"It was all just a mistake. Just a stupid mistake," he says, and I can barely speak from fear. How can he be saying this? How can he take it all back?
I'd started that kiss all those weeks ago. It was me who leaned forward and covered his lips with mine and acted on all those things I'd been feeling after Mimi left. But then he didn't push away, he actually leaned into my touch, and it was his moan that broke that silence.
But now Mimi is back.
And the funny part is that I don't want her anymore. I will always love Mimi, but it's not the same kind of love it used to be. I don't want to kiss her, and even if I did I know her touch wouldn't set my skin on fire the same way it did. There's only one person who can do that now.
Yet now he's the one trying to push me away.
This can't be real, can it? I have to be dreaming. He can't just say that all this time was a mistake. He can't tell me he loves me and then take it back.
He can't have healed my heart only to break it again.
But now I see the tears in his eyes that he won't let fall, and I know that he's lying to me. He's as afraid as I am. He thinks that I might leave him now that she's come back, so he's leaving me. He's trying to save his own heart. He's putting those walls back up; the same walls that I helped bring down in the first place.
"I don't want her, Mark. I love you!" I say, my words made desperate by my shattered soul. He looks away, trying to keep his dignity and not give in to me.
"I'm going out for a while," he says.
When he leaves my legs crumple under my weight. I pull my legs up to my chest, my whole body aching from the pain in my heart.
How do I prove to him that he's all I could ever want or need? How do I show him that I'm not leaving?
So I do the one thing I've ever been good at; I pick up my guitar and write him a song.
The second I hear his footsteps on the stairs my heart leaps. When the door slides open I grab his hand before he can be ready for me. I pull him into my room and sit him on the bed and lock the door.
"Roger, what the fuck is going on?"
"All I'm asking you to do it listen," I say. I strum out a few chords, and I play him his song.
You're pushing me
back
But I pass right through you
I'm slippin' through your
cracks
I wanna get close to you
But you just won't let me
in
You're pullin' away
So my hands can't touch you
So you
can't feel my pain
And there's no secrets
Between you and
yesterday
How do I get through to you
How do I get through
to you
That there's no one in this world
Who wants you more
than I want you
You hide behind walls
From the one's that
love you
The one you fear you might fall for
And it's hard to
ignore
The error in your ways
How do I get through to
you
How do I get through to you
That there's no one in this
world
Who wants you more than I want you
You must be so
lonely
You must be so lonely without me
You must be so
lonely
You must be so lonely without me
How long must I
wait
For the sun to finally rise behind your eyes... or will you
throw it all away
How do I get through to you
How do I get
through to you
Cause there's no one in this world
Who wants you
more than I want you
After I pluck out the last few notes I keep my eyes down. I'm so afraid of what his reaction will be.
But it turns out that I don't have to look up. Before I even realize that he's moved closer, he takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger and pulls me to him, kissing me.
And it sets my skin on fire.
