Disney owns, not I. Unless my name is Disney! Which it isn't.
Perhaps it was music, the pulsating beat like an older man having an heart attack his blood rushing at a last attempt to save it self; or was it the quick flashing neon lights that when looked directly at left you feeling blinded? Or it could have been the five martini all with little crushed ice that quickly raced through my veins where it settled a top of my brain seizing all well organized and mature thoughts. Just way life was when I was 19. I never thought I'd return to that, never wanted to.
He asked me to dance smiling sheepishly as he kept on begging after the no's I handed to him after sips from glass. To get him to shut up ad leave me alone I said yes and before I could think he reached for my hand and dragged me to the dance floor. The dance floor where I was out of place, where I felt subconscious around the teenage and young adult hormones, convinced all were staring at me.
"Relax Molly." he whispered, rather yelled in my ear through the music the difference between the two couldn't be known. I had nodded and as we found an empty spot on the floor without bumping into too may people we started to dance, I kept my eyes locked into his. Perhaps that was the mistake I had made above all others. I discovered lust, passion that I could tell he was trying to keep hidden from me and I suppose himself as well. It was still there. Even when I wanted to look away I couldn't - I someway liked the feeling and knowing I was wanted by someone.
As I was knocked hard in the back by the guy dancing behind I bumped right into Carey, it was strange I didn't think we could have stood any closer but I suppose I had been wrong. I should have stepped back or at least dropped my eyes down, all that is a mute point now. Instead I titled my head up a touch and passionately captured his lips into mine, this kiss was life and without it I felt I would die so I savored life as long as I could. I had felt him return the kiss, felt his reach the small of my back caressing me and pushing me into him. I had knew others were watching, perhaps whispering or worse getting turned on and with that knowledge I removed my tongue fro his mouth. Than I locked into his eyes again.
"Come with me." I said hoarsely and that time I lead him off the dance floor, down the corridor surprising absent of people and secluded in a rater dark corner. There little was said, perhaps nothing was said at all, but we knew what we wanted or what we needed. Pressed against the wall with broken nail ramming into the back of my calf I found myself getting fucked by Carey Bell. The tiny part of me not infected by the alcohol and other stimulants was trying to scream to get me to run, I quickly silenced it as he bite my neck.
It didn't last long, seeing our placement it couldn't and we both understood that. As we were readjusting our clothes I couldn't help to notice he was no longer looking at me. Was he ashamed of himself, me or the both of us? I was scared to ask. Staying silent we rejoin the public of the club as he mutters something about getting a drink and he disappeared towards the crowd surrounding the bar. As for myself... I threw up as if a four year old after five too many fudge icles. I had begun to cry for reasons unknown and stumbled my way out of the club and walked the three and half blocks to the tour bus. I somewhat recall the door opening and Carey dragging himself in an hour plus later. Than I listened with my head in the pillow to him throwing up just as I had.
The following morning and afternoon I could barely function, didn't want to think, didn't want to be alive and I could tell he felt the same as I. Our ignorance of each other lingered on all day, he found any excuse or reason to leave. Even the most tidiest and boring tasks he jumped at the opportunity. It was for the best. I shouldn't have done what I did to him. I was in control that night.
"What are you thinking?" I had finally asked him as he packed up his guitar after the gig, we were the only ones left in the room.
"Nothing, um sorry about messing up the chords in New Math." He missed up? I don't recall that.
"It's fine, but seriously Carey what's going on?" As much as I feared the answered I feared no knowing the answer more. I watched him race his fingers through his beautiful, soft hair - stop it Molly I yelled at myself.
"Trying to keep myself from being hurt."
"Hurt? What are you talking about Carey?"
"Look Molly I am in love with you, don't you understand that? Isn't it obvious? I know I can't have you. Least not the way I want you. Last night was great thanks by the way, still I know it was one in a million event. I have to accept that. Okay?" I did know he loved me rather I had suspected as the words feel from his lips into my heart I had felt myself starting tear up. He noticed them and crossed the room in a three steps to stand right in front of me, an emotion unreadable in his eyes.
"I don't want that to be it Carey. Foolish as I know it sounds I want you. You have awoken a desire and lust for life I thought was gone forever. I refuse to let that beast go. So you can't walk away from this." I leaned forward and again captured him in a kiss. This time I had no music or lights to blame. Only my raw emotions.
