have in my possession, will it be good enough?

Will she understand?

Ooh, this wasn't supposed to happen!

How can she look at me and feel the same way when I proposed?

Even if everything goes back to normal…I won't be surprised if she wants to call it off.

I left her in the cold for so long – she can hate me to the moon and back and it would be justified.

it shouldn't end like this, though.

I still have my mind, my ambitions…in a different form.

And in this form, I'm afraid I won't be taken seriously.

How will outsiders treat us? Treat me?

It's not supposed to be cute – it should be passionate.

What has weighed on me for so long needs to be lifted from me.

So that any emotional speaking can be done with a calm mind, a clear heart.

I've been in hiding; I've not said one word to anyone outside of the fairy boy.

My parents, my closest allies…and again, her.

Anju.

My love. My life.

Please take what I have – all of what I have to offer now – and accept.

Maybe I'll return to normal…but it doesn't erase what occurred.

It can't bring back time. It can't create false memories.

The only thing time will bring is peace.

Peace – what is severely lacking and what needs to be achieved.

Peace of mind, peace of…everything.

May what I bring…be everything…for now.

May I begin to heal…sometime soon.

Let the healing be easy, and let me burden the struggles.

Nobody else deserves to go through what I went through.

I am here…it is now or never…

One deep breath and turn the knob – what lies ahead will write itself.

And eventually, everything will end.

In due time.


A/N - ...it's been a real, long while since doing this...

I'm not the nineteen-year-old that once dreamt of making it huge on FFN. Now, I'm a realistic 26-year-old that is struggling in the real world – so much so that a hobby of mine is always in the rear-view mirror.

I suffer greatly from figuring out who I am supposed to be in this crazy life. I am someone that looks for purpose; without it, what's the point of living? I thought I had one, but what transpired recently has me in a fog – very hazy, unclear of what lies ahead.

I have my ups and downs, but my downs tend to take a severe turn. I am someone that suffers from having a brain that is not normal, and because of that, I have bouts of depression that seeps out from me like weeds through concrete – stick out like a sore thumb, and no matter how much you tug to rid of it, it always finds a way to come back.

I wrote this on a whim, in best of describing my mind on a near daily basis.

All I ask, daily, is for understanding and peace of mind.

Thanks to all for reading - take care! :)