Just when I found out the solutions to the mistakes I had made as a child I found many new mistakes to make.

The lobby of the small resort in was blessedly cool and shadowy. A fountain in the corner among some potted vegetation fed a small babbling brook around which gathered three children laughing and pointing at frightened koi. Sasuke frowned. It was a relief to get out of the relentless heat but there was a line for the reception counter. The town's little summer festival was proving to be an unexpected hitch in his plans.

The parties at the reception desk were having elaborate conversations with the available staff, the gist of their conversations seeming to revolve around dwindling accommodations. His hopes for a private suite with an in-room hot tub and a matching suite for his teammate were dwindling as well.

Sasuke mercilessly killed the wish to kick off his shoes and splash his feet in the brook.

Finally one of the receptionists beckoned him. He stepped up to the counter. She smiled blandly at him, too overloaded with masses of humanity who had visited her today to really see the man before her. It's just as well, thought Sasuke, with half the sand of Wind Country still stuck to my skin and clothes I'm not much to look at.

"I would like two suites-"

"I'm sorry, sir," demurred the receptionist in a sickly sweet voice, "but all of our suites and larger accommodations are taken."

"All of them?" gaped Sasuke. He was growing to hate this town. "Very well, two singles. But we'll want a meal service."

The receptionist smiled. Her eyes momentarily flickered to the sword that stuck out behind one shoulder and the arm guards that peeked out from under loose sleeves but her perma-smile never faltered. "Of course, sir." She was a boon to her profession.

The receptionist slid a book over from another man behind the counter. She flipped through it and her perfect smile sagged. "Well, sir, it looks like the rooms we have are rather small, and unfortunately, not close to each other."

"Doesn't matter, we just need a room each for the night."

"Oh, good then-"

A boy in his early teens wearing what looked like a version of the matching outfits the receptionists wore walked up to the woman and, with a preemptory bow to Sasuke, slipped a note to the receptionist. She scanned it quickly and gave a decided frown. She nodded to the boy to dismiss him.

Sasuke matched her frown. It was clearly not good news. Even before the receptionist spoke again he reviewed his options: the dingy inn across town that both he and his teammate had decided to pass on or camping out, yet again, in the unforgiving heat.

He almost didn't hear her extensive apologies and notice of one room still available, with yet more apologies because it was a room that would need some attention before being ready for guests. A grungy hand ran through grungy hair. "Yeah, sure, whatever. There's two of us and we'll want to bathe and eat."

Flawless, barely-sincere smile back in place, the receptionist happily took his name (an alias - Sasuke preferred to rest rather than give some other upstart the pleasure of getting beaten by the last Uchiha) and half-payment for the room. She turned to a cabinet behind the counter and pulled out a lone pair of keys. Then she tapped each of her fellows behind the counter on the shoulder and uttered a few quiet words. Their plastic smiles suddenly matched hers, even as their eyes grew apologetic.

The receptionist returned to Sasuke. Over her explanation to please give housekeeping an hour to put the room in tip-top shape and that dinner would arrive at 630pm and the location of the hot spring baths and check out was at 10am the next morning, Sasuke could hear the conversations of disappointed would-be patrons rise with irritation at being shut out of the resort on the eve of the town's summer festival.

Sasuke shrugged, shouldered his pack once more and found a bench near to the fountain. He refused to even admit the urge to sink into what looked like cool, fresh water. But he allowed himself to idly watch the water splash down the fake rocks.

The mission to deliver a businesswoman and her cargo had ended successfully the day before when they crossed into Suna. Any other country, reflected Sasuke, and we would have had to hide the fact that we are ninja, or risk an international incident for incursion. How times had changed. Indeed, while the countries enjoyed considerable cooperation, the increase in trade had brought an increase in brigands along the major highways. And thus this trip had not been without incident. In fact, the client had been so pleased at the swift and remarkable display of shinobi prowess in the defense of her goods and life, she passed them a bonus when their contract was concluded.

A relatively simple and decidedly rewarding mission, all things considered. Not that Sasuke cared. He just wanted to get home. He scowled. Not counting tonight there was still another two days before he could hope to reach the gates of Konoha. Furthermore, there was no chance of indoor accommodations the next night. The town nearest to their estimated stopping point would necessitate yet another day of travel. Neither he nor his teammate wanted that.

They both wanted to be in their respective homes, and, he was certain, both wished to be away from each other. His heart gave an involuntary jump and sped up for a moment before some long breaths and matching moments of blank thought corralled it back to a normal pace. His teammate was... becoming a distraction.

-忍ぶ-

At the market Sakura sighed and pushed her way through the crowd. It seemed like the whole world had descended on the border town for this little local festival and it was just her bad luck to be stuck here on the same day. She had restocked provisions for traveling over the next two days and now wanted a quick peek at what the town was doing to celebrate. But the surging crowd made it difficult to find the center of the goings-on, not to mention the crush of bodies added to the misery of the heat. Fire dancers would have been cool to see, but she had to admit that she was getting fed up with being jostled. Twice already she had grabbed slick fingers that had tried to make off with her billfold. She was certain no one could really pick her pockets, but faintly concerned that the next unfortunate who tried would end up missing a few digits. Don't these idiots know better than to mark a ninja?

This border town, just inside Fire Country, was used to ninja passing through and was in fact only a couple hours' run from the nearest border patrol checkpoint. As it was supposedly peacetime, Sakura didn't worry about any attention she might get for openly wearing her headband and hip holster. Most people who even bothered looking at her twice seemed more taken by her unusual hair color. But once they accepted it she ceased to be remarkable in their eyes.

Sakura shrugged and shouldered her way out of the throngs.

Fifteen minutes and two wrong turns later she finally found the right street with the resort. There were still many people in the street, but not in the crush of the main thoroughfare. Heat made the street and walls shimmer. She prayed Sasuke had taken care of the rooms and would immediately hand her the key to her suite and leave her alone after that. He probably would, she assured herself. It's not like he was Naruto, right? He was all about leaving her alone. Usually.

Her stomach gave a little lurch – though the heat made it a sluggish clench – at the thought of her teammate. This was their second mission out without anyone else, and just like on the first she had to force back her attraction to Sasuke and focus. Certainly, she was much better at it now, at the age of 21 than when she was 12, largely because she put some effort into it these days. Sometimes she could even be stern with herself; her feelings were unrequited, one universally known rejection was more than enough, and, well, the son of a bitch had already put her through hell. They were past all that, most of it anyway, but it wouldn't due to forget his singlemindedness and the plain fact that she didn't fit into his priorities.

They worked fine as teammates and if the lack of anything else frustrated her, she took it out on enemies and the occasional training field-adjacent forest. Sakura veered toward the entrance of the resort. Sakura mused to herself, it was just that...every so often she would find him looking at her and she would feel like nothing more than a live wire.

It didn't typically get this hot in Konoha, but it had been a warm day two years earlier, when Sasuke had returned. He was marched into the village between Naruto and Kakashi with three ANBU in rear-guard. The villagers had assumed it was to convince Sasuke to keep from trying to escape, but one look at his face and Sakura knew the fight was gone from him. The guard was to keep anyone from attacking the returning prodigal. His shoulders were broader than she had ever remembered and even in defeat his face was noble. Then his pitiless eyes had caught sight of her at the gates to the hospital and saw... She couldn't say. Not the child he left on a stone bench, nor the teenage medic who had waded through war. She shivered. She hadn't had the words for it, but it was a look she had seen (felt?) before from a few guys shortly before they introduced themselves and asked if they could buy her a drink.

She shook her head as she stepped into the dim foyer. Thinking like that never got her anywhere.

Sakura entered the lobby and drifted out of the way of other guests while her eyes adjusted to the dark, cool interior. There was a gentle sound of running water to her right. Chemically chilled air lifted the hair on her arms and began drying the sweat where it clung to her skin. It was a mini paradise. If only-

"Hey."

Sakura's vision wasn't entirely adjusted but she didn't need to be able to see Sasuke in perfect detail to identify him. His posture was a dead giveaway, all grace and arrogance. She approached him, reminding herself that what she really wanted was to put down the provisions and her travel pack in her suite and take a long refreshing bath. "So... our rooms?"

Sasuke's lips went into a line. Sakura could make out more details in the dimness and he had a look of discomfort, his eyes trained on a vague point over her left shoulder. After a long, pained moment he looked her in the eye. "They only had one room left. A single room, with a single bath."

Sakura stared at him, mouth slightly open. She tried to make herself stop staring, to say something intelligent, but nothing came to mind. Heat blossomed in her neck and her upper chest.

"I think it's not usually used as lodging, too, since they have to get it ready for us."

Sakura found her voice. "Terrific. And you agreed to this why?"

Sasuke gave a minimal eyeroll. "I thought you wanted at least one night under a roof on the way back and that other inn looked like we'd spend the night watching out for roaches. Or do you want to sleep out-"

"No, no. That's..." Sakura glanced at Sasuke. He didn't seem at all perturbed by the thought of sharing close quarters. Of course, he'd had some time to get used to the idea. She heaved a sigh. "I just want a shower."

"I think they have one of those." Sasuke slung his pack on his shoulder and headed toward a hallway, presumably toward the rooms.

Sakura indulged a small sigh and followed him. Proximity to the man still, somehow, made her mind slow. She was extremely aware of every inch of herself, of every breath she took, when Sasuke was within arm's reach. She tried to relax, to shove the feelings away. Some days were better than others, but long ago she had realized she had to put herself in the right frame of mind. She could perform on a mission with him as long as she made getting ready for his closeness a part of her prep. But the unexpected still got the better of her.

Their room was the at the very end of the hallway of the first floor. Two housekeepers were tidying up their work and bowed their way out, explaining how to get their attention if the master or miss would like anything else.

Sakura fought mightily to keep from showing her disappointment in the room. It was drab, but worse it was tiny. A nicely sized futon, suitable for two people lay in the middle of the floor, leaving little room for anything else. Two twin-sized futons would probably have taken up all the floorspace. A bathroom opened at the entryway to the room. There were shelves for clothing and sundries at the foot of the futon, a window with bars over it on the wall opposite the door of the room. Below the window was an air conditioning unit. Sakura made a bee line for it, dropping off her shopping bags and travel pack on the shelves as she passed them. The room wasn't terribly warm but it was warmer than the chilled lobby.

Behind her Sasuke ambled into the room and closed the door. When it shut Sakura couldn't help but notice the way her heart kicked up a notch. Shut it, she told herself, you're a damn professional. Ninja have to get up close and personal with each other all the time. Granted, she was most typically up close and personal with other ninja either when she was sparring with them or healing their wounds. Still, she wished with all her heart she could borrow some of Sasuke's apathy right about now.

When she turned around she found that Sasuke still stood in the entryway with his pack on his shoulder. Slowly, like he had something else on his mind, Sasuke walked to the shelves and put down his pack.

"Dinner is at 630; they'll come and get us when it's served. There are hot springs if you want, but you have to go through another wing."

Sakura made a face. Hot springs in this heat? Well, a dip after a bath may have sounded good earlier but now she felt its beneficial effects would be lost on her. Clearly she wasn't going to get to relax until she got home. "Well 630 isn't long from now. Say, I have a few things I want to unpack before taking a shower, if you want to, why don't you go first?"

Sasuke grunted and turned to the bathroom. He stopped and turned back. He nodded to the rack above the low shelves. It held a blanket and a pillow. "You might want to let housekeeping know we could use another blanket and pillow."

Sakura felt the heat in her upper chest come back full force. Her voice sounded distant to herself, "uh...yeah. Right."

Sasuke disappeared into the bathroom.

-忍ぶ-

The rest of the evening proceeded in an awkward series of stops and starts. Sakura began to despair of ever feeling like a competent adult ever again. Dinner, at the very least, was in a room they were led to by a hostess. Haltingly, she told Sasuke about the very first mission she and Naruto went on with Sai, when Captain Yamato treated them to a night at a hot springs hotel and a lavish dinner. He listened passively and showed no emotion when she noted with a laugh that part of Yamato's agenda was to slip tracking seeds into them through their food. But all too soon she found the story a burden to recount. "And that was... how we followed...Sai...to...y-" she couldn't even finish the word, let alone the story. She picked up her cup of sake and simply stared into it.

The heat came back again. That wretched day was now almost six years in the past but...Sakura felt stupid. Sasuke didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to tell it. She put her sake cup to her lips but still didn't drink.

Sasuke's face was blank. He must be able to remember that day, Sakura thought. He blew up a cave. He nearly killed me – he was looking like he wanted to kill us all until Orochimaru – Orochimaru! - stopped him and convinced him to let us kill more Akatsuki for him. To escape the memory Sakura tipped her head back to drink all of the sake in her cup at once. She straightened and coughed twice as the drink blazed a smooth, warm trail to her stomach.

When she looked back at Sasuke he was working at picking the meat out of a lobster tail. She picked at a few more items on the table but truthfully her appetite was gone. They ate quietly. While munching she poured some sake for Sasuke. A few minutes later he returned the favor. They exchanged pouring duty for each other until the bottle was empty.

Feeling a little tipsy, Sakura lightly shook the empty bottle and smiled at Sasuke. There was a faint redness high on his cheeks. He smirked.

They stood up and headed out of the room. The hostess waited at the doorway to clean. Sakura thanked her with the traditional "it was a feast." The hostess was suitably gracious.

The walk back to the room was amiable enough but Sakura felt the anxiety pooling in her belly, slipping around in her guts and making her thoughts hard to define. Something was going to happen. Something... Sakura growled softly at herself, momentarily regretting the sake. It had made it easier to eat with Sasuke but now her mind was muddled.

At the sound she made Sasuke gave her a look. But she shook her head, it was nothing.

With a minimum of conversation they negotiated the remains of the evening. Sakura sorted out the food and other provisions she had bought and divided them between Sasuke and herself. They both ended up reading books brought via transportation scrolls. Sakura thought this was actually quite nice; when she traveled with Naruto he never let her have enough peace to read. This time, however, her general exhaustion, anxiety and of course alcohol consumption was getting in the way.

The sun had set more than an hour earlier when she found she'd had enough of failing to read and decided to set about heading to sleep. It was early yet; if she was still she could hear music and the occasional crackle of fireworks from the festival a few blocks away. But they had agreed to get going at first light, with the intent of being deep in the forests of Fire Country before the heat of the day really took hold. The festival would have been nice to see, free of the oppressive heat but... early to bed and early to rise...it would keep Sasuke from complaining, at least.

She would have thought that having a roommate for the night would mean a different pattern to her nightly ablutions, but he kept on quietly reading while she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and change into a sleeping yukata supplied by the resort.

Sakura tidied the bathroom and covered up two extensive yawns. The mission had been taxing. The night watch had to be personally attended to by either Sasuke or herself and they traveled nonstop during the days. Even though the mission ended the day before, they were then in Suna and Sakura couldn't pass up the chance to call on Kankuro and Temari and perhaps offer informal salutations to the Kazekage. It had led to a pleasant dinner – well, pleasant, save perhaps for Sasuke who was silent as a grave throughout.

At the point when Gaara excused himself to return to his office Sasuke determined that was enough diplomacy and declared he was done for the night. Perhaps he expected Sakura to follow, he had tarried at the door for a moment. But she wanted to extend her fun with Kankuro and Temari – she so rarely saw them. So even though the contract was over she again got a paltry amount of sleep. The next morning Sakura had yawned through their light breakfast and Sasuke had muttered darkly about a lack of forethought and responsibility.

The room neat, her face scrubbed, Sakura stared into the mirror. She was dithering. It was just sleep. And she was tired. But... but... her heart quaked. The remnants of the sake still made her feel unsteady. Somehow, she just knew, she would find a way to embarrass herself simply by sleeping. Sakura ordered herself to bed.

Sakura efficiently arranged her pillow and blanket. She crawled in and turned off the lamp on her side of the futon with minimal movement. Sasuke silently watched and at the precise moment her head hit the pillow his book closed with a snap.

-忍ぶ-

Sasuke rose and strode to his pack to pull out a toothbrush and sleeping clothes. He did his level best to keep his mind on the tasks in front of him. He was meticulous about hygiene. He loved keeping his mouth clean. He scrubbed his hands and face until they were almost red. He savaged every thought that slipped to the futon in the other room and the woman who lay in it.

Ordinarily he would sleep in just sweatpants, but he always took along a slightly worn blue t-shirt for missions. It left his summoning tattoos exposed but still left him with a layer between himself and any teammates. Often enough sleeping conditions were either shared or outdoors. Tonight he wished he were in the habit of packing a sleeping bag.

Sasuke drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was more than trained for this, fully capable of sleeping in chaotic, even dangerous situation and knowing that he could rouse himself inside of two heartbeats and be ready to fight to the hilt. Temptation rarely touched him if he chose not to let it. It simply called for a minimal effort to summon the right frame of mind. He hadn't planned to do so tonight, but it was a trifling task, really.

Mind clear, he put away his toiletries and headed to bed. The narrow space meant crawling over the futon, but Sakura lay on her side, near the edge away from his half. He reached up to turn out the light and in one smooth motion lay on his back, pulling his blanket to his chin. Calling on his discipline, Sasuke became his breathing, allowing his awareness extend past him passively. He had no feeling for the wall to one side, the woman to his other side, nor for the hum of the air conditioner or the crowds beyond the resort. He knew they were there and allowed them to be so. In return he was allowed his place in their midst. Should one disturb the other sleep would be at an end.

-忍ぶ-

After a few minutes Sakura could hear Sasuke's breathing even out and become long and deep. She was too tired to fully indulge any spite but she did envy his ability to sleep so casually. She was a little bit trapped but tried not to dwell on it.

She let her mind wander to her friends. It was a trick she learned as a genin to help her sleep in strange places. Tonight she adapted it to keep her from thinking of the man sleeping within arm's reach.

It wasn't too late at night yet, most would still be up, assuming they weren't on missions. Naruto, of course, would be having dinner at Ichiraku. Such a thing was a certain as the sunrise. He would have ANBU guards trailing him and he'd probably try to convince them to step out of the shadows and join him for ramen. Ino would probably be on a date. Sakura momentarily wondered if she would see that hospital orderly – the one with the shoulders – again. She suspected her friend was getting bored of him but she was probably not so bored yet that she would rather stay in than head out with her latest boytoy. Kakashi...hard to say. Actually the chances were that he was on a mission as well, the highway robbers were getting rather brazen. By this point in the night Shizune would have gone home. Or, Sakura wondered slyly, she might be out seeing someone. She and Captain Yamato would make a cute couple. Sakura smiled and swallowed a giggle. She honestly didn't know if Yamato had any social life to speak of.

Sakura's thoughts drifted toward Suna. Her eyes closed softly in the dim light filtering in through the window. She thought of the sandstone walls of the village, of Kankuro and Gaara. She wondered how they kept from overheating in their long clothes. Another smile ghosted over her lips; she'd have to remember to tell Shikamaru that Temari asked after him. She thought of clouds. She dreamt of rain. She dreamt of lightening. She dreamt of a smart, talented boy becoming a murderer. She dreamt of healing. She dreamt of the scent of skin.

There was fabric in her hand, tangled in her gripping fingers. There was a hand on her upper arm. Something was against her face, leaving her breath no where to go but back against her skin. The hand on her arm slid to her back and in confusion Sakura tugged on the fabric, bringing its wearer closer to her. The mists in her mind cleared a little and she became aware that she was on her side and pressed against Sasuke's chest. Still, her mind could only offer facts, what exactly she felt (or should have felt) about the situation remained unknown.

Sakura shifted. Her other arm was bent in between their bodies. She craned her neck to look into Sasuke's face. She could see his eyes were open. Shadows fell over his face making it impossible to determine what kind of look he was giving her.

"Sasuke-kun." Her voice was barely a whisper, more like an idea that came out of her mouth, from deep in her throat.

"Sakura."

It was a whisper. Plain, even. And it shot through Sakura's nerves to her belly, her hands, her toes.

"What are you doing?" Sakura was truly baffled. The hand on her back hadn't moved.

"Holding you."


I had this idea to write a SakuraXSasuke romance that we'll probably never get in canon. But every time I played with the idea I just got "Variance" by dances .with .sunflowers. It's a beautifully paced, effecting story. Thing is, it was already written, and written damned well. FanFic doesn't need another quiet story about those two particular ninja. So, um, this is my loud, violent and probably dark story about those two. Maybe. I hope. If it disappoints, please go read "Variance" again. I know I will.