Now Dad's Gone

Written for the prompt : SPN, Dean, John's death

Disclaimer : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.


It hurts like a bitch. The knowledge; the understanding; the unwavering certainty that this is his fault. Dad was doing fine. John Winchester, bad ass hunter, a man too careful to be taken down by anything supernatural in the last twenty some odd years is gone, dead and it's got nothing whatsoever to do with his heart giving up like the doctor is claiming.

Dad is dead because it was the only way he could save Dean, the only chance he had to keep Dean alive. Dean knows there's love involved and a sense of owing his son the chance to keep on living but Dean didn't want it. He never wanted to live at someone else's expense, least of all his own father.

He isn't the one who's strong enough for this fight. He isn't the one who's clever enough to figure it out. He isn't the one who should be here now. He wants to curl up and be left alone, but Dad didn't leave him that choice. Instead he's got to keep on fighting, keep on trying to find the truth, trying to find his mom's killer and stop anyone else getting hurt.

And then there's the secret - the thing he's not supposed to tell Sam. Dean isn't sure how he's supposed to put one foot in front of the other carrying this burden on top of all the rest. He isn't sure how Dad could ever have thought he'd be strong enough for this.

But he's all there is left. Just him and Sam and he's the one who has to keep Sam safe, make sure Sam does the right thing. He's the only one left who can make sure he doesn't have to follow through on his Dad's warning.

All Dean knows is it hurts. It all hurts too much.