Haruka was sick. He did not understand what was going on with him, nor he could comprehend what was happening around him. Somewhere far, there were sounds of old songs played from a radio and winds blowing through the wind chime and birds, a lot of birds. He could hear the clock ticking and the night approaching and the time going so slowly as if wanting to mock him. They were all washed away by the roars of water drizzling down the shower, down to the floor, raining towards him, hitting his head, his eyes, his mouth, hiding his tears. All he could think about was why he was crying, but there was just a black tunnel with no end and no answer.
He closed his eyes and when he opened them, the sun had shone through his bathroom sill, bright and painful. The swimming season was here, but it felt like ending. Haruka picked up his swimsuits reluctantly. Nowadays they felt like they did not fit, and wearing them made him weary and uncomfortable. They were suffocating and cold, but he wore them anyway. Not wearing them meant that he was admitting that something was wrong, not wearing them would make him vulnerable and naked and his friends would be able to read him easily, and it was such a pain when they read wrong and they read loud and such a pain when they read right and they showed their unimaginably annoying concerns.
There is no one picking you up anymore, Haru. He is gone.
Something in his head unconsciously called out a name. Somebody whom he would spend every moment with, someone who swam for him, by him. But time changes everything, even him. Even Mako, too.
Haruka wiped his hair with his towel. It was 9 AM, and he was late. The first class would start in 30 minutes. But there was no class anymore. He picked up his apron, and walked towards the kitchen. The fridge was still full of fish, as his neighbor had just gone back from what he called a successful fishing trip and packed him a lot of mackerels, his favorite. This morning, the smell of fish sickened him. Before he could grab one and prepare the fish, his reflects called for a banging close of the fridge's door, and he ran towards the bathroom, putting his fingers in his mouth, trying to make himself throw up.
What are you doing, Haru?
Is what he expected to hear, but now there was just silence. And the doorbell rang. The doorbell! Haruka half ran towards the door, expecting Makoto to appear and say sorry for leaving him behind, for going away.
"Haru? You looked so messed up," the man in front of the door stated the fact.
Haruka turned his back and walked towards the living room silently. He glanced backwards, and sure enough, the man followed him inside. Tall and muscular, Rin had changed from the crybaby he once knew to the captain and now turning into professional swimmer with his buffed body ready to take on every challenge and Haruka was the only one who was left here, unchanged.
"Hey, it is time, come on," Rin pulled his arm, and Haruka glanced at his calendar.
There was nothing due for today, and on Sundays he never really had anything to do, so why today?
"Come on, we do this every Sunday," Rin's gaze was full of concern, but in his head Haruka could only see blanks.
Haruka let himself be dragged by Rin, and as they walked out of the door and into Rin's car, Haruka had to, just had to ask Rin, "where are we going?"
Rin did not say anything. It had been exactly two years since that incidenceand he did not want anything to do with raging Haruka. That smaller guy unexpectedly had a lot of hidden power within him, and Rin had tasted his punches and kicks enough to know better than to make turmoil in those aqua eyes.
The room was white and cold and Haruka could not breathe eventhough the windows were open and the wind slipped through the opening. Outside, greeneries and flowers grew free, leaving him caged inside.
"Do you know why we are here?" The man in white spoke to him, but his voice drowned in Haruka's thoughts.
"Haruka Nanase-san. Do you know why we meet here today?"
Haruka barely managed to shake his head. The voice was gentle, almost a whisper, but it was somehow scary, threatening. Nostalgic. Like he had heard this voice before, but he could not remember. He felt foolish, and he could not say anything about that. Haruka was always the type to keep silent no matter what he felt, and today was no acceptance. He could not erase his uneasiness, but he could not ask either.
"Nanase-san, where are your friends?"
"Huh?"
"Your teammates? Where are they?" The man repeated his question, more slowly this time.
"Nagisa is going to local college, Rei pursues Todai to be a doctor, they both on their first year now," Haruka said, "and Makoto... He is going to be a swimming teacher... He is in Tokyo."
"Is that all?" The doctor asked, his face unreadable.
Haruka nodded. Makoto left him to go and achieve his dreams, but what was this sadness and emptiness he felt? Why did he feel like he was being left forever? Did they fight? Did he do something wrong? All the thoughts rushed to him, playing with his brain like nauseating waves, each tied with another in strings of facts and fantasy.
"Is that all?" The question hung on the air, making it felt damp and heavy.
Haruka froze, he knew that there was something beyond the question. The man pulled out a metronome from under his
Haruka nodded, but his eyes were empty. He was deep in his thought, but at the same time, he was not. He was struggling, but he did not aware of what was happening. There was something that he needed to remember. Something bad, something he should not but need to. Haruka sank in the pastel sofa he sat on. Something slipped out of his mind. And like cracked dam, the drips of water cracked open a wide gap and before long thousands of forgotten memories flooded him. When he opened his eyes, it was like looking through colored googles, and he could only see red and more red.
It was their graduation day, and the eight of them went for barbecue. Haruka mumbled that he only ate mackerel and Nagisa whined because Rei refused to cook. Rin offered to cook but refused Gou's help, and they ended up fighting while Makoto took over the grill. Sousuke was glaring at him, and Haruka felt uneasy. The two of them was the only ones left on the table while Nitori was busy separating the siblings.
Sousuke said something, but it was gone from Haruka's memory. And they were going somewhere, away from the crowds. And then they did something, they must have, because Makoto shouted at Sousuke afterwards, and Haru could feel the tense atmosphere between the two of them. And Rin, hiding behind one of those bushes. And Makoto, pointing fingers, mad. Haruka had never seen Makoto being mad. He could not comprehend what was going on around him.
And then there were just Haru and Makoto. The two of them on a cliff. Fighting, screaming at each other. Haruka was startled that he could scream like that. He was furious, but he could not remember why. And then he felt a shove, rude, deadly, pushing him down the cliff, and he was falling down and down and when he opened his eyes, he could see Makoto in front of him, lifeless. He could see himself crawling for support, pushing himself to stand up, crying. Realizing that he held a gun, and that Makoto's head was all blown up. There were blood and more blood and splatter and pieces of what used to be Makoto.
And then he woke up.
Hi, this is Blissful Corgi! Thank you for reading this story, this is my first story ever and I am not even sure if this is that good... Hope you like it! Please leave this amateur lotsareview
I'll update soon! Promise :3
