AN:
Okay so I was watching Croatoan last night for the millionth time and the part where Dean and Sam are locked into gather with Dean getting all emotional just made me write this and seriously with Dean being able to get really emotional sometimes and with him just bottling up everything this could happen right.
So I hope you guys like this and stick around to see what happens next. I will be posting the next part of Bloodlies on Monday for all of you that want to read the next chapter but for now I am giving you the first part of...

Even in darkness there is hope

Part One

The room was semi-dark, the only light coming from the two lamps on either side of the each bed.
Dean was sitting with his legs crossed in the middle of his bed, tear tracks across his cheeks.
He starred down at the gun in his hands. The metal cold and smooth underneath his fingertips as he ran them over the barrel of the .45, the pearl handle worn and familiar in the palm of his right hand.

His sigh echoed through the empty motel room.
Sam was out, said he was going to the library or something. Dean wasn't paying much attention at the moment not that he paid much attention to anything these days.
He knew Sam was worried about him, had even tried to get Dean to talk to him but no luck and Dean just couldn't summon the strength to care about it.

Dean was dead sure that if Sam knew about what was going on in his older brother's head lately he wouldn't leave Dean alone for two seconds.
Luckily for Dean he was a master at hiding his feelings and thoughts, never letting Sam see behind the carefully constructed mask he hid behind.

Dean wiped at the fresh tears on his face as his eyes once again tracked over the gun where it was resting in his lap, wondering again if he really could do it, end it like that but then again the alternative wasn't any better, not anymore...

He couldn't take it anymore.
Couldn't handle the pain in his soul that ate at him every hour of every painful day.
The responsibilities of his life were slowly killing him. Dean knew it was only a matter of time before he was six feet under or a pile of ash on just another funeral pyre.

The choices he had to make every day.
The lives he had to try and save.
The responsibilities of keeping his brother, his Sammy, safe from the dark future and even deadlier destiny that everyone had planned for his little brother.
It was just getting too much for him to carry and then of course there was the guilt.

Guilt over those that they, he, couldn't save.
Guilt over those that he himself had to kill, those that who once human that is.
Guilt every time Sam got hurt, when it was Dean's job to protect him.
Guilt over their Dad's death.
It was his fault; their Dad never should have given his life to save Dean's because he was a failure, at life and believe it or not even dying.

A failure because he couldn't stop Sammy from leaving for Stanford.
Couldn't stop OYE from killing Sammy's girl.
Couldn't stop Sammy from getting hurt over and over again.
A failure because he just couldn't keep going anymore. He just didn't have the strength to keep on fighting.
He's been fighting since he was four years old and Dean was tired right down to his soul.
It has been twenty –three years and he was done, burnt out.
Finished.
It was time to put an end to it all...

To be continued...( so guys what did you think of this one, is Sammy gonna get there in time or is something else going to intervene or is Dean going to get his wish to end his own suffering...well I could just tell you but where would the fun be in that so I guess you will just have to read the next chapter.
Hope you all enjoyed it so please leave a review at the door but please no flames, I don't have the time for it but positive criticism is welcome...Thanks for reading!)