Personal note: Scene taken from Season 6 episode 3 of Buffy. It has been rewritten to be part of Buffy's memory from her perspective. It goes AU after that point mostly.
EPISODE 3: DEPRESSION
Two hour special!
Prologue: She's back!
Buffy was looking at her hands when she heard the door opened. It sounded so loud and she felt familiar tingles on her neck as she looked around to see where he was. Those tingles she knew them, they belonged to Spike. She asked, "What's that?"
Dawn replied, "It's okay. It's okay."
Buffy heard Spike's voice echo up the stairs shouting, "Dawn! Are you there?"
Dawn said to Buffy, "It, It's just Spike." Then she calls louder, "I'm here!"
Dawn leaves Buffy confused and alone in the bathroom. Why did Spike stay after her death? She would have figured he would have left Sunnydale having no reason to stay and she overheard Dawn and Spike talking, well yelling actually. "Thank God. You scared me half to death or more to death… You – I could kill you!"
Dawn replied, "Spike" but she heard Spike's voice cutting Dawn off, "I mean it. I could rip your head off one handed and drink from your brain stem."
She heard silence and she so much wanted to see Spike but she was nervous. She stopped at the top of the stairs and started to walk down them as Dawn gestured towards the top of the stairs, "Look."
She paused on the stairs but noticed Spike was looking at Dawn, "Yeah? I've seen the bloody bot before. Didn't think she'd patch up so…" Then he broke off looking up at Buffy and she met his eyes.
She continued down the stairs looking at him seeing such comfort in his eyes as well as pain and relief. She heard Dawn talking but couldn't focus on what she was saying and instead noticed she didn't even button up to look nice for Spike. She started to button up her shirt and then stopped clutching the top tightly as she heard Spike's voice whisper, "Her hands."
Buffy felt self-conscious not liking how they were noticing her hands. She had forgotten about the coffin for a few minutes until her hands were brought up. She hid them behind her back as she heard Dawn say quietly, "Um, I was gonna fix 'em. I don't know how they got like that."
Spike looked down as she looked down as well feeling very uncomfortable then he said, "I do. Clawed her way out of a coffin, that's how." He looked up at Buffy and Buffy felt his gaze on her so she met his eyes as he asked gently, "Isn't that right?"
Buffy nodded and said quietly feeling safe with Spike here, "Yeah. That's…what I had to do."
Spike nodded looking very sympathetic as he admitted softly, "Done it myself."
Spike was still looking at Buffy as though she were a dream come true. Everyone else earlier had looked at her as though she was wrong but Spike looked at her as though she was right. He shook his head as though trying to get his wits about him, "Um…we'll take care of you. Come here."
He put out his arm and carefully guided Buffy into the living room. As she was walking, she heard him say to Dawn, "Get some stuff, um mercurochrome, bandages."
She felt Spike following her into the living room. She sat down on the sofa as he sat down in front of her on the coffee table facing her. He took her hands in his and gently looked at them. He then met Buffy's gaze. She felt safe and finally home so she quietly asked him knowing he would tell her the truth, "How long was I gone?"
Holding her gaze still he replied, "147 days yesterday, uh...148 today." Then he smiled at her and continued, "'Cept today doesn't count, does it?"
Buffy didn't know what to say so she looked down as he looked down as well. She then looked up to meet his gaze as he quietly asked, "How long was it for you…where you were?"
She paused and then answered in a soft voice that made Spike even strain slightly to hear her, "Longer."
He nodded not saying a word as Dawn entered the room, "Got the stuff."
Just then the door busted open and the room was filled with loud noises. Spike let go of her hands and she felt empty and alone and very overwhelmed. She heard the door close and couldn't handle it. They were fighting and yelling and were all so loud. She couldn't make any sense out of anything, but she knew she wanted that calm feeling back she had just a few minutes ago. She really wanted to escape so she spoke up offering, "I'm fine."
'Everyone was staring at her so she tried to calm things over again so she could leave, "I'm gonna be fine. I remember, you brought me back."
Anya tried to ask her a question but she didn't want to answer it, so she replied, "I, I can't…"
The noise around her continued again and she couldn't get away form it. She wanted the safety again so she said, "I, I think I just wanna go sleep."
Tara and Willow talked among themselves and the only thing she did make out was the fact that Willow was smiling, "We got you out. We really did it."
Buffy didn't know what to say. She didn't want out but instead she repeated, "Tired."
Anya started rambling about hell but Buffy just wanted to get away. She turned towards Dawn hesitating for a moment, "My room is still…"
Dawn nodded understanding about the changes, "Yeah. Yes. It's your room."
Buffy went upstairs to escape.
Upstairs Buffy sat on her bed looking around her room. It was still her room but it just felt so wrong. She wanted to find that comfort again. She opened her window to sneak out as she heard voices. She listened closely as she heard Spike yell, "Willow knew there was a chance that she'd come back wrong. So wrong that you'd have….that she would have to get rid of what came back. And I wouldn't let her. If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let her. And that's why she shut me out."
She heard Xander's voice echo up to her ears, "What are you talking about? Willow wouldn't do that."
She heard Spike's sarcastic tone replying loudly, "Oh. Is that right?"
Xander's voice then echoed just as loudly, "Look. You're just covering. Don't tell me you aren't happy…Look me in the eyes and tell me when you saw Buffy alive, that wasn't that happiest moment of your entire existence."
She heard Spike respond quietly, "That's the thing about magic. There's always consequences."
She then heard the sound of a motorcycle driving away with a loud, "Always" being said from Spike's lips. She stood in front of the mirror staring blankly at her reflection thinking she had died and brought back so she shouldn't really have one. She was no different than any vampire. She had died and had to dig her way out of her own coffin and should be dead again.
She heard the sound of a door closing and jumped looking towards the hallway. She realized she had to get out of there fast before she had to talk to someone. Quietly Buffy escaped out of her window climbing down using the tree as she had done hundreds of times before and jumped as she reached the bottom. Buffy easily landed on her feet and then took off in a run towards Spike's crypt in the cemetery.
