Hey! First story on this account. Lots of pairings. Maruader Era for now. This started out as a drabble/exercise to get rid of writer's block. Well, it bubbled over and became an entire story. I've tried to go back and edit out mistakes, but I may have missed some. Anyway, please enjoy!!


Full moons. They should piss off. Leave him alone. He didn't deserve that kind of pain. Even now, a week later, he still has scabs that are healing over. Why couldn't that damn Madam Pomfrey do more for him? It's not like Remus wanted those scars all over him.

Then again, maybe he did. Sirius sighed and looked at his friend, curled up in the armchair with his nose in a book. Like always. His silvery eyes scrutinized the slender arms wrapped delicately around the book. Smooth scars criss-crossed his forearms. They weren't caused from his transformations, Padfoot knew this. He inflicted them upon himself. And from the looks of them, the cuts causing them had been pretty deep. But Remus kept quiet about it, so he tried not to ask.

It didn't seem anyone else noticed, but maybe they were just being quiet about it like he was? No, no, they would have said something to him. James and Peter weren't as reverent about other people's privacy as he was. He may be a loud mouth and a show off, but a snitch he was not.

Suddenly, the young animagus became aware of a pair of gentle amber eyes on him. "Sorry. Say something?"

Remus laughed weakly. "I said; What're you so deep in thought about, Sunshine?" Sirius growled playfully but soon his eyes were back on the scars. A finger prodded his shoulder. "Padfoot! What's wrong?"

Unable to take it anymore, Sirius grabbed Remus's arm and began dragging him up to their dormitory. "Prongs, Wormtail! Out! Now!" The other two boys didn't dare argue and immediately gathered their things to relocate to the Common Room. Sirius slammed the door shut behind them and murmured a locking spell under his breath to seal it. Remus took this all in stride, assuming that all would be explained in a moment. "Sit... sit down."

Moony obeyed, placing himself on one of the beds, which happened to be James'. Sirius sighed and sat beside him, running a hand through his hair. The werewolf growled and shoved Sirius's arm roughly. "What is bothering you? Fuck me if I know! I've been trying to figure out what's going on for three weeks, y'know that? You're a loony!" Remus was grinning despite himself.

"Me?" Sirius whispered, completely gob-smacked. "What's wrong with me?!You are the one that's got a problem! I'm neither stupid nor blind, my friend!" He seized Remus's left wrist and jerked his sleeves down to the crease of his elbow. "How do you explain this? These... these scars!"

Tears jumped to Moony's eyes. "Sirius. . . . I never wanted any–."

"Oh I know that you didn't want us to find out!" He growled and shoved his friend away from him. "I thought we were your friends! Didn't we prove that in second year when we stuck by you?! Or what about the start of this year, when we became Animagi just to make sure you weren't alone during full moons?! What the hell possesses you to do this to yourself?" He shouted, now standing a good metre from the bed. Rage burned in his eyes, making them light up. Just as he was about to continue his rant, he noticed the tears on Moony's face. Those silenced him and quelled all anger. "Remus..."

The black-haired boy sat beside the werewolf again, reaching out to stroke his back. But Remus recoiled. "Sirius..." he curled in on himself, sobbing. "It makes me feel better... It takes away the pain."

Sirius had never seen Remus – strong, stoic Remus – like this. Huddled in a fetal position with tears pouring from his eyes. "What pain? Why do you hurt?" He slowly reached out again, this time meeting no objections, and rubbed soothing circles on his back. But he was given no answer. So he asked a different question. "Why didn't you come to me, James, or Peter about it? You know we would have helped you."

"You would have thought me disgusting. Even more than you alre–."

"Remus! You aren't disgusting!" Sirius pleaded with him. "You're our friend. That means we care about you." His arms encircled Moony warmly. The werewolf responded, quickly curling around Sirius, clinging to him for dear life. His scarred face buried into Sirius's chest, tears soaking his robes. "Please tell me what's wrong, Moony. You know I won't think any differently of you. You're my best mate." He reasoned.

Finally, Moony pulled back a bit and looked into his friend's face. "I'm gay." Sirius simply continued to look at him, waiting for the big 'disgusting' secret. Remus's face screwed up in what Sirius assumed was confusion. "I like blokes, not girls. Or more... I'min love with a bloke." Still silence. "Sirius?" He watched the slightly older boy.

Sirius simply smiled. "Oh, I am supposed to be disgusted now?" He laughed at the look playing on his friend's face. "Rems, I thought you would have figured out before the others! But no, apparently little ole Pete was the first and he told James. Can't believe they didn't tell you though..."

"Tell me what?" A hint of hurt was in his voice.

A gentle look crossed Sirius's features. "I'm gay too. Was actually..." He paused, in thought. "Was dating this guy a while ago. Had a bad break up, so now we hate each other." He shifted in his spot. Remus had told him something an intimate secret; he felt compelled to tell him his own. Remus simply looked at him curiously. "It was . . . . Snivelly."

Silence settled for a brief moment. Then laughter broke out. "Padfoot! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" But Sirius remained stoic. Remus's laughter died and he looked at his friend very solemnly. "Oh. . . . You're serious."

"Well, that is my–."

"That joke got old ages ago." Remus frowned.

Sirius merely grinned weakly. "Yeah I know. Just wanted to lighten the mood. Or attempt to." He sighed. "That's why the prime target of my pranks is him." Remus reached out and grasped Sirus's hand. "Who's the bloke you like, Rems?"

Another silence settled. This time it ended with a sharp gasp. "I love. . . you, Sirius." The dog-boy grinned and made Remus look at him. Remus had a look of fear on his face. "Are you. . . mad?"

"Not at all." Sirius placed a small kiss on the top of his friend's head.

He could feel Moony's hope rising. "Then does that mean that you–?"

Sirius sighed again. "Not. . . quite. I'm sorry, Moony. But. . . . . I don't have feelings that strong for you. I do care about you a lot. More than as just a friend. But not thatstrongly." Remus nodded, looking a bit down-hearted, but not quite sad. "I have more of a platonic love for you. At the moment at least. Maybe, in due time, our feelings. . . . ." He trailed off, letting Remus decide his own ending for the sentence.

Sirius was answered with another nod. "Alright, Padfoot. In – in time. I'll – give you time to be alone, then." But Sirius held onto his arm tightly. "Sirius?"

"No. You are going to stay right here. If I let you go, then you'll hurt yourself again. Despite the fact my feelings may not be the same, I want you to come to me when you want to cut yourself, alright?" Remus only offered a blank stare. Sirius tightened his grip. "Promise me, Rems!"

The werewolf smiled softly. "I promise, Sirius. I'll come to you. But it may be. . . afterward. I sometimes. . . ." He wasn't sure how to phrase his thoughts, but Sirius understood well enough. "Can I–. . . . That is. . . . Would you let me kiss you? Just once?"

Unsure how Remus would react to a rejection, Padfoot leaned down and planted a chaste kiss on the other's lips. "The only time. Unless my feelings change. Alright?" Remus nodded, smiling sadly. "Always come to me. I don't like seeing you hurt."

"Yes, Padfoot. I will." He stood and began to leave the dormitory. But he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob. "Thank you, Sirius. A lot."

Padfoot grinned. "Anytime, mate. Anytime."


Well there's chapter one! Please critique/comment. But please don't bash. You don't have to like it and you don't have to read it. But critiques/criticism are more than welcome. I like to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it. I have up to chapter 9 written, working on 10. But I'd intended it to end here. So please tell me if you would like for it to continue. Thanks for your time!