Hack: My first take on a parody in a long time! This time it'll involve the Super Smash Brothers cast acting out the legendary RPG game: Tales of Symphonia! Prepare yourself for hilariousness, randomness, craziness, and most of all, crazy smashers! I must warn you all, though, there may be character bashing (although I didn't plan any yet). If you played the game Tales of Symphonia and beaten it before, then you'll understand everything a lot better.

All constructive criticism is appreciated and will be taken into heart. All flames will be ignored or deleted.

If there is another similar story to this, I am not aware of it and this fanfic will not be intentionally similar, so no intentional plagiarism there. Plus, my sense of humor is random anyways. Just a disclaimer to protect this story a bit more.

Oh yeah. I do not own Super Smash Brothers Melee or Tales of Symphonia, or anything related to those. I also do not own any characters from any Nintendo game. Disclaimer done!

Rated T for possible violence, minor sexual references, cursing, that fun stuff. If you don't wanna read any story with that stuff, I suggest you leave (nods vigorously).

Obvious spoilers for Tales of Symphonia, as the smashers will be acting through the entire game. Yes, you heard me, the entire game that takes like a hundred hours to beat. This'll be a long project for me, and it'll be tough squeezing in this and my other work at the same time, but it'll be a fun experience for me.

This chapter is just a prologue to open up the game and who's who, stuff like that. Enjoy it!


Prologue: The Cast!

The twenty-six smashers were sitting and moping around in the smash mansion on top of the Final Destination. It had been a year since they defeated the Master and Crazy Hands.

Suddenly, a very sexy, handsome, black-haired teenage boy came down on a cloud above the smashers, who were all dining. To no one's surprise, Kirby and Yoshi were hogging all the food.

"Good evening, my wonderful smashers!" Hack cried out.

"Huh? Who the hell are you?" Mario asked.

"My goodness, if it'll get the attention of those two pigs, then I'm fine with any distraction…" Falco muttered. "I'm damn hungry…"

"Hey, you're not the only one," Fox replied. "Pretty much everyone's starving. Peach! Got any more grubs?"

"We already ran out, Kirby and Yoshi are pigging out again…" Peach muttered.

"Hello? Are you guys ignoring me?" Hack asked.

BANG! BANG!

Yoshi and Kirby were both taken out instantly by a powerful steel frying pan. Dr. Mario sighed. "My fifth operation today… Can't be worse than my latest one on Donkey Kong though, when Samus took him out…" He dragged them out of the room as every smasher in the dining hall rejoiced.

"WOOT! Food!" Marth cried, chomping down on Yoshi's remainders.

"No, that food's mine!" Roy yelled, shoving Marth aside and stealing Yoshi's food.

"Mama mia… What a crazy dinner…" Luigi shook his head.

"Oh, Luigi! Have you seen my pet spider around here somewhere?" Ganondorf asked with an evil snicker. Luigi screamed and ran out of the room.

"Do any of you know I'm here? Hello?" Hack asked again. Nobody noticed him except Mario, who forgot about him.

"That's not very nice…" Link muttered, shaking his head in disapproval.

Ganondorf felt a tap on his back, then turned around to see Young Link smiling. He was holding a large spider.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Ganondorf screamed as he zipped out of the room.

"Mini-me! How many times did I tell you not to play pranks?" Link cried out.

"Um… Popo made me!" Young Link pointed at the blue ice climber.

"What? No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Nu uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nu uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Popo! Stop arguing!" Nana called out, being more mature for some reason.

"…Wow, this is pretty lame…" Hack muttered. "Nobody's noticing the sexy me…"

Marth and Roy were still fighting over the food, but Bowser came in between and shoved them both out of the way.

"Eh? You wanna fight?" Marth and Roy threatened simultaneously, pointing their respective swords at Bowser, who was chomping on their food.

"Hey! This food is mine! I'm bigger than the two of you and stronger too!"

CLANG! STAB!

"Another day of chaos…" Zelda sighed, putting her hand on her forehead. She looked up to see Captain Falcon and Samus. "Great… Three… Two… One…"

KABOOM! Falcon had just tried to kiss Samus, who blew him up with a super missile. Falcon was lying at Zelda's feet, struggling to get back up.

"Again with Samus?"

Falcon smiled as he looked up with a smile. "…Nice thongs."

KA-BAM!

"Ow… High heels hurt a lot…" Mr. Game and Watch said, cringing from seeing Falcon's flattened face. "I know from experience."

Pikachu and Pichu were just so happening to carry a large anvil and 'accidentally' dropped it on Mr. GW's foot.

"YEOW!!!" The two pokemon immediately ran, when Jigglypuff just came into the room.

"You little rascal!" Mr. GW yelled! He ran after Jigglypuff, believing that she injured him.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! What did I dooooo????" Jigglypuff cried as she was running.

"In the count of three, everyone that doesn't notice me will get fried!" Hack cried.

"I noticed you a long time ago," said Mario.

"Abusing your author powers, eh Hack?" Mewtwo telepathically said in Hack's mind.

"You're not the only one that can speak telepathically," Ness said in everyone's heads.

"…Two…One…"

BOOM!

Every single person besides Mario, Ness, and Mewtwo were fried to a crisp in a large explosion.

There was only one thing anyone could say.

"…Ow…"

"Great!" Hack clapped his hands together. "I'm here for a project that I want all of you to participate in! I'm the legendary author, Hack, full name is Hacktheworld1991! I want all your cooperation!"

"And what if I don't want to participate?" Ganondorf threatened.

"Well nobody can match up to my author powers."

"Nice try. WARLOCK PUNCH!" Ganondorf cried as he charged his hand. He threw it forward at Hack's face, but it simply deflected off an invisible barrier.

"My turn!" Hack snapped his fingers as Ganondorf felt an anvil fall on his face, then a fireball burned his face further.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Any objections?"

Everyone shook their head.

"Good. I just had an idea today that you're all going to do a fun parody of Tales of Symphonia!"

"Tales of… what?" Donkey Kong asked.

"It's one of the greatest action-based RPGs, at least in my opinion. It fits pretty well. You're each going to act out a part, and other miscellaneous people from your worlds are going to act as other minor parts too. Got it?"

Nobody responded.

"Great! So… Link! You are acting as Lloyd Irving!"

"Huh? Me?" Link replied.

"Yes, you. You're the main character, and you're pretty cool. Both of you wield swords and both of you have future girlfriends too. You're also both sensible to some extent, but also are pretty stupid in studying."

"…Hey, that's not very nice. And what do you mean by future girlfriends?"

"Because Zelda is going to act out as Colette Brunel!"

"Colette?" Zelda asked.

"Yes, because Colette is Lloyd's natural gal and you're Link's gal."

"Another word like that and I'll zap you," Zelda threatened.

"Fine, fine, but I have other good reasons. She's brave, you're brave too. You both also use pretty nifty magic."

"Okay, I'm fine with that."

"…Oh yeah, you'll have to be clumsy."

"WHAT?"

"Next, we have Genis Sage as Ness! Simply because you're both midgets and you both use cool magic attacks."

"Nice! I love magic!" Ness cried out.

"You're both also really smart and study hard. He's also a crybaby."

"I'm not a crybaby!" Ness cried, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm not a crybaby, I'm not a crybaby!"

Pichu zapped Ness. "That's my job, being a cute crybaby!"

"Ow..."

"It confuses me, though..." said Hack. "In your Earthbound Game, you're considered the main powerhouse and tanker while Paula was the black mage. You also never knew PSI Magnet, Fire, or Thunder, like you do in the smash tournaments. Only PSI Flash and Rockin."

"...I'm weird like that, okay?"

"...Right. So Genis's older sister, Raine, will be Peach."

"Wait, I'm not Ness's sister!" Peach retorted.

"Well that's not why I picked you as Raine. You're the type of gal to be a healer, and you're also really reasonable. You're pretty bossy too, especially around the smash mansion. Especially with the little kids. You get to be Link, Zelda, and Ness's teacher. You'll be awesome, and you'll get to spank Ness's butt."

"I'm starting to regret this…" Peach muttered.

"What? I'm getting spanked?" Ness cried out.

"Yeah, Peach gets to be really violent."

"I have no regrets then!" Peach exclaimed happily.

"All right, our next guy, Kratos Aurion, will be Marth, because I think you're super dark and cool, or at least you seem like the type."

"Heh, thanks."

"You get to be pretty bossy too. You'll come in and out randomly, especially after a certain climax of the game."

"Huh… I like being a mysterious guy. Probably why I'm irresistable around girls."

"I'm irresistable!" Captain Falcon yelled out. Samus bashed him on the head angrily.

"Um, no, not when you're getting beaten by girls all the time," replied Doctor Mario. "Do you know how many operations I had on you because of your behavior?"

"Shut up..."

Hack continued on. "Sheena Fujibayashi, the ninja, I had a hard time deciding. At first I think Zelda would be great, being Sheik and all that, but she's already Colette. Because there's a lack of females in the smash cast…"

"What about us?" Samus and Nana cried out.

"If you're thinking I'm a male, then…" Samus charged her beam.

"I already got neat roles for you. Wait a second…" A notebook appeared in front of Hack, then he made notes, smiling evilly. "I've got it. Samus, you'll be Sheena, the sexy summoner who's very hot-tempered, just like you."

"Hot-tempered?" Samus grumbled, about to release her beam.

"But you also get to summon stuff to blow stuff up."

"…I gotta admit, you got me a damn nice role."

"Thank you. This is why it works out perfectly. Zelos Wilder, the pervert that spies on Sheena, will be Roy!"

"WHAT????" Samus yelled, shooting her beam at Hack. Hack simply floated out of the way.

"What? Why not Captain Falcon?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, I wanna spy on sexy Samus!" Falcon cried.

"Well Falcon isn't cool and humorous enough to be Zelos, plus he can't use a sword for shit," Hack explained. "I also don't like you." He blew a raspberry at Falcon.

"Plus, you're the craziest pervert in this mansion aside from Falcon!" Fox cried out to Roy.

"What? No way! I'm not a Captain Falcon!"

"It's true…" Mewtwo muttered telepathically (I'm not going to bother typing that word every time now. Just assume he talks telepathically all the time.) "I sense you spying on Samus, Zelda, and Peach in the showers almost as much as Falcon do. Even Nana, apparently."

The four females rounded upon Roy. "Um… hi?"

BAM!

BOOM!

POW!

Roy was beaten to a bloody pulp, to put it simply. Describing it in detail would flow this fanfic from the T rating already.

"Man, Roy, man… Spying on even Nana… What a petifile…" Luigi muttered, shaking his head.

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" Nana said, rounding up on Luigi.

"AHHHHHHHHHH, I didn't say anything!"

"It's also spelled pedophile," corrected Ness.

"How do you spell something wrong when I'm saying it?" Luigi asked.

"...That's a good question. It's a secret among psychics."

"I wanna know!"

"Knowledge of how psychics work..." Mewtwo explained. "Would be too confidential and cause your brain to defunctionalize because of its complexity."

"...Huh?"

"Whatever! Just continue!" Nana cried.

"Speaking of Nana…" Hack started. "Since we already used up our three females, not including the pokemon, we need an actor for Presea Combatir. You can guess that Nana's Presea."

"Sweet. How is she?"

"She uses a huge-ass axe for a tiny girl. Happy?"

"Very."

"Excellent. So our last main character is Regal Bryant. He uses sexy kicks all the time, and he's quite calm."

"Oh, me!" Fox and Falco jumped up and down.

"So because Fox and Falco got tons of action time in my other fic, I'm choosing Kirby!"

"Ohh! I'm here!" Kirby jumped in, wearing several band-aids and a cast. "What's happening?"

"You're acting as Regal, the kicking guy."

"Yay!"

"Damn it…" Fox muttered. Falco bashed Fox on the head with his fist.

"So our main bad guy, Mithos and Yggdrasil, will be our fabulous psychic, Mewtwo!"

"…So I'm the antagonist again…"

"Well you're both pretty evilish. Does that satisfy you?"

"I have no objections."

"And he uses light magic."

"…I hate you."

"We've got tons of other characters for you guys to act out, but they'll be revealed as the plot moves on. Quite a few surprises and also obvious substitutions," explained Hack. "I look forward to you all having fun!"

"Psh, yeah right!" All the smashers replied.

For those of you that are lazy and need a list of characters introduced so far…

Lloyd – Link

Colette – Zelda

Genis – Ness

Raine – Peach

Kratos – Marth

Sheena – Samus

Zelos – Roy

Presea– Nana

Regal – Kirby

Mithos – Mewtwo