A/N: This is collaboration project… sort of. This is first time writing a story around here, sooo hope you guys enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN SHAKE IT UP.
Dear future Mrs. H,
I'm writing this for you and only you. You will be the love of my life one day, and I feel like I should share with you who I was before we met. And what better way to do that than by writing you this letter.
I got the idea of writing you a letter from Marti one of the older ladies in my cooking class. You see, I'm in my senior year of college, and I currently live with my sister, Tinka and her boyfriend, Ty. I'm not a loser, I'm living with them by choice. So I decided to take a cooking class so I wouldn't be so lonely, and I could get out of the apartment more often.
Marti is one of my best friends in cooking class, and she has delightful sense of humor. She is totally the funniest sixty year old, I've ever met. But Marti is also very wise and she told me that she read online about a good way to kill time was to write a letter to someone and never send it. That way you could express your feelings towards the person better. So this is why I'm writing you this letter.
I feel like a good way to start this letter is by telling you about what happened to me yesterday. By the way I'm not only writing you about yesterday because I have nothing else to write about… who am I kidding? I am writing this letter about yesterday because I have nothing else to write about.
Well anyways, my day as usual started at five in the morning. I like to get an early start on the day. Also because it takes time to look as sparkly as I do. Besides, I like to take time to admire myself in the mirror. I'm not self-centered though. It's just for confidence, I like to accept who I am. I also like to go out in the streets and make fun of cloned assholes who think life is about being like others. So now back to the story, Baybee.
After I left my room, I went into the kitchen to get some cereal. The kitchen was a mess. I wouldn't usually would be bothered by the mess, but Ty was on kitchen duty and I wasn't going to make it easy for him to slack off. I have no clue why I'm talking about our kitchen, but I guess it has a purpose so I'll just keep on writing.
After two hours of being awake and comfortably watching T.V., Ty and Tinka finally woke up. I didn't like the fact that they shared a room, but it was for the best. I like having my own room and Ty snores. I don't see why my sister likes him. Not because Ty is a bad guy or anything, but because they're so different. I shouldn't judge though, they have been together for a long time now and I'm writing a pathetic letter to someone I might never meet. Anyways, let's not get off topic.
So right after Ty and Tinka came out, Ty quickly sat down and got the remote. I could've let it go. But hell no! That bastard wasn't changing the channel. At least not without a fight. So I punched him in the arm, and took the remote from him. Don't worry though, we do this everyday, it's like a tradition. He just smiled and tackled me to the ground. We wrestled for some time, and we broke many things, yep just a normal morning. At the end I won. I was really hoping to get back to watching my cartoons, but Tinka had already changed the channel and was happily watching Cake Boss. " Hey! I was watching my cartoons, Tinkabell!" I told her. " The mountain goat who leaves the mountain, gets it's head chopped off," she said, " That doesn't even make sense," I said, " I know, Tinka make a joke. But I'm still not changing the channel." Like that, we ended up watching Cake Boss. Tinka was always one step ahead.
The day continued, it was a pretty normal day actually. I thought it was going to be like that for the rest of the day, but Ty changed that.
After my cooking class, I got home and the first thing I saw was Ty and a shirtless Tinka making out in the couch. The old me would have punched the heck out Ty, but by now, this was a common thing to see. So instead I started clapping, that got their attention. Ty turned around to see who was clapping, when he saw me, he said, "Oh, it's just Gunther," and he went back to kissing Tinka. My Sister pushed him away, put her shirt back on and said, "We will finish this later." Ty was about to protest but one dirty look from Tinka, shut him up. " So, why back so early, dude?" Ty said, " I ran here," I responded. " Why? Wanted to watch free porn?" Ty said, Tinka threw a pillow at him. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and said, "Nah, just wanted to catch up on my sleep."
"Dude, I thought we were going to The Shop today, you can't cancel,"
"Why not?"
"Reasons,"
"Which are?"
"Dude, just come,"
"Nah, I'm good,"
"I'M THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF SWAGGY AWESOME, THOU WILL DO AS I COMMAND!"
"No."
"You have to,"
"Nope,"
"Is part of the Broship, you don't get a say in this,"
"You set me up with a girl, didn't you? You little bastard,"
"Great so you'll be there,"
"Yes, I will,"
"Awesome, don't forget to bring a lot of money,"
"Don't worry I got it covered,"
"You don't really have a choice."
Yeah I'm easy to convince, but what's the point of disagreeing? I like to take advantage of the opportunities. Besides after that, we all just ate dinner like a family. It was the only time of the day when we all got to laugh and throw food at each other's faces. Except for the mashed potatoes, those were for special occasions. Believe it or not this story is about to get crazier.
Dressed up in a more casual attire, Tinka, Ty and me headed to The Shop ( a hot wing restaurant with a bar, located in the basement of our apartment building.) When we got there, we sat down at the very back at our table. It was actually the crappiest table there, but we all loved sitting there for some reason. We ordered the usual and Ty started telling me about the girl he set me up with after our food and drinks arrived. "Okay so one thing you need to know about this girl, she's smoking hot! Way out of your league, but desperate enough to go out on a blind date, perfect for you dude." Something you should know is that, Ty was not the perfect match maker. He would always set me up with sluts, strippers, widows, cougars, or lunatics.
"Oh, so she's a slut?" I said, and that's when Tinka said,
"No…she's not a stripper," but then she mumbled, "Well at least not anymore,"
"She's one of Tinka's hot friends," Ty added. Yeah sometimes I really wonder what my sister sees in a guy like Ty, but oh well, love is love.
"Alrighty," I said., "I guess she doesn't sound so bad, she might even be the one," (She Wasn't)
"Yeah the one for the night, dude," Ty said, "The one that goes out with a bang! Dude," Tinka elbowed him and said, "Or the right one for you, Brother Twin." Tinka was better than Ty when it came to cheer me up about my love life. Mostly because Ty made go out and do some stupid shite that I would regret the next day. But I had to admit, the date didn't turn out that bad actually.
As she entered the shop, I fell in love. She had a perfect body, and a beautiful smile, she could turn on a guy easily. But then she opened her mouth and it sort of went downhill from then on. I'm not usually judgmental when it comes to the girls I date, but when a girl comes in and say, " Woe, when they told me this was a basement, I didn't think it would be under the ground, Ewww! Like no!" I decided that Ty was right about this one. So, I got drunk that night, which is why the date wasn't that bad. Being drunk, took away my attention from Marissa talking about the reasons she hated animals and why she only ate foods without any calorie thingies. I have to admit, it was a shame I wasn't listening because what she said was fascinating. Her boobs were also fascinating. I'm beginning to question if I should be this truthful in these letters. Anyways, that night did end up with a bang.
I'm pretty sure I will never see Marissa again. Mostly because later that night, Tinka slapped the hoe for some reason and she ran out dramatically and got run over by a guy and his bicycle. Good news is, her boobs are still fascinating. After that, I thanked Tinka and she just smiled. I don't know how Ty and her spend their night, but I do know that they never left me alone. I think I should be both worry and happy about that.
It was three in the morning, but we decided to cook something up because we are just that crazy. I don't remember what we cooked, or if we acted like complete idiots, or if Ty and Tinka had sex afterwards. All I remember is that I was happy around these two, I laughed a lot, Ty ate my candy and that we broke the TV. Which is what I want to remember. I want to remember the day we broke the TV, not the day I had sex with a girl named Marissa.
I'm a pretty lucky guy, which is why I'm sure that one day, I'll find you. And when I do. I'll invite you to our apartment. Beware though, I'm pretty sure mashed potatoes will end up in your face. But that just means that I like you very much, and you will always be welcomed in this sparkly family. This is the first of many, please don't ask me about this later,
Love,
Gunther.
A/N: Yeah this is the first of many letters. Not all the chapters will be letters though. Keep on Reading, if you want. Once we update of course.
