A little Valentines story, it's a bit late (I was away) and it's a bit rough around the edges. A Look back to a happy moment in Rimmers life.


Lister catches the zero-g ball and begins to run as hard as he can towards the winning line. The crowd erupts; cheers and whoops of pleasure fill the air, as he runs towards the winning line and the critical scoring point of the match. Lister is 10 feet from success, 10 feet from being better than Jim Bexely Speed his hero. Just 10 feet and "OOOOFFFFFFFF" a huge hulk of padding and man crashes into the side of him. He and the other player crash to the floor. Lister feels his grip on the ball loosen and with it his title. The player who has caused this failure in his joyful moment gets off him. The crowd are silent; Lister looks up into the face of the person who has single handily taken away his only chance of getting this record. The face beamed back at him.

"RIMMER!" cried Lister. "What the smeg are you doing in my AR game Rimmer?"

Rimmer offered Lister a hand up. "I was bored and that stupid Cat is driving me crazy with all his talk of Valentines day. I mean what's the point we are three million odd years into deep space and not a female in sight."

The AR game dissolved and the pair clicked off the head sets.

"You have to admire the guy Rimmer, he does go to a lot of effort. Maybe one of these years he will get lucky?" said Lister placing the helmet and gloves on the machine hooks.

"Well I wish he didn't just one year it would be nice if we could forget the whole smegging day. You know maybe replace it with something else."

"What like Lonely sados day Rimmer?"

Rimmer nodded before realising what Lister had said. "Well maybe not called that but another name. I was thinking maybe something along the lines of Singles Day. I think it's quite snappy."

"It's quite sad is what it is Rimmer. Why don't you do what me and Kryten do every year. We just forget about it and let the Cat do his thing."

"I tried, god knows I've tried but everywhere I go he seems to be engaged in some sort of Valentine preparations. I left him just now in the kitchen waxing his leg hairs and using a knife to remove the wax. A kitchen knife, what if I wanted to use that knife Lister, do you think I want to have that moggys leg hairs with my favourite dinner. What if you wanted to use it Lister?"

Lister stopped at the door and looked back at Rimmer. "Rimmer that's not going to happen, you know I only ever use a spoon."

Rimmer watched Lister go and tutted. No one seemed to understand him and the pain this day caused him.


Flashback Rimmer aged 13 years Boarding school. Valentines eve.

Rimmer lay face up in his bed, it was nearly midnight and he knew he should have been asleep ages ago but tomorrow something he was so sure would happen would change a 13 year run of no valentine cards. He was so utterly sure not because like other valentines he had posted several to himself, disguised with silly writing and new paper cut out letters. No this time it was going to be from a girl, a girl that he liked, and a girl that he was pretty darn sure liked him. He name was Sammy, he met her on a field trip to the local steel works. The girls school had been on a trip to the same steel works that very same day and the teachers thought it would be a good idea that the boys should pair up. Rimmer of course was left to last. He had stood there alone while all the other boys and girls that had paired up sniggered at him in his knee length shorts. Only not everyone was joining in. It seemed that a girl had been left behind too; she was short and slightly freckly with long grey curls. A teacher from the boy's school pushed him forward and he and she were introduced; she was called Sammy.

"Hello" said a timed little female voice.

"Hi." Said Rimmer trying to sound big and macho but only succeeding in sounding utterly stupid.

She laughed and Arnold took offence turning his back on her while the groups moved on. She followed behind him and then softly touched his arm. Arnold stopped. The shock of someone touching him so gently just made him stop. No one touched him gently, it was always a hit, slap, push or grab, but never a gentle touch. He turned and smiled at her and to his surprise she smiled back.

Well that was it the rest of the day was spent swapping stories and talking about adventures they planned. Arnold told her off his plans to become an officer and she said her plans were to become a nurse in the Space-core.

At the end of the trip they had stood together for along as they could waiting until all others had gone onto there respective coaches. Then Sammy stood on tip toes and kissed Arnold on the cheek.

"Bye Arnold, hope we meet again."

"Yeah bye." Said Arnold immediately regretting the lack of emotion in the statement.

He watched her go and only when she was on the coach looking out the window at him did he remember that he didn't have her address or even knew the stupid name of the school she was from. He scanned the coach to get some clue but it was one of those stupid space hopper deluxe kind, purely a rent a coach job. Arnolds little brain raced and then he had an idea, he could not get her address but he could give him hers. He quickly got out his writing pad and dictated his address and full name onto the screen. Then he dashed across the car park ignoring the shouts from his teacher to 'COME HERE BOY!' Reaching the coach he slapped the pad at the window quickly realised to his horror it was the wrong girl. A tapping further down the coach revealed the right window and a smiling face. Rimmer corrected his mistake and waited for her to copy it down.

Arnold had climbed back onto his bus ignoring the jeers and cries of lover boy.

That had been two weeks ago and he had four letters since that day from her and had written to her twice himself. Hence Arnold J Rimmer was sure he was for the first time in 13 years going to receive a fully genuine Valentine card from a girl and what's more a girl that liked him.


Valentines Morning

The young Arnold woke up and dressed quickly. He dashed over the cold flag stones of his school dorm and down the stairs two at a time. His heart raced, his head was giddy. Finally he turned the corner to the post room and slowed his pace to a casual walk, past other boys collecting their mail. He found his postal slot quickly enough, after all he had visited enough in the early years of his school life in the hope his mother would write to him. Of course that hope was dashed daily until finally a letter did come from her telling him that she and her father where getting a divorce and she would not write to him again, but not to worry his school fees were covered.

Arnold looked at the slot, something was clearly wrong. It was wrong because it was empty. His mind raced, maybe the post had not been dished out. The young Rimmer scanned the other boxes and saw the fresh mail. DAM, that was not it; maybe it was in another box by mistake. Arnold checked each and every box and has he neared the end a dreadful feeling began to rise from the pit of his stomach. She hadn't sent one.


Weeks past for the young Arnold but still no word from Sammy. His mind tried to convince him that she had lost his address, but then why hadn't she tried to find him, she knew his school. Maybe she had been in an accident and lost her memory, plausible but not likely. Or was it just that once she had left that day she had looked back and realised with horror the awful mistake she had just made.

Finally he could not take it anymore and decided he had to know. He needed to know, god dam it, it was his right as a 13 year old boy to know why she hadn't sent him that card.

He packed up his few favourite items and slipped out of the school late that same evening. He knew this was a big no no but what else could they do to him, he was already flunking in every subject. Maybe getting kicked out would be good for him. Then a cold shiver reminded him that having to face his mother with such news would not be so much fun.

Arlnold boarded to the number nine bus towards the other side of town. According to Zoogles mapping service; a final iteration of the now long dead Google, Froogle and Toogle services, her school was an hours bus ride. He watched as the streets flashed by, ideally wondering what she might say or do when he knocked on her door.

His minds eye pictured her running out of the school gates he hair bouncing in time with each foot fall. Her eyes on fire with joy at seeing him again and then embracing him and telling him how the wicked dorm mistresses had conspired against them and taken his address from her.

The fantasy ended as Arnold saw he was approaching his destination.

The school was big, bigger than his and had an alarming array of warning signs about what happens to trespassers. One showed a large explosion with bits of a black outlined man flying off in all directions. Land mines surly not thought the young Rimmer.

He decided not to risk jumping over the fence and first go for the polite and straight forward approach. He would simply walk up to the front reception and ask to see her. He walked briskly up the long winding path towards a building that was marked 'Office'. Arnold glanced down at this watch and noticed it was far later than he planned. It was now half past ten. He tried the door but found it locked. This plan was not going so well, a new plan was needed and fast, thought Arnold.

That was how he now found himself half way up a tree swinging wildly from left to right on a branch that was clearly too thin to continue to support his weight. The plan had been simple find a large tree, climb it and jump over the main building wall. Right now however the tree was not complying with its part of the plan.

"CREAK" went the tree. Arnold looked alarmingly at the end of the branch to see a fresh crack appearing against the tree trunk.

"CRACK" said the tree more firmly. Which was then followed by a single sound from Arnold.

"THUD!"

Face up and on his back Arnold J Rimmer now found himself inside the grounds of the school but the tree had conspired against him and gone straight through one of the lower windows.

Arnold scrambled to his feet and dashed for cover. He knew someone must be on their way. This turned out to be a door way, the same door way that Mrs Downleigh thrust her way through. Arnold went flying face first onto the dirt. Mrs Downleigh stopped and stared at the rather skinny and dirty boy that was wriggling his way from her path.

"STOP BOY!" she commanded.

Arnold froze.

"Stand up and let me see you."

Arnold dragged himself up from the floor and turned slowly to face the middle-aged women with far too larger bosom to be considered healthy for any 13 year old boy to witness.

"What's your name boy?"

Arnold crossed his legs and looked at the ground. "Arnold miss." He said quietly.

"Well Arnold what on earth do you think your doing in my girls school?"

He could have lied he could have said he had got lost and confused and made a mistake, but he needed to KNOW.

"I'm looking for someone miss."

"Really, who might that be?" said the women approaching Arnold slowly.

Arnolds face became desperate. "Her name is Sammy miss. I meet her some weeks back on a power plant tour."

"The tour," her face pulled into one of deep thought. "Oh that tour, yes, very impressive, super example of a fine central shaft that one, very impressive indeed."

"I need to speak to her miss." Pleaded Arnold.

"I'm sure you do, but tip toeing around here at this time of night isn't going to get you invited in."

Arnolds face dropped. That was it, she was going to send him packing or worse she was going to call his school master.

"Please miss, just let me see her." He pleaded further.

A pause hung in the air. A silent deadly pause that would affect his very future.

"I think not, you're a horrible little boy who is clearly in the wrong place. You boy are not the sort of lad my girls should be associating with." She grabbed his ear and dragged him through the door.


Starbug felt cold, Rimmer wasn't sure if it felt colder than normal but he felt cold. The memories that had stirred as they often did at this time of year chilled him.

Lister jumped down the stairs to Starbugs mid section. "Rimmer, Rimmer you got to see this man." Said Lister beaming.

Rimmer didn't look up, it was bound to be another stupid plan or bit of information that he didn't need to know about.

"Go away Lister, I'm not in the mood."

"No way man, you're going to want to check this out." Said Lister putting the small video player in front of Rimmer.

"What is it Lister, this better not be another of those Big Bouncy Boxing classics that you have stashed under your bunk.

Lister looked guilty. "A guy's got needs you know Rimmer."

Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "All 220 needs huh Lister?"

"Backups man, Backups."

Rimmer eyed the small vid player in front of him suspiciously. "So what's on this thing Lister?"

"It's a message Rimmer, a message that I'm pretty sure if for you." Said Lister his face beaming like a torch with new batteries.

Rimmer reached over and pressed play. A bunch of titles faded into view.

'2543 Archaeological dig IO'

'Time Capsule Discovery'

Rimmer watched as the documentary plodded through a number of plain and ordinary items until at last the item that had caught Listers interest came into view.

"This is it man, watch this bit." said Lister excitedly over his shoulder.

Rimmer watched as the man on screen carefully opened a small card with a pink heart on the front to reveal the contents. The narrators voice kicked in.

"Here we see what can only be described as a valentine card. It appears to be addressed to someone called Arnold J Rimmer, wait there is a note."

The man on screen unfolds the note carefully.

"It reads; This card was by a pupil of ours that tragically died before she had could post it. From what we know it was to a boy she met on a field trip to a local steel works. Her class decided it should go in the time capsule as a memory of lost love."

Rimmer gulped. 'Impossible!'he thought. But could it be, could this explain why he never got that card. Had Mrs Downleigh have simply been protecting him from such tragic news. Rimmer rewound the vid and froze it showing the card front.

"You OK man?" asked Lister.

"Sure." Said Rimmer gazing at the card, the only card he had ever got as a Valentine.

"You look like you have seen ghost man."

Rimmer looked up. "Where did you get this?"

"It was from that last batch of vids we got from that last derelict. I was bored and decided to watch a few. Then I saw this and thought there could not have been many Arnolds that went to school on IO."

Rimmer breathed deeply, he took in the stale air on the ship and for the first time in his life he felt truly happy. 'She did care.' He thought.

Rimmer turned to Lister. "Lister, do you fancy a drink, I feel like celebrating Valentines Day."

Lister looked shocked. "You want to go for a drink with me, and you want to drink to the most hated of all days in your calendar?"

Rimmer closed the lid of the vid player and rose to his feet. "Yes Lister I do and what's more I'm buying!"

The End.