A lil' backstory to this:

During the summer holidays, I was writing chapters for my fanfiction that I became so displeased with that I deleted it off FFN and now I'm currently rewriting the whole thing.

Anyway, this snippet here was chapter 42, but I realised it was nothing more than filler. However, I was reading over it again and I realised that it made me snort or giggle a few times, which is why I'm posting it here.

I've made a few edits- so enjoy!


"I swear to god, gutting the roofs- what am I?- Santa's little helper?!" Ben growled as he dumped the leaves down to Laughing Jack, who held out a black rubbish bag with a lollipop swirling in his mouth. "Did you get that, Goth McGee?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Laughing Jack frowned as he picked some leaves up and stuffed them in the bag. "I don't even know why I'm holding this bag- the ground's covered in leaves! If anything, we're just creating more rubbish to get rid of."

"That's what happens when you and your brothers look like overgrown sperm."

Laughing Jack snickered. "Do you want me to wet myself?"

"Well, the toilet hasn't moved."

Laughing Jack exploded into full laughter, having to grip his lollipop to stop from choking on it. He let go of the bag and leaned on his knee. Ben smiled as he finished cleaning out the remaining leaves, he watched them float to the bottom and stretched his back. He smirked to himself as he came up with another joke in his head- Slender being the type of suit-wearing son of a bitch to expect a full blown orchestra to play when he enters a room. Ben went to a drainpipe and descended, catching his breath when his foot slipped once or twice.

Sonic, Jane, Tails and Smile had ran off with the only ladder.

Below him, Jack had his arms extended to catch him. Ben called out for him to look out as he let go and dropped into Jack's arms. "Oh, Romeo!" Ben batted his eyelids. Laughing Jack rolled his eyes and dropped him. Ben brushed his tunic. "Okay, what's next on our chores list?"

Jack took out a white crumpled up sheet of paper and his eyes scanned over it as he ticked a box. "We gotta clean the ground floor windows and then clear the attic."

"Right, I'll go get vinegar and cloth. You stay here and make fashion poses." Ben went into the mansion and into the kitchen, ignoring the glares from Offender and Trender. He opened the cupboards, took out two spray bottles and filled them half with water and vinegar. He took two cloths outside as well and handed one pair to Laughing Jack. They went separate ways, Jack to the left and Ben to the right. He rolled his eyes when Offender stared at him through the first window. Ben stuck his tongue at him which made Offender bare his teeth. Ben sneered and screwed up his face, pretending to scratch his armpit while making monkey sounds. He snickered as Offender stood up and marched over to him, lifting up the window.

"Listen here y-" He hissed when Ben sprayed the water and vinegar at him, Offender spat it out and tried to wipe it off his teeth. Offender lunged at him. Ben gasped and slammed the window on his fingers. Offender yelped with pain and Trender went over to him. Ben bolted to Laughing Jack.

"What have you done this time?"

"Pissed the brothers off."

"That was a smart move, wasn't it?"

"I don't care, let's switch places."

"Whatever you say, captain." Jack saluted him and went around the corner as Ben went ahead with the windows. He hoped Jeff and the proxies were having more fun than him.

Masky disabled another bear trap as Hoodie scanned the ground for any holes. Jeff looked about, tapping his foot with several nets dangling off his arm. "Is this what we're doing for the rest of the day?"

"Yep, Master has requested we rid of the traps since the trespassers are dead."

"And did the bald guy ever think that we need a load of dirt to fill up these holes?!"

"We can make them obvious to the eye by removing the leaves hiding them- like what Hoodie is doing now." He pointed at his partner who pulled another net from the under the leaves and used it to fan them away before tossing it to Masky, who then threw it to Jeff. "Imagine our position, you're doing this for a couple of hours, we have to do it until we die or turn useless."

"Yeah, so heartbreaking."

The proxies exchanged looks. Masky shook his head when he sensed Hoodie's frown. Masky took out a map that marked where all the traps were set- six out of fourteen found. He let out a deep sigh and led them to the next location. Masky stopped when Hoodie put his arm in front of him and pointed in the distance.

"I saw something…" Hoodie unsheathed his machete which Jeff's eyes widened at the sight.

"Where'd you get that?!"

"Oh, Hoodie got it when we invaded someone's home," Masky explained. "He's had it for a few days now." Masky put away the map and took out his crowbar as he followed his partner to where he'd seen the figure. Jeff followed them, complaining to himself that he looked like a waiter with the nets on his arm. Hoodie leaned against a tree and checked for the figure before moving forward, his partner kept an eye for anyone to flank them. The trio sighed in relief when they heard Smile bark. "False alarm."

"I wish I was with Ben."

Masky looked back at him, his eyebrows furrowed. "You would be if you didn't grab a revolver, aim it at Offender's head, and give this long speech about how our lives would improve with Splendor almost in tears begging you not to shot him. And when you pulled the trigger, a flag with 'BANG' written on it popped out. I've never seen anyone jump a foot in the air from terror."

Jeff threw his head back and chuckled. "Oh that was priceless!"

Back at the mansion, Ben wailed in victory as he finished the windows- Laughing Jack arched an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, last job is the attic."

Ben grinned and skipped into the mansion with Jack in tow. As Ben passed Offender, he made an 'L' shape on his forehead. Up at the second floor, Laughing Jack hoisted Ben onto his shoulders so he could pull the string to reveal the ladder. They clambered up. Laughing Jack unwrapped a new lollipop and stuck it in his mouth as he brought the ladder up and closed the small door. Ben's eyes followed the wooden beams stretching over the roof. "So, do we clean the cobwebs or something?"

"I think we organise the crates. Like, some of these have personal belongings so we group them to their according owners."

Ben sighed. "Got it." Ben went over to a window and began wiping the cobwebs from it. The attic was a clutter with tables and chairs blocking his way and Jack struggled to manoeuvre the room. He had to stretch his legs over several pieces of furniture. "Hey, doesn't this stretch over Slender's office?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, why'd you ask?" Jack looked back at him. Ben shrugged. "When you're finished with that lousy window, come and help me make room to get around this place." Laughing Jack lifted a chair and set on the table, he assessed the area, seeing where they could move it all. Ben said he was ready to help and they worked from the top right down, cleaning chairs and tables from dust. Ben felt this was Tetris in real life. Eventually, they only had the crates to organise after they took their break, their arms and backs sore from the labour. Ben coughed and fanned the air from the dust. He stood up and went to the first crate, whipping off the cloth covering it.

"Hey, this is Offender's stuff! Help me open it." They both lid their fingers under the lid and moved it to the side. Ben looked around its contents. He took out a photo album and flicked through the pages. "Whoa- he has pictures of all of us naked!" Jack's head shot at him and looked at it. Ben continued through the pages- there was Masky Hoodie, Jane, Slender, Trender- Ben slammed the book shut when they got to Sally. They exchanged wide glances. "Do we tell Slender…?"

Jack shrugged. "He'll ask what we were doing looking at everyone…" Jack shook his head, trying to rid of the image. "He had all these magazines as well…" They discovered some tapes of everyone in the shower, the tapes labelled with each pasta and numbered- there were eight of Trender. "Look, we gotta tell Slender."

"And doing so will result in having our asses beat until blue when we're looking through Offender's stuff!" Ben snapped, glancing over what they found.

"But when we mention Sally, he won't care."

"He didn't give a single thought about Jack's attempted rape!"

"Yeah, but he does care about Sally, he is overprotecting of her!"

"Fair point…" Ben sighed in defeat. "Okay, we'll go tell him now." Jack opened the door but gasped and stood back when Offender climbed through. Ben scurried behind Jack's legs.

"I must say that was an interesting argument, boys." Offender let out a low chuckle as he stood up and closed the door. He blocked their only escape. "Now, now don't you know it's inconsiderate to look through people's belongings?" His pointed tongue slithered out and his tentacles aimed themselves at the duo. Jack continued to move back and Ben clung onto his back.

Ben felt his legs begin to give way as they were pushed back with Offender's huge frame. "Hey, it doesn't have to be like this. I mean, we can sort something out, y'know?"

Jack nodded, his hands shaking. "Y-yeah, this is just a little miscommunication between us."

Offender's tongue trailed over his teeth, leaving black saliva in its trace. "I know what I want from you two." Ben felt Jack's whole body begin to quiver. Jack tripped over his feet and fell back on top of Ben. The floorboards creaked, dust flew from the wood. Offender stood above them, his tentacles grabbed Jack's arms. The floor groaned and creaked louder. Offender knelt down to them- the floor strangling with creaks. "You boys are-" The group fell through the floor and into Slender's office. They groaned and coughed. Ben and Jack leaped to their feet and sprinted to Slender, hiding behind him.

Ben pulled Slender's head to face him. "Offender has pictures of Sally naked!" Offender's head shot up to Slender, his mouth hung open. He couldn't move or breathe. Slender's head twisted to Offender, no face was needed to make Offender tremble with dread as Slender raised from his desk.

"I'm sure Splendor would be very happy to hear this. Jack, Ben, return to your duties in the evening." They nodded and left the room in a hurry. Ben brushed his hair of dust and pieces of wood. As they went down the staircase, they went passed Splendor who slammed the door of the office closed.

"Wow, he looked mega pissed."

Jack looked at him wide-eyed. "I know and I don't wanna be around."

Ben nodded in agreement. In the living room, Eyeless Jack and Trender stared at them, they both stood in the middle of room surprised and unable to talk.

"You boys aren't gonna believe this!" Ben ran up to them. "We were snooping around Offender's stuff and we found out he has tapes and picture of everyone naked- including Sally!"

"Oh my," Trender mumbled, the hand on his hip falling to his side. "Wait, how many did he have of me?!" His voice picked up its volume.

"Uh, ten, I think."

"I'll set up his funeral!" He ran upstairs, skipping several steps in the process, his feet thumping against the floor. Laughing Jack offered a lollipop to Eyeless Jack but he declined with a head shake.

"We've got time to kill so let's find the proxies and Jeff." They left the house in time to hear something crash upstairs and a deep roar. Laughing Jack snickered and slapped his knee. They walked through the forest, their shoulders relaxed, and Ben began to whistle, kicking a few twigs and leaves every now and then. He felt a hand of his shoulder and looked back at Eyeless Jack, who placed a finger to where is mouth was, and dragged him behind a tree. Ben heard distant chatting and gave Jack a puzzled look. His eyes widened when he saw the Rake strolling alongside Bob.

"And then Splendor thought he'd try and tell me some 'life lesson' crap on me. He told me, 'You know, Rake, you should learn to enjoy the little things in life.' He had no right to dictate my life so I replied, 'Ah, someone's going to masturbate tonight, eh?' Fair to say that he wasn't too pleased with my response." The duo were out of range for the group to hear the rest of the conversation.

"That's odd- what's Rake doing here?"

Eyeless Jack shrugged. "I overheard the proxies talking to Slender that he wasn't in the forest."

Laughing Jack sneered, "Doesn't surprise me he's giving off about one of the brothers."

"When does he not?"

Ben stood out from behind the tree. "Do you think he'll be here tomorrow? Damn, Satan's gonna have to put up with him." He began walking. "Anyway, let's find Jeff, I wanna tell him what happened." By chance, they ran into the proxies. Ben told them what happened with Offender and went to tell them about the Rake- the proxies struggled to believe him at first. But the two Jacks backed him up. Masky sighed and took Hoodie back to the mansion to tell their Master. Hoodie asked how Slender would respond to the news.

Masky stopped at the front doors, his hands on his hips before turning to his partner. "All hell will break loose. So might as well get over with it." They went up to the office and knocked, seeing Slender look at them from whatever he was doing. Offender was up against a wall. "Master, the Rake has been cited in the forest just now." Slender's chest grew heavy with each deep breath and he screamed into the air. The birds flew away and Ben stopped talking.

Splendor blinked at him, taken aback by his sudden reaction. He opened to mouth to try and pry something out. "I-… um… you two can return to your work." The proxies left the room and dashed out of the mansion.

"What now?" Hoodie asked as they went to meet up with the others.

"We capture Rake with a bear trap and kill him."