Disclaimer: Durarara! is not mine!
This is a role play fic written by both myself and Lolitalala. I write as Psyche and she writes as Tsugaru. :P I dont know what else to say so for now, please enjoy! XD
He wasn't exactly sure where everything had gone wrong. They were happy together, weren't they? We wanted to be together, didn't they? He loved him, didn't he? All questions he frequently asked himself, but he would never get an answer. He sat alone here in his room. Just lying on the floor, his arms stretched out wide as he gazed up at the ceiling, tracing random shapes with his eyes. Why did this happen? Tsugaru had always seemed rather aloof, as if he didn't really care for anyone, or anything, but he had said he loved him. And that's what Psyche believed. But now…it seemed like his entire world was falling apart, yet at the same time, he didn't quite feel upset. Shouldn't he feel angry that he was currently alone? That Tsugaru thought that they should take a 'break'? That maybe, Tsugaru never really loved him the way he said he did? Or that maybe, just maybe, Psyche didn't really love Tsugaru either? He didn't know.
Tsugaru had told himself repeatedly that once he had let the words out, the worst would be over. Unfortunately, he didn't count for the guilty feelings, the sudden urges to go see Psyche, little things such as the latter that used to make his day that little bit more tolerable. However, he still stuck by his decision. A break. Break. Usually, a break was like a cheap way of announcing a break up. In all honesty, Tsugaru didn't know whether this was the case or not. All he could do was sit, aimlessly stare forward, perched in the very middle of his four walls, and think. Even though he didn't want to even consider the alternative to his choice. But, boy was fragile, but this would at least prove one thing. Did Psyche care?
Psyche had no idea what to do from this point on. He just felt...empty. Never since those few words left Tsugaru's lips had he even thought of his so called "future". He had spent every minute of everyday with Tsugaru, and now that he wasnt here, what would he do?
He wandered around his kitchen, opened the refridgorator, closed it, and opened it again. Its not that he was looking for something in particular, he wasnt even hungry, but what else could he do? He couldnt even write a song now. The sudden separation between him and his 'lover', had thrown him into a complete writing block.
Everywhere he looked he saw Tsugaru.
Every song he heard reminded him of Tsugaru.
But why couldnt he say that he actually MISSED Tsugaru? He didnt feel sad, or lonely, or angry. He felt absolutely nothing. But, why?
Eventually, Tsugaru did get up, he got about as far as the shelf beside his door to pick up a stray stack of papers, seemingly the begging to a song he was going to write, a hell of a while ago. He stood there for a moment, blankly. Okay, inwardly, he must have been rather messed up. Inwardly, Tsugaru felt like a metal shell. He had all these feelings, all of this guilt and regret, however when it came down to the feelings he had towards Psyche, disregarding their situation in the first place, Tsugaru felt as stoic as he appeared on the outside. Maybe, it was because he was trying to suppress what he didn't want to suffice in the long run. But it sure didn't feel like a selfish shove away of his emotions. Tsugaru actually felt as though, well, he didn't feel.
"Weird," he muttered, backing away from the papers to open his door and tentatively step through. If he saw Psyche, he'd make up conversation. Like friends. Just being friends. Yep, this was definitely overly weird. Tsugaru didn't want to admit it, but he didn't even feel like himself anymore.
Author's note's:
This is my first role play fic and im very excited about posting it! please please please read and review! .
