Note: I wrote this 2 years ago so it sucks, but since I don't like altering my finished works,you'll just have to deal with it (those of you who actually read this, anyway). And I don't own Final Fantasy VII (yeah, tell me somethin' I don't already know...)
Key:
' ' -thoughts
" " -talking
( ) - action
insert name here: -person doing the talking
It was about 5:45 am as Reno drove into the Shinra building parking deck, parked his motorcycle, and proceeded to drag him-self to work. The following night had not been nice to him as he started to recall just what had happened when he realized the elevators weren't on at this time in the morning. 'Floor 1 to floor 58, plenty of time to recall in between' Reno thought, then slowly turning he started to climb the steps.
Late last night (or maybe earlier this morning) when he got home from his mission of being Scarlet's personal body guard all he wanted to do was sleep. He had stepped into the apartment, kicked off his boots, took off his shirt and jacket and thrown them on the couch then when he entered his room, he threw off his pants and jumped in bed. The last thought he remembered having before he went to sleep was, 'Man I sure wouldn't mind guarding that body if it weren't for Scarlet's screwy laugh.'
He was having a dream, he knew it, and so far it had been a very good dream of him and Scarlet making out. Then she leaned close to his ear, she was going to whisper something sexy he just knew it. She pressed her lips to his ear, he was practically drooling all over himself, and that's when … she let out the biggest, most annoying laugh of hers, Reno had ever herd. It scared the shit out of him, so much so that he awoke … and noticed a sticky white substance was all over the green bed sheets. 'Ok. So I got something other than shit scared out of me; there's always the couch' He had only been asleep for half-an hour when he moved onto the couch where he had another 'nightmare' and had to move to the floor. 10 minutes later a week-old pizza box came crashing down on his head. By now he was thoroughly pissed. "GD DAMNIT, STUPID MOTHER FUCKIN' PIZZA BOX! That's it, what time is it? Only 2:17 am … fine then, it's too early to take a shower, so, God forbid, I'll do the laundry."
Not much later, Reno was sitting on top of a vibrating washer/dryer machine hoping it would bore him so much he'd go back to sleep, however it was doing just the opposite. The machine beeped to which he jumped off it, cursing all the way into the bathroom to take an icy cold shower at roughly 3:00 am. Upon leaving the bathroom he scrounged around for the pizza box he had cursed at earlier and unconsciously kicked half-way across the room. He ate what was left of the pizza, got his Turk uniform on, and walked out of the apartment.
'Yeah' Reno thought, 'That's what happened last night, and maybe why I look like I've got a bad hangover too.' He looked up at the door to his, Rude's, Elena's, and Tseng's joint office, then opened the door to be greeted by Tseng saying, "You're late again." He ignored it and drudged further into the offices. "Reno, it's 9:23 am; where the hell've you been!" Tseng shouted. "9:23? When I got here it was 5:45 … how-" Reno was cut off by Tseng questioning, "You took the stairs all the way up here?" Reno stares at Tseng and Tseng stares back as if to say, 'You really took the stairs up? – you are such a moron.' Elena walks in, looks at Reno then says, "You shouldn't be out getting drunk as a monkey and screwing any woman you can find when you know you've got to work the next morning, Reno." Reno turned around to set her straight. "Hey, I wasn't out doing the usual last night." "Could've fooled me; you look like you've got a bad hangover." "Well I don't … 'just couldn't get any sleep …" "Aww, poor Weno couldn't get any sweepy (giggles)."Elena's giggle sent a wave of headaches through his brain. "Uh, giggle like that again and I'll beat you with my shock stick." Getting in Reno's face Elena threatened, "I'll take your shock stick and shove it up your ass!" "Oh yeah? You try and I'll – I'll …" "You'll what-" taunted Elena, "-fall asleep?" Reno takes out his shock stick "You bitch!" and lunges at Elena, but Elena dodges him, grabs his shock stick, and then shoves it down Reno's pants. There was a 'Kazitt!' noise then Reno's hair did an imitation of a pissed off cat after which he promptly fell on the floor, eyes wide open, hair still poofy, and managed to mumble "Owawawaha …" before Tseng and Rude dragged him out of the office while Elena watched the shock stick's handle bob up and down in the front side of Reno's pants occasionally re-shocking him in the 'soft-spot'. Once the room was clear, Elena burst out laughing and rolled around on the floor.
"Ok, if you want me to do a physical on him you'll have to remove his pants." "Elena, would you mind leaving the room?" "Um, y-yes sir." Elena leaves the room. "So, what happened to him, Tseng?" "He and Elena had an argument and she shoved his shock stick down the front of his boxers." "Well I can see that. But what's up with the duct tape?" "Reassurance," answered Rude. Doctor does a double-take when she finds out Rude can talk. "What my friend means is, we plan to duct tape him to the table so he won't run away when you give him the physical." "Well now that that's done, you two may leave me with my patient." Tseng and Rude leave the room.
(Reno comes to) 'Where am I and why are my boxers and pants in that chair? turns head Hey you're that girl physician, but what's up with the latex glove?' "Hey, what are you about to-" latex glove snaps "Uh … Tseng … Rude. Elena, Rufus! Somebody, anybody; HELP ME!" Elena: "Tseng, do you really think this was necessary? I mean, to put Reno through that?" "If we didn't, he never would have gone to have one." Reno: "Owh, owh, owh, owh, owh, owh, owh!" "Reno quit squirming; you're only making this harder on you-self!" "How can I be making this harder on my-self if that's not meant to go there!" Rude: "Reno's having fun." Two men in white hospital coats drag a lifeless looking Reno into the hallway. Tseng: "Reno, are you alive?" "… I feel violated …" The physician steps out of the room and tells them, "I'm giving Reno the day off and putting him in one of the hospital rooms."
"Reno, we're visiting that new bar tonight, Rufus' treat. Elena's coming too." "So the rookie wants ta join in on the drinking? Well we'll show her how it's done, won't we Rude?" "Just stay away from Rufus; you know he's got a thing for you and he wants you while you're drunk." (gags) "Eh, don't remind me…"
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There you have it folks, the first chapter. Review if you feel like it. And if you think/feel my writing/story itself is a flaming-pile-of-dog-shit then TELL ME WHY. Thank you for you time.
