Summary: "And that's the thing with him. It's no use trying to hide what you are because Sherlock sees right through everyone and everything in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things." Scenarios in which Sherlock is utterly oblivious.
Rating: Mostly K/K+, but T just to be safe. Maybe even a couple M chapters later on?
Disclaimer: BBC Sherlock and all characters from the programme belong to Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss.
Chapter 1: Zebras
"Remind me why we're here, John?"
Sherlock really didn't see the need for outings that weren't related to a case unless they were absolutely necessary; And going to the zoo with his flatmate John Watson was most definitely not listed in the 'absolutely necessary' category. Yet, here they were because please, Sherlock, just this once and they are non-refundable tickets, Sherlock and Sherlock, I never ask anything of you! Sherlock had walked past John and into the awaiting cab downstairs at that point just to shut him up.
John sighed, "You know why. Don't make me say-"
"Jeanette couldn't make it. Well, I say 'couldn't make it'. She obviously stood you up and ran back to her ex-boyfriend when he proposed to her last night after your date. Stupid girl, he's leaving to Spain next week to be with his second wife," He paused and shrugged his shoulders, "No matter. She was boring anyways, John."
John pursed his lips, "Her name was Stacy."
"Right, right- the secretary! Jeanette was the school teacher."
"Right," John muttered, stuffing his hands into his pockets, "Where to next?"
Sherlock rolled his eyes pointedly, "How should I know? I've never stepped foot in a zoo before."
"Really? Never?" He knew he shouldn't be surprised by this, for Sherlock did not have the average mentality as your typical child, but Mycroft had said he had wanted to be a pirate at some point, so just how not-normal could he really have been?
"Never," He replied curtly.
They kept walking in silence, and every now and then John would see Sherlock's eyes flicker towards the gorillas or the monkeys, obviously fascinated, but obviously hiding the fascination. John truly hoped that inside his brilliant mind he was staring in awe and not just attempting to deduce every action the animals made. Ah, the banana was slightly green, so the mountain gorilla was having an affair. Oh, he scratched his arse, so of course the other primate stole the tire...
Sherlock made a sudden huff and shook his head.
"Something the matter?"
The taller man pointed a gloved finger at the sign that directed towards the zebras, "Really, John? You're lucky enough I agreed to come to this vile tourist destination- don't try to force me upon the children's section."
John knitted his eyebrows together, unsure of how to answer, "I'm sorry?" he asked instead.
"The 'zebras', John."
"What about them?"
"Oh, please."
"Sherlock, I really don't know what you're trying to get at."
"Honestly John, I'm not that 'spectacularly ignorant', as you so kindly put it," he spat, "What's next? Unicorns? Hippogriffs? Daleks?"
John tried to keep his laughter at bay, really he did, but try as he might it did not stop the continuous ripples of laughter that lasted long after they left the London Zoo. Even when Sherlock had promptly stomped off in embarrassment and John had to have employees call his name on the monitors as if he were a lost child, he still couldn't help but giggle to himself. He smiled the entire cab ride home, and smiled as he let an angered Sherlock Holmes into their flat. Smiled when he fixed themselves tea and Jammie Dodgers, and smiled when Sherlock simply turned his back to John, positively pouting in his silk robe. Sherlock refused to speak to his blonde friend for the rest of the night, and played his violin loudly and out of tune to make John suffer- for it wasn't his fault that he had erased the fact that zebras were apparently not a mythical species.
