A/N I know I have too many things opened at the moment but this came to me and, seeing as i've been incredibly lacking in inspiration lately, I wasn't going to let this one go! LOL
This is set just after Daredevil. It's all about Brennan and Hannah so if you hate Hannah please don't read it. This isn't the one shot for you :)
Thanks to NatesMama for lending me her beta awesomeness and convincing me it isn't as bad as I think it is.
Reviews always appreciated.
Temperance Brennan closed the door behind her and leaned back, her breath escaping on a sigh as she reflected on the events of the evening.
Three hours of drinking with her partner. Well, he drank and she pretended to. One of them had to stay sober and it wasn't going to be him. Three hours of listening to him as he cursed the world and everyone in it. As he cursed the woman in his life...Rebecca. Tessa. Hannah. Brennan herself. She understood the why of it, but it didn't stop the pain from almost crippling her. To be included in a list of people who had rejected and hurt him, when all she had wanted to do was protect him was painful, especially when all she was still trying to do was protect him. But regardless of her own feelings, she had listened to his ranting. And she had nodded. And with only a second's hesitation she had agreed to his request. To his ultimatum. That agreement had cost her and she finally understood exactly what she had asked of him so long ago. To be with him but not with him...it was more painful than even she had imagined, and it had taken all of her self control to not join him in drinking herself into oblivion.
The sound of a glass breaking shook her out of her inner musings and she pushed herself away from the door, heading for her kitchen to endure yet another conversation she would rather avoid. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched as the woman scrabbled around the floor on her hands and knees, scraping the broken glass she had dropped into the bin, her movements swift and efficient as she focused completely on the task in front of her. Brennan watched her with detached eyes, making no effort to assist her as she tried to gather her thoughts for the coming conversation.
"Sorry, Temperance"
Brennan glanced down at the softly spoken words, hardening her heart against the tear stained face of the women kneeling before her.
"It's fine, Hannah. Leave it alone for now, I'll see to it later."
"No" Hannah shook her head in denial. "I'll do it now. Let me just...I'll do it now." Her movement sped up, becoming less efficient as she returned to the task with a renewed vigour.
"Hannah." Brennan's voice was firm and final, causing the journalist to look back up at her. Their eyes held for a moment until something in the anthropologist's stare forced Hannah to stand, her movements stilted and lacking her usual grace and fluidity.
A heavy silence fell between the duo, the kitchen reverberating with everything they had yet to say. Hannah took a step towards the doorway and Brennan moved to the side, allowing the other woman to pass her before she entered the kitchen fully. She grabbed herself a glass of cool water and, as an afterthought, a bottle of beer for her...associate. She returned to her living room to find the other woman perched on the edge of her couch, looking poised for flight at any moment. Brennan sat the beer bottle in front of her and sat in her lone chair, facing Hannah directly.
The silence continued, the only sound a quiet 'click' as Hannah opened the drink in front of her, lifting it to her mouth and draining half the bottle within seconds. Brennan watched her dispassionately, taking a more measured drink out of her own glass, waiting for the woman in front of her to begin the conversation. She understood why she was still here, but she had no inclination to make things easier for her. It wasn't particularly generous of Brennan and she realized that. But she couldn't deny that she was angry with Hannah and she wanted to take the opportunity to regain control over her own emotions, before she worried about anyone else's.
"How is he?" Hannah asked into the silence, her gaze locked determinedly in front of her as she forced herself to address the reason for her appearance.
"As well as he can be, considering." At Brennans uncompromising answer Hannah finally looked at her again, her eyes silently begging for more. "He's in pain. He's hurting. What more would you like me to reveal, Hannah?" Brennan questioned, the tone in her voice demanding an answer.
Hannah remained silent for a moment, her shaking hand laying her drink back on the table in front of her. She then proceeded to twist her hands together in front of her, knuckles whitening as her grip tightened, a slight tremor clear for Brennan to see.
"I never meant to hurt him. You do know that, don't you Temperance?" At her softly spoken words Brennan nodded shortly, acknowledging the truth in her statement. Another silence descended on the pair until..."I knew it was coming." At Brennans confused look she clarified. "The proposal." Fire flashed in the anthropologists eyes at her words and Hannah held up a hand to silence the anger she knew was to come. "Just let me explain...please". Hannah watched Brennan with pleading eyes, needing to explain how she had allowed herself to hurt this man they both loved. Brennan nodded stiffly, an expression Hannah struggled to identify on her face. "Thank you." Hannah sighed gratefully.
"Hannah" Brennan warned "it's late, i'm tired and it has been an exhausting evening so please...if we can speed this process up, I would appreciate it."
Hannah bit back the first words that entered her head, understanding the other woman's frustration and resisting the urge to defend herself. She removed her gaze from Brennan's and stared at the bottle in front of her, finding it much easier to begin without seeing the unforgiving stare of the woman she had come to call a friend.
"I moved my life half way across the world for him." She began clearly, her voice echoing in the silent apartment. "And that, for me, is the biggest commitment I have ever made to a man. I loved him...I love him" she corrected "and I thought that would be enough. For him...for me. I really wanted it to be enough..." Hannah's voice trailed off. She drew a deep breath and forced herself to continue. "But he started making the odd comment. About our future and the life we were going to have. He had it all planned out and it...God, it scared me." Hannah glanced at Brennan, seeing that she had the other womans attention and relieved that there was no condemnation on her face. "I've spent the last 15 years living for myself. No ties, no commitments and now I was going from living with a man to having the next 50 years decided for me. I tried to tell him!" For the first time there was a flash of anger on Hannahs face, and in her voice. "I told him I didn't want to get married. I told him that I was happy with the life we had. But it turns out he wasn't listening...or he wasn't happy. Either way the end result is the same." What little fight had been in Hannah left her and Brennan couldn't prevent the flash of compassion that she felt for the woman who had hurt her best friend. She looked so...lost. "He asked me for the one thing I couldn't give him...and he couldn't give me the one thing I needed so we're both alone...again."
Silence fell between them once more. Hannah remained lost in her own memories and Brennan was digesting all she had heard. The anger was still there but along with it was sadness. Sadness for Hannah. For Booth. And for herself.
"I told you that when he gave himself to you it would be completely. I told you to be sure." Hannah looked at her, hearing the softly spoken words but not really understanding them. "You weren't sure." Hannah winced at the disapproval and censure she could hear in Brennans voice. "I told you to be sure and you weren't."
"I'd hoped that he'd change his mind." Brennan scoffed at her claim, unable to comprehend how she could love him and yet not know him. Hannah read her look and a wry smile appeared on her face."Oh I know it's ridiculous. Hoping that he'd change his mind about something that is such a large part of who he is. Except...he did it once before." Hannah looked Brennan squarely in the eye, begging her to understand what she was saying without making her say the words.
Brennan furrowed her brow in confusion, her mind processing the words she heard but unable to make any sense of them.
"I don't..."
"You, Temperance." Hannah burst out. "He asked for a life with you with no mention of marriage. Because he knew you...he understood you. And he wanted you regardless...all I wanted was the same courtesy but he couldn't give it to me. It was all or nothing..."
"Booth told you?" Brennan asked, unable to mask the hurt in her voice.
"Yes...well, he gave me an overview and I filled in the gaps." Hannah confirmed. Brennan accepted her answer with a small nod. "So that's why I had hope." Hannah returned to her previous line of thought with a sad smile. "Because he could do it for you I assumed he would do it for me. But I now know that what they say about assuming is correct." Brennan looked at her silently. "You know...never assume because it makes an ass out of you and...me." She trailed off awkwardly, uncomfortable with the unamused stare being directed her way. "Why is that do you think?" Hannah changed the subject suddenly. "That he would change his life aspirations for you but not me?" Brennan stared at her in silence, unsure of the answer Hannah wanted to hear. Unsure of the answer she could give. "I'm sorry, I should never have asked you that. It's not fair...to either of us. I'm not sure there's an answer you could give that would make me feel better."
The two women stared at each other uncomfortably; Hannah's unanswered question hanging between them.
"Are you going to be ok?" Brennan asked her after a few silent minutes had passed. A small part of her was worried for Hannah but the largest part of her was eager for the other woman to leave. She needed time to process.
"I'll be fine, I always am." Hannah said with a sad smile. "I will...adjust."
Brennan winced at the familiar words before she masked the small weakness. Hannah noticed the slight change in her expression but she said nothing, unsure of the reason but understanding the woman in front of her well enough to know that asking would get her nowhere. If Temperance wanted her to know she would tell her.
"I should be going." Hannah sudden words echoed around the silent room and Brennan held back the relieved sigh that threatened to escape her mouth.
"What are your plans now?" Brennan asked politely. The answer held no relevance for her, but she couldn't banish this woman from her life so coldly. She owed her.
"Here. There." Hannah shrugged. "I have no clear idea right now. I can't think too far ahead...my editor asked if I would go back to Iraq and continue what I had been doing. I originally said no but now..." she trailed off with a sad smile, the unspoken words hanging in the air.
"Stay safe." Brennan was unsure how she was supposed to respond and she winced as she heard herself issue such an inane platitude.
"I'll do my best" Hannah assured with a flash of a real smile. "Although warzones have made that task somewhat difficult."
They both laughed lightly, grateful for anything that could break up the tension between them.
"Okay then..." Hannah took a small step towards Brennan and wrapped her arms around her, squeezing lightly as she hugged the other woman goodbye. She let go quickly, conscious of over staying her welcome. She turned away and walked towards the door, aware of Brennan following behind her.
As they stood at the door, Hannah on one side and Brennan on the other, Hannah fought with herself. A part of her, the part that loved Booth, didn't want to say what she felt she must. But looking at Brennan and knowing her feelings...she couldn't leave without saying something. Anything.
"Temperance." She called softly. When she was sure she had the other woman's attention she continued. "Can I ask you to do something for me?" Brennans brow furrowed in confusion but she nodded slowly, intrigued despite herself. "Make sure you look after him and please...don't give up on him. Please."
"I don't know what that..."
"Yes, you do." Hannah corrected with a small smile. "I've hurt him but he'll recover. He'll get over it...and he'll get over me." Tears formed in her eyes but she fought them valiantly, unwilling to break in front of Temperance. A woman she admired and respected. A woman that had been brave enough to do something she knew she could never do...she'd watched the man she loved as he loved another. "And when he does... get over this, he'll be ready."
Brennan watched Hannah, her emotions engaged completely as she watched the devastated woman struggle to say what she felt she needed to. The last word she said drew Brennans attention and her gaze turned quizzical.
"Ready?"
Hannah shrugged her small bag over her shoulder and smiled through her pain.
"For you."
