AN: This is my first fic about Gaara, strangely enough considering he's one of my favourite characters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the title.

Summary: 'Lord Gaara, deep down inside, I must have always resented you.' Angst, Gaara-centric, no pairings.


All They Found Was Sand And Blood


How come only I am such a monster?

He doesn't know exactly what he is, only that he is, in some form, a monster. Incapable of being loved, cared for.

Gaara doesn't understand what he is. He doesn't understand how Yashamaru can love him, either, not after the death of his sister, Gaara's mother.

There are a lot of things he doesn't understand, but he accepts them anyway. Like the fact that he is a monster, that Yashamaru does love him and that the sand will always protect him, a lasting remnant of his mother's love for him.

Like now, as he feels the sand rising, protecting him from the sudden onslaught of kunai.

He turns, shocked, not anticipating an attack. What he finds is a Sand-nin, masked and with more kunai in his hands. Gaara can feel his blood boil in anger.

Why? Why me?

The sand moves at his will, blasting forward and slamming the Sand-nin against a wall. Gaara knows that it would have caused serious injuries, but he doesn't care. He wants to kill the other. That is, until he walks forward and sees the mask drop from the other's face.

Yashamaru…why?

He clutches his heart and screams in agony.

Why? Why would Yashamaru try to kill him? Yashamaru, who only a few hours ago said he loved Gaara…

This is just another thing Gaara doesn't understand. The idea of killing someone you love…he can't understand it.

"It was an order. I was ordered to assassinate you."

Gaara looks up at his carer, bleeding and broken, slumped against the wall. A tiny sliver of hope glimmers in his eyes.

"By your father, Kazekage-sama."

Gaara doesn't know why his father would want to kill him. After all, from what he has seen in the village, fathers loved their sons, were kind to them, didn't order them to be killed!

But still, the hope lingers because he cares more for Yashamaru, the one who cared for him, than his father, who merely tried to keep him content with gifts.

"Then you had no choice! It was all because of father!" Gaara smiles weakly, trembling, tears running down his face. He can't bear to see Yashamaru hurt like this, not by him.

"No."

The hope vanishes.

"Yes, I did receive Kazekage-sama's order, but I could have declined if I wanted to. Lord Gaara, deep down I must have always resented you."

Gaara's world crashes down. Yashamaru had lied to him, had lied about loving him.

"Your mother never wished to give birth to you. She was sacrificed for the village and died cursing it. Your mother named you Gaara, 'a demon who loves only himself'."

Gaara stops listening to Yashamaru. Everything he said was a lie. His mother never loved him, never wished to protect him. Yashamaru hated him, always had. Gaara didn't know what to think anymore.

"You were never loved!"

Never loved…Gaara could understand that, at least. He could understand hatred, he felt it for so many people and they all returned it. He could understand hate, because it was honest. Love was a lie, a lie to hide your hate for something. Love was nothing.

Yashamaru dies, the sand exploding, turning red as it mingles with blood. Gaara can barely contain his anger, and the sand forms a red tattoo on his forehead. Love.

Gaara understands now. He will love only himself, fight for only himself. He doesn't need anything more, doesn't need to love another. All he needs is himself.

Gaara vows, amongst the bloodied red sand, that he will never again love another, for as long as he lives.