A/N: Another list-type thing. Summary is pretty self-explanatory.
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1. I'm fine
She watches him work on her motorcycle, wiping his big palm over his forehead and smearing grease into a dark line. She bites her lip and her heart stings, a wound opening up, blood pumping, but not strong enough, not strong enough.
He turns around and his dark eyes are softer and warmer, but she can't help but think of thirsty inhuman beauty.
"Bella, are you okay?"
She nods and lets her gaze fall down to her chest, concentrates on the quick rising and falling of her breaths.
"Yeah, Jake, I'm fine."
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2. I don't want you
They are sitting on the beach, watching the waves in the darkness. The pale bleached log is memorable not just because it was where they met, but because it was somewhere that she had never taken Edward. There was nowhere else in the world that she could be positive he hadn't visited, hadn't left his empty footsteps and chilling touch on the ground beneath her.
He runs his hand under her chin and leans forward, but she pulls away and presses a finger to his lips.
He mumbles an apology, whispering, "Why can't you just pretend?"
She shakes her head. "I…I don't want you. Not like that, Jacob. Sorry."
She sits on her hands to stop herself from pulling him over and taking him right there in the sand.
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3. I love him
His return is like the light back into her world, and she convinces herself that nothing has changed. She pushes her hands over her heart and wonders vaguely about the hole, hiding somewhere inside of her, patched up and scarred like the leftover bruises on her leg.
When she sees Jacob, hears his deep growl from across the treaty line, she kisses Edward lightly and tells him not to worry, taking the step forward that had once seemed so insignificant.
Jacob's face is too-old and dead, and he spits out the questions like he has been holding back a scream. "How can you go back to him, Bella? After everything he did to you, you rush to him like he's some fucking god, like he's some fucking drug. How do you know he won't leave you again, Bells? How?"
She swallows back the tears and forces an uncaring expression on her face, tries to forget how much she hates to lie. "I love him, Jake. That's enough."
He shakes his head; calls her out. "Love isn't the answer to everything," he whispers, his cold pretense breaking. The look on his face breaks her heart. "Trust me, Bella. I know."
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4. I'm sorry
She finds him by the forest and she manages to break away, still wearing her white dress and veil, still perfect with a real blush on her cheeks. She is so happy to see him that she hugs him, first, forgetting that they aren't best friends anymore.
He nods and hangs his head. "I just came to say congratulations. Best wishes. Whatever."
She smiles slightly. "Thanks."
He straightens his tie uncomfortably. "So…this is goodbye, I guess."
She takes his hands in hers, a clownish looking embrace with her small, pale fingers stretching over his red-brown palms. She kisses him on the cheek, whispers, "I'm sorry I couldn't love you, Jacob," and swallows.
"Sure, sure," he mumbles, and walks away.
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5. I hate you
When she runs from her home, her clothes torn, her makeup streaked across her face, she knows exactly where she's going to end up.
He opens the door and doesn't look surprised to find her there. Only once does he glance at her empty ring finger before he picks her up and carries her to his bed, wiping away the damp lines on her not-quite-pale-enough face.
She presses her ear and listens to his heartbeat; he murmurs words of comfort as she falls into nothingness, tapping her fingers in time to the beat, whispering, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."
He smiles and kisses her forehead, telling her how glad he is that she remembers him at all.
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END
